As we roll to the end of another year I am left with a few thoughts. One of my favorite quotes of all times is this: Life consists of 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to that 10%.
Brilliant quote. It's even better when you can take those few words and allow them to sink in and apply it to your own life. God works all things out for His good, right? Take a moment today to reflect on this last year. Pause for a bit to ask God, how do you want me to respond to all the things that this past year has thrown my way? When you respond to all your stuff with an open heart asking Him to work it out, God really can use it all to shape what He has called you to accomplish in this life.
Here is what I've learned this year and am asking God to direct my steps in responding to how He wants to use it all in 2015. So here it goes....
1. I stopped apologizing for being a strong willed woman on a mission and for my personality. I began to think, if God gave me this personality (and when our personalities are submitted to Him and His will) then it must be for a reason. We are each given our own personality. Why? For His purpose. So stop apologizing, too, and let God use who He created you to be for His Kingdom.
2. To be inspired is great but is only the first step. Going out and doing is inspiration's fruit.
3. Forgiving is the first step. Letting go is the road that follows.
4. Everyone needs a sister or friend like my sister, Sara. One who you wholeheartedly let in. A person you know you are safe enough to let your guard down with in order to give and receive from. Yes, a good friendship gives and receives. It does both....well. I also have a couple of other friends in my life who do that as well. They are gems and I guard those friendships with my life. We, as girls, need a girlfriend or two who will speak truth into us (even when we don't want to hear it) love us enough to let us be ourselves but will also love us enough to challenge us to not stay stagnant.
5. Everyone talks about the orphan...but what about the widow? It's in the same verse. Both causes are true religion.
6. Do not forsake the fellowship doesn't necessarily mean don't forsake the church building on Sunday morning. Fellowship is choosing to surround yourself with people all week long who challenge you, inspire you, dream with you, correct you and live life next to you all while loving Jesus. Don't forsake that.
7. I was born to parent teen girls. So much so, that I think that might be where I'm headed with Inspire! (maybe some teen girls, creative arts and a God given purpose).
8. A good marriage consists of choosing to be intentional in your relationship. Every. Day. (maybe multiple times). A good marriage doesn't just happen...it's worked on. I've learned this one years ago but it bares repeating because it is a constant choice. When you both are intentional it can be amazing all that God does in and through it.
9. It doesn't matter what church you go to as long as they are preaching good sound theology and pointing you towards Jesus. Your walk with Jesus and what you're doing with the talent He gives you, wherever your are, matters more than the building you choose to sit in on Sunday morning. Being a doer is the key. The Church doesn't consist of just 4 walls. It is global. So be a part of what God is doing, wherever you are at. Do something.
10. Choosing to pull away from negative and complaining people in life is a brilliant choice because it frees you up from being held back in an endless cycle of listening to people who only want to focus on the 10% rather than the 90.
Happy New Year, friends!! Make 2015 amazing. Better yet, let God make your 2015 amazing by responding with a yes to however He leads!
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Being Content - Loneliness
Over the last 5 years my tolerance for complaining has gotten down to about 0. I distance myself from people who have a habit of complaining about every little detail honestly because I feel like complaining can be contagious and I don't want to be a part of it because it is easy to slip into. I chalk my growing lack of tolerance up to going through a tragedy and through that, my perspective began to change and my tolerance for complaining waned.
I remember being a kid and would cry about something silly and my parents would say Amy, stop crying otherwise I will give you something good to cry about! What does that phrase even mean? I don't know. What were they going to give me to cry about? I never found out because I quit crying until I had something to cry about almost 5 years ago.
Out of that experience I now have a limited amount of tolerance for complaining. Obviously talking through difficult life things is different than complaining and is extremely necessary and needed to walk through life's difficult seasons but complaining is entirely different than talking through loss, death, divorce, affairs, sickness, financial troubles. The list of tough stuff people go through is long. Constant complaining is staying in the state of discontentment & dissatisfaction. Perspective in your situation, however, is what changes the outcome (or at the very least your mindset) of what you are talking about. Complaining, however, about it does not change a thing...in fact it can make it worse.
Phillipians 4 lays it out the right perspective for us. How to be content in all things. That doesn't mean we have to love what we are going through. It doesn't mean we should be fake about it or not confront what we are going through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't admit that we need help. We should do all those things but Paul does teach us how to go through everything as we are going through it. He tells us to rejoice in the Lord. To be thankful in all things. Thankful that we know God is with us and working all things for our good all the time. He teaches us to think on good things and not dwell on our complaints. He teaches us to lift our sights higher than what we see at the moment.
There was a 4 year season in our marriage where every single familiar "community" we had roots down in had been changed, uprooted or moved to another place. I hated. every. single. moment. I still am not fond of all the changes. A couple of years ago I went through an intensely lonely period of time due to all the changes and uprooting. All the changes (I hope) have passed and I still sit at a place where I don't have a great answer to how wonderful the change was. I don't have an answer that it was for a better sense of community and deeper relationships at all the new places God moved me to. It hasn't been an easy or clean answer wrapped perfectly with a happy ending bow (at least not yet). However, God is teaching me that sometimes He takes us through things to bring us closer to Him. Sometimes our perspective gets challenged a bit in order to see if we will complain or just surrender to Him and say, I don't get it but I am walking with you anyways and I trust that you have a bigger plan than I can see.
My perspective began to shift as God was speaking to me through every change I went through and through every lonely moment I felt. I wanted to throw my hands up and complain about the 'injustice' & discomfort of every change. Howevery, my new perspective began to allow me to ask a few hard questions of each change. Maybe I wasn't meant to be known in every circle I walked into anymore. Maybe I wasn't suppose to be comfortable in walking up to a group of friends who know me well in every place I walked into. Maybe God was keeping me from 'familiar' because He was doing something bigger than I could see or can see right now.
Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk across water to Himself (Matt 14) all by himself. Peter wasn't walking with a bunch of friends. He was alone walking across the water to Jesus. The winds started blowing and Peter panicked, started to sink and cried out to Jesus and Jesus immediately reached out to Peter and caught him.
Peter was walking alone and knew nobody else could do what Jesus did for him. Jesus alone could meet Peter and catch him. Sometimes in our familiar groups of friends we unknowingly think they are the ones that can help us. Walk with us. Give us answers that maybe God alone has the answers to. Sometimes Jesus asks us to leave our familiar "boat" to walk outside our comforts and follow Him. Not complain but rather change our perspective and simply run to Him.
Don't get me wrong I love being in a nice comfortable, familiar group of friends who have known me forever and know everything about me just as much as the next girl. However, I am finding the longer I walk with God, He often gets us alone with Him to direct our steps better and through that allows us to hear His voice more clearly. He calls us to walk alone sometimes without all the comforts of a familiar scenery. No particular group in my life is familiar anymore and I'm learning to trust that God knows that and has a reason for it.
As I re read Phillipians 4 I am reminded about our perspective in every season of life. No matter what season you are in, no matter what you are going through, it might very well be that Jesus is calling you outside the boat to spend time with Him so He can be the one that leads and directs you. Through that experience our perspective can be like Paul when he says
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Through the whole chapter he repeatedly reveals the answer to how he learned to be content in every situation. He teaches us to change our perspective. Rejoice in the Lord, give thanksgiving, be content. He gives a list of things to think on like Truth, whatever is noble, pure, right, excellent trustworthy (among many other things) in order to be able to do all things through Christ. In other words, in all things, shift your perspective from complaining to thinking, trusting and walking with Jesus (with or without your group of people) and then you will be able to do all things that Christ has called you to.
God may I always be able to trust that you are working all things for my good and that my perspective is always towards you instead of what my eyes see in the natural which can lead me to a complaining and discontent heart. Keep my perspective on you at all times and in all things. Amen.
I remember being a kid and would cry about something silly and my parents would say Amy, stop crying otherwise I will give you something good to cry about! What does that phrase even mean? I don't know. What were they going to give me to cry about? I never found out because I quit crying until I had something to cry about almost 5 years ago.
Out of that experience I now have a limited amount of tolerance for complaining. Obviously talking through difficult life things is different than complaining and is extremely necessary and needed to walk through life's difficult seasons but complaining is entirely different than talking through loss, death, divorce, affairs, sickness, financial troubles. The list of tough stuff people go through is long. Constant complaining is staying in the state of discontentment & dissatisfaction. Perspective in your situation, however, is what changes the outcome (or at the very least your mindset) of what you are talking about. Complaining, however, about it does not change a thing...in fact it can make it worse.
Phillipians 4 lays it out the right perspective for us. How to be content in all things. That doesn't mean we have to love what we are going through. It doesn't mean we should be fake about it or not confront what we are going through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't admit that we need help. We should do all those things but Paul does teach us how to go through everything as we are going through it. He tells us to rejoice in the Lord. To be thankful in all things. Thankful that we know God is with us and working all things for our good all the time. He teaches us to think on good things and not dwell on our complaints. He teaches us to lift our sights higher than what we see at the moment.
There was a 4 year season in our marriage where every single familiar "community" we had roots down in had been changed, uprooted or moved to another place. I hated. every. single. moment. I still am not fond of all the changes. A couple of years ago I went through an intensely lonely period of time due to all the changes and uprooting. All the changes (I hope) have passed and I still sit at a place where I don't have a great answer to how wonderful the change was. I don't have an answer that it was for a better sense of community and deeper relationships at all the new places God moved me to. It hasn't been an easy or clean answer wrapped perfectly with a happy ending bow (at least not yet). However, God is teaching me that sometimes He takes us through things to bring us closer to Him. Sometimes our perspective gets challenged a bit in order to see if we will complain or just surrender to Him and say, I don't get it but I am walking with you anyways and I trust that you have a bigger plan than I can see.
My perspective began to shift as God was speaking to me through every change I went through and through every lonely moment I felt. I wanted to throw my hands up and complain about the 'injustice' & discomfort of every change. Howevery, my new perspective began to allow me to ask a few hard questions of each change. Maybe I wasn't meant to be known in every circle I walked into anymore. Maybe I wasn't suppose to be comfortable in walking up to a group of friends who know me well in every place I walked into. Maybe God was keeping me from 'familiar' because He was doing something bigger than I could see or can see right now.
Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk across water to Himself (Matt 14) all by himself. Peter wasn't walking with a bunch of friends. He was alone walking across the water to Jesus. The winds started blowing and Peter panicked, started to sink and cried out to Jesus and Jesus immediately reached out to Peter and caught him.
Peter was walking alone and knew nobody else could do what Jesus did for him. Jesus alone could meet Peter and catch him. Sometimes in our familiar groups of friends we unknowingly think they are the ones that can help us. Walk with us. Give us answers that maybe God alone has the answers to. Sometimes Jesus asks us to leave our familiar "boat" to walk outside our comforts and follow Him. Not complain but rather change our perspective and simply run to Him.
Don't get me wrong I love being in a nice comfortable, familiar group of friends who have known me forever and know everything about me just as much as the next girl. However, I am finding the longer I walk with God, He often gets us alone with Him to direct our steps better and through that allows us to hear His voice more clearly. He calls us to walk alone sometimes without all the comforts of a familiar scenery. No particular group in my life is familiar anymore and I'm learning to trust that God knows that and has a reason for it.
As I re read Phillipians 4 I am reminded about our perspective in every season of life. No matter what season you are in, no matter what you are going through, it might very well be that Jesus is calling you outside the boat to spend time with Him so He can be the one that leads and directs you. Through that experience our perspective can be like Paul when he says
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Through the whole chapter he repeatedly reveals the answer to how he learned to be content in every situation. He teaches us to change our perspective. Rejoice in the Lord, give thanksgiving, be content. He gives a list of things to think on like Truth, whatever is noble, pure, right, excellent trustworthy (among many other things) in order to be able to do all things through Christ. In other words, in all things, shift your perspective from complaining to thinking, trusting and walking with Jesus (with or without your group of people) and then you will be able to do all things that Christ has called you to.
God may I always be able to trust that you are working all things for my good and that my perspective is always towards you instead of what my eyes see in the natural which can lead me to a complaining and discontent heart. Keep my perspective on you at all times and in all things. Amen.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Parenting - Top 10 List of Do's and Don'ts
We are now in late summer and it is flying by quick. That's just crazy! My oldest just started drivers ed & as we prepare for this next school year I'm still in denial that I am a parent of two junior highers and a high schooler. How does life go this incredibly and ridiculously fast? I know I sound old saying that...but really, time flies.
In honor of standing at the precipice of a new school year, I wanted to make a top 10 list of parenting lessons my husband and I have learned along the way. With the knowledge that every day we walk further into the world of teenager'dom', we realize we seriously do not have all the answers but here are a few of the tried and trues we are holding on to....are you ready?
1. Learn. The first thing I learned is that I had a lot to learn. I remember the first night we brought home, Emma, our oldest daughter and, as she laid there wide awake in my arms at 3am in the morning, (as if it were 3 o'clock in the afternoon instead). I remember whispering to her, Emma, I am so not equip for this whole parenting thing. How did I get myself into this? I seriously did not know what I was doing. Not a clue. Fourteen and three quarter years later, we still don't know everything but what we have learned is that we keep on learning. Learning each of their personalities. Learning how to be better parents. Learning how to grow as a family. We are still learning...often.
2. Time. We don't have a list of magical formulas that will answer every parenting question but what we do have are a couple of lessons learned. I've learned that each day is important. Each moment is important. Each opportunity spent with them is important. You can't get those moments back. So, seize every moment. The texts can wait. The calls can wait. So can the laundry, dishes, vaccum lines and dusting (it will all be there tomorrow anyway). The friends can wait (unless, of course, you're all together with the kids and can exchange some tears, laughs and coffee). All those things can wait. Time does not. Not for anyone. Take time to spend with each kid you have. You won't regret it....and neither will they.
3. Be present. We all know when someone we are talking to isn't listening. It's annoying and frustrating. Kids know that, too. They know when you are not present or engaged in a conversation. They know this from a very young age. My middle daughter when she was around 2 would put her sweet little hands one on each cheek of mine and say talk to my eyes, mama. She needed me present in her conversation. It was important to her. It still is. This is a lesson I have to remind myself often. I get caught up in the busy"ness" of the day & have to remind myself to stop & be present.
4. Listen. Ok, I guess that would be a no brainer if you are looking in their eyes as they are talking to you but seriously you can even zone out while you are looking straight at them. Let's be honest, we all have a billion and one things on our 'to do' list and our minds can race through everything that needs to be done but if you don't prove to them at a little age that you want to listen and communicate then they will eventually stop talking to you & find someone else to talk to. That can prove to be dangerous as they get into junior high. Because, even though listening to the "how Barbie has purple shoes on with her orange skirt and wants your opinion on that outfit" isn't that interesting at 3 years old, you can bet your life on the fact that at 13 you will want to be able to give your opinion about an outfit or two then...and they won't be Barbie's.
5. Ask questions. Keep asking questions. Engage and keep the lines open to asking & answering any and all questions. They will love that dialogue when they are 5 and 6 but not so much by the time they are 13 or 14. Keep asking them anyways. It shows them you are interested in their lives and what is going on. They may not say that they like it (and may actually even say they don't) but they do. It makes them feel secure. It makes them feel important. It makes them know you love them enough to ask them about their life.
6. Give your opinions. All. The. Time. You are the parent. Don't forget that. You pay the bills. You have the right to speak into their lives, provide direction, teach them boundries, show how consequences work. As I got older into my teens years, there were times I wanted to go do something I knew would be stupid or wrong and I swear I could hear my mom and dad's voice in my head giving their opinions. It stopped me from doing a lot of dumb stuff....more times than I can count.
7. Don't be afraid to hug your kids. Kiss their little faces from the time they are born til the time they leave for college and return again. There is never too much affection. Especially girls. I've written blogs about this before about daddy's and their daughters. Don't shy away from hugging your tween and teen daughter. If you are not giving a hug or a kiss on the forehead to show them proper affection, they will crave it. They will seek it and they will find it. And generally the boys that are willing to give attention and affection to your affection starved girl is not looking for just a hug or a kiss on the forehead. Dad's, your roll plays such a huge part in giving your daughter a healthy perspective on how she should be treated by a guy. What she receives (or doesn't receive) from you will dictate what she feels she deserves from other guys. You are important. Parents (of both sons and daughters), constantly reinforce to them that they have value and worth in God.
Teach them that their value isn't caught up in whether or not some guy or girl is paying attention to them that day. Or if they can get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Teach them that their true value and worth rests in the fact that they are a child of God made for a purpose to bring Him glory.
8. Laugh. Play games. Interact. Have fun. Make an environment where they can relax & have a blast. Not because you want to be their friends (remember you are the parent) but because you want an environment where they will want to bring their friends around. That's good. You want to see their friends and who they are hanging out with. You can speak into their lives better when you see who they are hanging around with. Don't turn a blind eye to the kind of friends they are hanging with. My dad used to say to my sisters and I...if you lie with the dogs you'll get flees. We had a pool so all the kids were always over. My parents got to see real quick the type of girls I was becoming friends with and they nicely gave their opinions about many of my them. Often. Until I could start choosing my friends wisely for myself. I have to be honest with this one though...that took a while. Be patient.
9. Stop complaining about everything. Really. Just stop. It's annoying and exhausting to hear moms complain and yell constantly. It's annoying to their spouses and kids, too. If you know this is something you struggle with, if you were honest with yourself, you're probably sick of your own voice complaining, too. Then you turn around and get mad at your kids for arguing, yelling and complaining. Where did they learn that from? Like the old adage goes if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all. Seriously. Silence is golden and so much better than the broken record complaining about the same things year after year. It's old and your kids are watching and learning that habit, too. He who holds is tongue is wise so, hold it.
10. Don't gossip. Don't play the victim. Let it go & don't hold grudges. Forgive and show mercy. (I guess that's six topics in one). Teach them to be aware that so many people are going through things and sometimes react to their own situations and may unknowingly or sometimes knowingly hurt people in their process. Allow your kids to understand that most everything people or friends do is not to intentionally hurt them. My parents would tell us girls that the world does not revolve around us & most likely the things friends do is not to intentionally hurt me. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That lesson was invaluable. Don't teach your kids to hold a grudge. Forgive & give 2nd chances. Thank God, He doesn't give us only one opportunity to get it right. I would have been out of the game 41 years ago if that were the case. Obviously, use wisdom in friendships and steer clear of toxic relationships but if a good friend makes a mistake, forgive and accept them where they are at in the moment & teach your kids to be aware of where their friends are at in life, too. Turns out my parents were right…the world really doesn't revolve around me or you so let things go and know it's not about you. Sometimes there is a bigger picture going on.
11. Be real. Be honest and learn how to apologize. We all make mistakes and by humbly saying sorry to your kids it teaches them such a huge lesson. They will understand that nobody is perfect (parents included) and that it is okay to admit to not having it all together all the time. It gives them room to come to you when they make their own mistakes and gives you the opportunity to walk them through it in a Godly way instead of trying to hide it from you and figure out a different way out of a mistake.
12. Teach them about God by living it in your home when nobody but your family is watching. Teaching them doesn't mean sending them to youth group, Christian school or another great family you know. None of those things will teach them if they see hypocrisy at home. Live out your faith in plain site in front of them to learn from. I didn't say it will be perfect. It won't be...none of us are but they will see a sincere pursuit of who God is in your life and that will profoundly affect them (even if that doesn't seem to show for a while). All your rules for them without a relationship is futile if they don't see you living with the conviction you are telling them to have. Kids have a crazy way of just knowing if you are living what you profess to believe or not.
13. Be people of conviction and integrity. Kids know what that is and they see whether you have it or not. Don't cheat on things because you think nobody outside the home knows. The more important group is inside your home and they are watching and learning.
14. Love them. Love them. Love them. Tell them you love them often. Show them you love them daily. Simply said but profoundly impactful.
Ok, so I went over my limit, I gave you my 14 things on my list (maybe one for each year of our parenting) but this list is not all inclusive. We are still learning each day and there are so many other things I could add. Maybe I will another time. Happy parenting. Don't ever forget they are gifts that God gave you to raise. Don't ever take that responsibility too lightly. You are raising world changers!
Amy Elizabeth
Be Inspired
In honor of standing at the precipice of a new school year, I wanted to make a top 10 list of parenting lessons my husband and I have learned along the way. With the knowledge that every day we walk further into the world of teenager'dom', we realize we seriously do not have all the answers but here are a few of the tried and trues we are holding on to....are you ready?
1. Learn. The first thing I learned is that I had a lot to learn. I remember the first night we brought home, Emma, our oldest daughter and, as she laid there wide awake in my arms at 3am in the morning, (as if it were 3 o'clock in the afternoon instead). I remember whispering to her, Emma, I am so not equip for this whole parenting thing. How did I get myself into this? I seriously did not know what I was doing. Not a clue. Fourteen and three quarter years later, we still don't know everything but what we have learned is that we keep on learning. Learning each of their personalities. Learning how to be better parents. Learning how to grow as a family. We are still learning...often.
2. Time. We don't have a list of magical formulas that will answer every parenting question but what we do have are a couple of lessons learned. I've learned that each day is important. Each moment is important. Each opportunity spent with them is important. You can't get those moments back. So, seize every moment. The texts can wait. The calls can wait. So can the laundry, dishes, vaccum lines and dusting (it will all be there tomorrow anyway). The friends can wait (unless, of course, you're all together with the kids and can exchange some tears, laughs and coffee). All those things can wait. Time does not. Not for anyone. Take time to spend with each kid you have. You won't regret it....and neither will they.
3. Be present. We all know when someone we are talking to isn't listening. It's annoying and frustrating. Kids know that, too. They know when you are not present or engaged in a conversation. They know this from a very young age. My middle daughter when she was around 2 would put her sweet little hands one on each cheek of mine and say talk to my eyes, mama. She needed me present in her conversation. It was important to her. It still is. This is a lesson I have to remind myself often. I get caught up in the busy"ness" of the day & have to remind myself to stop & be present.
4. Listen. Ok, I guess that would be a no brainer if you are looking in their eyes as they are talking to you but seriously you can even zone out while you are looking straight at them. Let's be honest, we all have a billion and one things on our 'to do' list and our minds can race through everything that needs to be done but if you don't prove to them at a little age that you want to listen and communicate then they will eventually stop talking to you & find someone else to talk to. That can prove to be dangerous as they get into junior high. Because, even though listening to the "how Barbie has purple shoes on with her orange skirt and wants your opinion on that outfit" isn't that interesting at 3 years old, you can bet your life on the fact that at 13 you will want to be able to give your opinion about an outfit or two then...and they won't be Barbie's.
5. Ask questions. Keep asking questions. Engage and keep the lines open to asking & answering any and all questions. They will love that dialogue when they are 5 and 6 but not so much by the time they are 13 or 14. Keep asking them anyways. It shows them you are interested in their lives and what is going on. They may not say that they like it (and may actually even say they don't) but they do. It makes them feel secure. It makes them feel important. It makes them know you love them enough to ask them about their life.
6. Give your opinions. All. The. Time. You are the parent. Don't forget that. You pay the bills. You have the right to speak into their lives, provide direction, teach them boundries, show how consequences work. As I got older into my teens years, there were times I wanted to go do something I knew would be stupid or wrong and I swear I could hear my mom and dad's voice in my head giving their opinions. It stopped me from doing a lot of dumb stuff....more times than I can count.
7. Don't be afraid to hug your kids. Kiss their little faces from the time they are born til the time they leave for college and return again. There is never too much affection. Especially girls. I've written blogs about this before about daddy's and their daughters. Don't shy away from hugging your tween and teen daughter. If you are not giving a hug or a kiss on the forehead to show them proper affection, they will crave it. They will seek it and they will find it. And generally the boys that are willing to give attention and affection to your affection starved girl is not looking for just a hug or a kiss on the forehead. Dad's, your roll plays such a huge part in giving your daughter a healthy perspective on how she should be treated by a guy. What she receives (or doesn't receive) from you will dictate what she feels she deserves from other guys. You are important. Parents (of both sons and daughters), constantly reinforce to them that they have value and worth in God.
Teach them that their value isn't caught up in whether or not some guy or girl is paying attention to them that day. Or if they can get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Teach them that their true value and worth rests in the fact that they are a child of God made for a purpose to bring Him glory.
8. Laugh. Play games. Interact. Have fun. Make an environment where they can relax & have a blast. Not because you want to be their friends (remember you are the parent) but because you want an environment where they will want to bring their friends around. That's good. You want to see their friends and who they are hanging out with. You can speak into their lives better when you see who they are hanging around with. Don't turn a blind eye to the kind of friends they are hanging with. My dad used to say to my sisters and I...if you lie with the dogs you'll get flees. We had a pool so all the kids were always over. My parents got to see real quick the type of girls I was becoming friends with and they nicely gave their opinions about many of my them. Often. Until I could start choosing my friends wisely for myself. I have to be honest with this one though...that took a while. Be patient.
9. Stop complaining about everything. Really. Just stop. It's annoying and exhausting to hear moms complain and yell constantly. It's annoying to their spouses and kids, too. If you know this is something you struggle with, if you were honest with yourself, you're probably sick of your own voice complaining, too. Then you turn around and get mad at your kids for arguing, yelling and complaining. Where did they learn that from? Like the old adage goes if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all. Seriously. Silence is golden and so much better than the broken record complaining about the same things year after year. It's old and your kids are watching and learning that habit, too. He who holds is tongue is wise so, hold it.
10. Don't gossip. Don't play the victim. Let it go & don't hold grudges. Forgive and show mercy. (I guess that's six topics in one). Teach them to be aware that so many people are going through things and sometimes react to their own situations and may unknowingly or sometimes knowingly hurt people in their process. Allow your kids to understand that most everything people or friends do is not to intentionally hurt them. My parents would tell us girls that the world does not revolve around us & most likely the things friends do is not to intentionally hurt me. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That lesson was invaluable. Don't teach your kids to hold a grudge. Forgive & give 2nd chances. Thank God, He doesn't give us only one opportunity to get it right. I would have been out of the game 41 years ago if that were the case. Obviously, use wisdom in friendships and steer clear of toxic relationships but if a good friend makes a mistake, forgive and accept them where they are at in the moment & teach your kids to be aware of where their friends are at in life, too. Turns out my parents were right…the world really doesn't revolve around me or you so let things go and know it's not about you. Sometimes there is a bigger picture going on.
11. Be real. Be honest and learn how to apologize. We all make mistakes and by humbly saying sorry to your kids it teaches them such a huge lesson. They will understand that nobody is perfect (parents included) and that it is okay to admit to not having it all together all the time. It gives them room to come to you when they make their own mistakes and gives you the opportunity to walk them through it in a Godly way instead of trying to hide it from you and figure out a different way out of a mistake.
12. Teach them about God by living it in your home when nobody but your family is watching. Teaching them doesn't mean sending them to youth group, Christian school or another great family you know. None of those things will teach them if they see hypocrisy at home. Live out your faith in plain site in front of them to learn from. I didn't say it will be perfect. It won't be...none of us are but they will see a sincere pursuit of who God is in your life and that will profoundly affect them (even if that doesn't seem to show for a while). All your rules for them without a relationship is futile if they don't see you living with the conviction you are telling them to have. Kids have a crazy way of just knowing if you are living what you profess to believe or not.
13. Be people of conviction and integrity. Kids know what that is and they see whether you have it or not. Don't cheat on things because you think nobody outside the home knows. The more important group is inside your home and they are watching and learning.
14. Love them. Love them. Love them. Tell them you love them often. Show them you love them daily. Simply said but profoundly impactful.
Ok, so I went over my limit, I gave you my 14 things on my list (maybe one for each year of our parenting) but this list is not all inclusive. We are still learning each day and there are so many other things I could add. Maybe I will another time. Happy parenting. Don't ever forget they are gifts that God gave you to raise. Don't ever take that responsibility too lightly. You are raising world changers!
Amy Elizabeth
Be Inspired
Sunday, July 13, 2014
What's Your Story? - The Value of a Life.
In the last year and a half of my life I have had the privilege of meeting an insane amount of ladies since our Inspire launch last year in March.
With meeting all these different women and girls I began to see a theme woven through each of our ministry events, meetings and opportunities to serve the community around us. The theme? Every single one of us has a story. A story that pushes us, motivates us, drives us to pursue or do something more in this life. To give back.
I had to smile when I began to realize that through Inspire the gift God has most given to me has been people and awesome friendships. Friends who have spoken into my life, come along side of me, shared with me their lives & journey's. I am overcome with gratitude for this gift. I have learned through so many of them and am continuing to learn now how to share my life and story with others.
After this last Inspire event I felt more confident than ever that I was sharing exactly what I felt was the heart of God on rest & beauty in our lives. As I spoke about resting in what God can do in our lives and who God created us to be, God allowed me to actually speak from that place of rest in Him. He wants to speak and work through each of our lives and stories. There is such freedom in knowing that God can bring His beauty from all of our brokenness and pain and then use it in other lives.
That night as we highlighted several stories, I began to realize that there is something so indescribably powerful about each of our stories and the way we connect to people through what we go through. When we submit our lives and stories to the One who created us He will use the trials, the failures, the pain, the loss and ultimately the victory we have to connect and help other people. When we connect our lives to the stories of restored people & redeemed lives we are given that same God given hope that God can and will work all things out for His good.
With that being said, my heart is to publicly show each story we showed that night plus few more we have in our back pockets. My hope is that through these quick glimpses into a few friends journey's that you will see yourself and the realness of lives. We pray that you will experience hope in each short synopsis from their walk. My prayer is that possibly their tirals but more importantly their victory will speak volumes to you as you see first hand how God's hand was on them and His story and was written all throughout their lives.
Watch as you see how God takes what the devil intends for evil and uses it for His glory and good over and over again. He continues to speak through these ladies lives to inspire others to rise up and allow God to use their story to help others receive hope that God truly works all things out for His glory. Be encouraged that God's desire is the same for you...He has purpose for your life and wants to work through your story too.
So, take a moment to encourage your heart, connect with a few of these stories and be inspired to heal and walk in all that God calls you to today.
Our first story is from Erin Rohling, an absolute dear friend & inspiration. This clip just scratches the surface of her story but listen and let God speak to your heart. She and her husband, Paul pastor a growing church in Marlette, Mi called Hope Community Christian Church. http://www.hopeccchurch.org/
If you have a story of how you have overcome something, how God used it and would like to be featured in our Inspire. What's Your Story? summer video series, please email me and we can talk. My email is amyterm@gmail.com
Be Inspired!
Amy
With meeting all these different women and girls I began to see a theme woven through each of our ministry events, meetings and opportunities to serve the community around us. The theme? Every single one of us has a story. A story that pushes us, motivates us, drives us to pursue or do something more in this life. To give back.
I had to smile when I began to realize that through Inspire the gift God has most given to me has been people and awesome friendships. Friends who have spoken into my life, come along side of me, shared with me their lives & journey's. I am overcome with gratitude for this gift. I have learned through so many of them and am continuing to learn now how to share my life and story with others.
After this last Inspire event I felt more confident than ever that I was sharing exactly what I felt was the heart of God on rest & beauty in our lives. As I spoke about resting in what God can do in our lives and who God created us to be, God allowed me to actually speak from that place of rest in Him. He wants to speak and work through each of our lives and stories. There is such freedom in knowing that God can bring His beauty from all of our brokenness and pain and then use it in other lives.
With that being said, my heart is to publicly show each story we showed that night plus few more we have in our back pockets. My hope is that through these quick glimpses into a few friends journey's that you will see yourself and the realness of lives. We pray that you will experience hope in each short synopsis from their walk. My prayer is that possibly their tirals but more importantly their victory will speak volumes to you as you see first hand how God's hand was on them and His story and was written all throughout their lives.
Watch as you see how God takes what the devil intends for evil and uses it for His glory and good over and over again. He continues to speak through these ladies lives to inspire others to rise up and allow God to use their story to help others receive hope that God truly works all things out for His glory. Be encouraged that God's desire is the same for you...He has purpose for your life and wants to work through your story too.
So, take a moment to encourage your heart, connect with a few of these stories and be inspired to heal and walk in all that God calls you to today.
Our first story is from Erin Rohling, an absolute dear friend & inspiration. This clip just scratches the surface of her story but listen and let God speak to your heart. She and her husband, Paul pastor a growing church in Marlette, Mi called Hope Community Christian Church. http://www.hopeccchurch.org/
If you have a story of how you have overcome something, how God used it and would like to be featured in our Inspire. What's Your Story? summer video series, please email me and we can talk. My email is amyterm@gmail.com
Be Inspired!
Amy
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Resting Beauty
And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the work of our hands. Psalm 90:17
I'm not one for resting, sitting, napping or sleeping in. If I get too tired I think something is wrong and then my husband quickly reminds me that I've been running in a million different directions for too long so should sit and take a break.
I used to think that resting meant a time out, like I had been bad or was being punished for not doing something perfect. I thought if I rested that meant I was useless and wasn't contributing to society or community or anything.
It's only been in the last couple of years that God has shown me otherwise. Resting is so much more than being stationary or sedentary or a taking a break from something (although there are seasons of physical rest too). Over the course of the last couple of years God has shown me His definition of beauty and it comes from resting in who He is in our lives and what He is wanting to do through our lives and who we are in Him. It doesn't necessarily have to mean we physically sit and rest.
When we stop striving for our idea of perfection, or other people's approval or appreciation, when we stop trying to be the whole show or center stage that is when we can rest in who God is. We rest in what He is doing and we simply get to give our lives to Him and play a part in His story.
It really takes the pressure off of performing and striving to get it "right" all the time. Isn't that way too much pressure anyways? Trying to be right all the time? It's exhausting to feel like we have to have all the answers, fix every situation and get everything to fit into our idea of perfection. Sure, we are to do everything in excellence but when that becomes our idol and goal we have really missed the point of serving God because He is good. We are doing it because we want to be good and get the credit instead of giving credit to Him because He is good.
It is so much easier to rest and know that He is God and He has it and we don't need to worry about how He will work it all out. We can trust that His Word says He will work it all out, He does go ahead of us and He will direct our every step. There is so much more peace, rest and confidence when we listen to Him and decide to walk in His ways without trying to do it on our own.
So today trust and rest. Know that His beauty will be on you as He works in and through you to accomplish His work (because, honestly, it never really was ours to begin with)!
I'm not one for resting, sitting, napping or sleeping in. If I get too tired I think something is wrong and then my husband quickly reminds me that I've been running in a million different directions for too long so should sit and take a break.
I used to think that resting meant a time out, like I had been bad or was being punished for not doing something perfect. I thought if I rested that meant I was useless and wasn't contributing to society or community or anything.
It's only been in the last couple of years that God has shown me otherwise. Resting is so much more than being stationary or sedentary or a taking a break from something (although there are seasons of physical rest too). Over the course of the last couple of years God has shown me His definition of beauty and it comes from resting in who He is in our lives and what He is wanting to do through our lives and who we are in Him. It doesn't necessarily have to mean we physically sit and rest.
When we stop striving for our idea of perfection, or other people's approval or appreciation, when we stop trying to be the whole show or center stage that is when we can rest in who God is. We rest in what He is doing and we simply get to give our lives to Him and play a part in His story.
It really takes the pressure off of performing and striving to get it "right" all the time. Isn't that way too much pressure anyways? Trying to be right all the time? It's exhausting to feel like we have to have all the answers, fix every situation and get everything to fit into our idea of perfection. Sure, we are to do everything in excellence but when that becomes our idol and goal we have really missed the point of serving God because He is good. We are doing it because we want to be good and get the credit instead of giving credit to Him because He is good.
It is so much easier to rest and know that He is God and He has it and we don't need to worry about how He will work it all out. We can trust that His Word says He will work it all out, He does go ahead of us and He will direct our every step. There is so much more peace, rest and confidence when we listen to Him and decide to walk in His ways without trying to do it on our own.
So today trust and rest. Know that His beauty will be on you as He works in and through you to accomplish His work (because, honestly, it never really was ours to begin with)!
Monday, March 31, 2014
Comfort Received. Comfort Given.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
This verse was given to me a few years back smack dab in the middle of my chaotic grief-filled life. My heart was silenced at the power of those words. I knew at that moment that I may not have had all the reasons as to why my dad died but I did have the purpose I was to take up after the grief had lifted.
This morning I sit here, saddened by the fact that, yet, another one of my friends have begun their journey in grief this past weekend. She lost her daddy. My heart broke as I spoke with her. It broke because of the pain in her voice that I was all to familiar with, it broke because I know the journey she is now on but did not choose to take and it broke because, in an instant, I could put myself back to that very second I lost my daddy, and the pain that was indescribable yet so very tangible.
I vowed to myself the moment I received that Bible verse several years ago that I would be the one that did exactly what that verse said to do. Quite honestly people failed miserably (other than a very small few) but God did not fail me. Ever. His comfort and Words were perfect. He comforted me so I could comfort somebody else. I will share that concept for the rest of my life.
Time & grief have passed. The God of all comfort comforted me so that my heart would be opened to show that same comfort I received to anyone I get the opportunity to talk to. I realize now that often times people who have not gone through that pain do not know what to say or do....and that is alright. However, because I have been comforted, I want to show comfort. It is only God that can truly heal a broken heart. My prayer is simply that He would use me as a catalyst to share even just a small fraction of that comfort with a friend. God will take it from there and heal. It is only God that can bring peace to a broken heart. It is only God that can restore and mend. I just get to point my friends to Him.
Today my friend begins her journey and my heart hurts for her but I know that the God of all comfort will comfort her just like He comforted me and anyone else that begins this unexpected journey.
This verse was given to me a few years back smack dab in the middle of my chaotic grief-filled life. My heart was silenced at the power of those words. I knew at that moment that I may not have had all the reasons as to why my dad died but I did have the purpose I was to take up after the grief had lifted.
This morning I sit here, saddened by the fact that, yet, another one of my friends have begun their journey in grief this past weekend. She lost her daddy. My heart broke as I spoke with her. It broke because of the pain in her voice that I was all to familiar with, it broke because I know the journey she is now on but did not choose to take and it broke because, in an instant, I could put myself back to that very second I lost my daddy, and the pain that was indescribable yet so very tangible.
I vowed to myself the moment I received that Bible verse several years ago that I would be the one that did exactly what that verse said to do. Quite honestly people failed miserably (other than a very small few) but God did not fail me. Ever. His comfort and Words were perfect. He comforted me so I could comfort somebody else. I will share that concept for the rest of my life.
Time & grief have passed. The God of all comfort comforted me so that my heart would be opened to show that same comfort I received to anyone I get the opportunity to talk to. I realize now that often times people who have not gone through that pain do not know what to say or do....and that is alright. However, because I have been comforted, I want to show comfort. It is only God that can truly heal a broken heart. My prayer is simply that He would use me as a catalyst to share even just a small fraction of that comfort with a friend. God will take it from there and heal. It is only God that can bring peace to a broken heart. It is only God that can restore and mend. I just get to point my friends to Him.
Today my friend begins her journey and my heart hurts for her but I know that the God of all comfort will comfort her just like He comforted me and anyone else that begins this unexpected journey.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Lessons from the Life of David - Worship is More than a Song.
As I've been studying the life of David, I think the thing that has stood out to me the most was that he was a worshiper and a warrior. That would seem like a disconnect to most but when you begin to study his life you realize those two things were very much interwoven into the fabric of his personality and calling. Even during the times he wasn't playing his harp but rather fighting instead, he was still writing songs (psalms). His heart for worship defined his life even during the times of battle. As worshipers we, too, are fighting battles in worship. Battles are fought and won while worshiping God. That time spent with God (whether in a corporate or personal time) bears a lot of weight to Him and accomplishes so much. Through worship God can bring healing, peace, joy, breakthrough and answers. He calls us to worship Him so many times throughout His Word. When we are sad. We are to worship. When we are happy. We worship. When we are afraid. Worship. There are battles fought and won and in His presence. So, we are worshipers and warriors too.
God has always spoken to me through songs and I hope He always will. A couple of years ago I stepped away from leading worship not knowing if I would ever do it again. It felt like another sort of death. When I stepped down, quite honestly I was heartbroken for many many months over that decision I needed to make. Eventually I stopped crying about it and started asking God why I needed to lay that down. I took a year and pulled back from everyone to seek God, clear my head and focused on Him.
Throughout the last couple of years my prayer has been constantly that I would learn how to trust Him and worship Him when nobody saw me up front leading worship. I wanted to know how to worship Him even when I didn't have a microphone in front of me or even when singing wasn't public.
As I have been studying the life of David I began to see David's heart for worship written in the pages throughout each season of his life. There was a long time between when he was anointed & promised to be king and actually taking his seat as king and yet, through it all, he was worshiping and writing songs and had a heart after God in every season.
My sister sent me this song Clear the Stage a while back and it honestly seems as though this man wrote the last couple years of my life in a song. Go ahead & listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6smGew7dGto
There is a line in the song that says "You can sing all you want to and still get it wrong because worship is more than a song. We must not worship something that is not even worth it. Clear the stage for the one that deserves it. Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I want more than God is an idol." That means anything.
The are times you need to take a step back and check that your heart is doing something for the right reasons. You can, at times, become so consumed by doing something really awesome that you lose sight of who you are doing it for. When the singing, music, performing, working, parenting, leading ministries (or whatever you are doing) takes the place of God you need to stop and evaluate some things. Albeit great things but if it takes the place of God than it is an idol. Doing things for God is not necessarily what worship is.
In the last couple of years God has spoken to me about what worship really is. Worship is not necessarily music. Worship is not always the song or the lights, or the people. It isn't your calling or the show or even the feeling. Worship is something you do with your life. It is giving everything you are to everything He is because He is worthy of all our worship. I still have an undeniable passion for worship and the music and I have started singing again but I know that the object of this passion is not the music but for God whether I am singing it or living it....worshiping God should be a lifestyle not a song set.
It is laying anything and everything down so He gets the glory in every area of life. It is a heart resting and trusting in His goodness and faithfulness. It is a heart pursuing Him and walking in your gifts and callings because He is good not because you are good.
Do you have something in your life that is your calling or passion & seems like this amazing thing but tends to consume you and has become your idol? Pray like David "Create in my a clean heart, oh God. Renew a right spirit within in me". David knew he was anointed to be king very early in life but his journey was long before he took that place. In all his ups and downs, failures and victories, David continued to live a life given to worship and sought the Lord for direction constantly. He was a man after God's own heart in everything he did and sang about in his life.
We are to worship God at all times and in all things with our lives not just our songs. Even if that means we do not have a microphone in front of us. I would actually argue that we can worship Him best when there are no microphones in front of us, no audience, no show. Just you, Him and your heart & life given to God in complete surrender and worship. That is a life of worship.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lesson's from David's Life - Free from Control
Ok, so if you have been in the church any longer than a second then you know the next story by heart (or at least can paraphrase it).
1 Samuel 24. Saul has been searching for David to kill him. Saul finds himself in a cave relieving himself not realizing that David was even further back in the cave. David does not seize the opportunity to kill Saul but instead cuts off a corner of his cloak. Later walks outside to tell Saul, hey, just so you know I could have killed you in that cave but I didn't…and here is proof with a piece of your cloak. David, in doing the right thing by not killing him, caused Saul to have great remorse (for the moment) and asked that God would bless David greatly. David couldn't control Saul's feelings rather David's actions set the stage for Saul to feel that remorse. Saul had to choose that for himself (and honestly David risked Saul not responding positively but choose not to kill him anyway).
I am the oldest of 3 girls with one of my sisters having a learning disability. My entire childhood I heard, Amy, take care of your sisters, make sure Lisa is alright, watch out for her, make sure nobody teases her, make sure she gets on the bus. Watch that Sara crosses the road to Victoria's alright. Call her home, start the bath for her when she was a toddler (she is 6 years younger than me), feed them, get the bandaids and take care of her scrape…on and on it goes. I loved being in charge.
Now married with 3 of my own girls. As a mom it is engrained to make sure you take care of everything for your young kids until they can do it on their own. I could write down that very long to do list on caring for them but I do not have enough space….you get the idea. After my dad died I felt this innate responsibility as the oldest to take care of things and make sure everything was alright (now looking back I have to laugh at the ridiculous thought of trying to make death alright). Control.
As the oldest it is often your responsibility growing up to be in control of any and all the situations. It is engrained in you from your earliest memories to make sure everything is alright. Your parents call on you to take care of your siblings. Parenting, for a first born, is a natural transition because you still get to be bossy and control people and stuff. Then you begin to realize you take that into every situation you come into contact with. Your natural bent is to control and take care of situations (which, in and of itself, can be very helpful because you are deemed trustworthy and able to be counted on) but there comes a point that you realize that you are not in control of everyone else's outcomes and life. You cannot control their actions like you were raised to think you could.
At that point you have a decision to make. You can decide to get frustrated that people are not doing it like you want them to or you can let it go and realize that everyone has their own responsibility to make their own choices and decisions. Freeing really, when the reality that you are not responsible for anybody's choices, decisions and outcomes..only God is. Obviously, you can still help, give advice and opinions and work with people but ultimately people will have to make their own choices for their own lives and you cannot do that for them.
Here Saul is hunting David down to kill him and when given the opportunity to seize the day and take out his opponent, David doesn't go for it. He is only responsible for himself and not how Saul is responding. David is not responsible for Saul's irrational drive to kill him. David cannot control what Saul does or tries to do. When given the chance to kill Saul, David knew he couldn't control Saul's emotions and response. He could only control his and that is what he did. He choose to forgo the opportunity to kill the king even though he had the chance. He knew he was only responsible for what he did and not responsible for what Saul was going to do.
Liberating really when you think of it. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions…neither good or bad. When you spend your whole life making sure everyone is alright you begin to feel like it is your responsibility to make everyone's circumstance work out when in all actuality, God is responsible for outcomes and people are responsible for their own actions. It is not your job to get people to do what you think they should. You are only responsible for your life and choices and let God deal with everyone else.
1 Samuel 24. Saul has been searching for David to kill him. Saul finds himself in a cave relieving himself not realizing that David was even further back in the cave. David does not seize the opportunity to kill Saul but instead cuts off a corner of his cloak. Later walks outside to tell Saul, hey, just so you know I could have killed you in that cave but I didn't…and here is proof with a piece of your cloak. David, in doing the right thing by not killing him, caused Saul to have great remorse (for the moment) and asked that God would bless David greatly. David couldn't control Saul's feelings rather David's actions set the stage for Saul to feel that remorse. Saul had to choose that for himself (and honestly David risked Saul not responding positively but choose not to kill him anyway).
I am the oldest of 3 girls with one of my sisters having a learning disability. My entire childhood I heard, Amy, take care of your sisters, make sure Lisa is alright, watch out for her, make sure nobody teases her, make sure she gets on the bus. Watch that Sara crosses the road to Victoria's alright. Call her home, start the bath for her when she was a toddler (she is 6 years younger than me), feed them, get the bandaids and take care of her scrape…on and on it goes. I loved being in charge.
Now married with 3 of my own girls. As a mom it is engrained to make sure you take care of everything for your young kids until they can do it on their own. I could write down that very long to do list on caring for them but I do not have enough space….you get the idea. After my dad died I felt this innate responsibility as the oldest to take care of things and make sure everything was alright (now looking back I have to laugh at the ridiculous thought of trying to make death alright). Control.
As the oldest it is often your responsibility growing up to be in control of any and all the situations. It is engrained in you from your earliest memories to make sure everything is alright. Your parents call on you to take care of your siblings. Parenting, for a first born, is a natural transition because you still get to be bossy and control people and stuff. Then you begin to realize you take that into every situation you come into contact with. Your natural bent is to control and take care of situations (which, in and of itself, can be very helpful because you are deemed trustworthy and able to be counted on) but there comes a point that you realize that you are not in control of everyone else's outcomes and life. You cannot control their actions like you were raised to think you could.
At that point you have a decision to make. You can decide to get frustrated that people are not doing it like you want them to or you can let it go and realize that everyone has their own responsibility to make their own choices and decisions. Freeing really, when the reality that you are not responsible for anybody's choices, decisions and outcomes..only God is. Obviously, you can still help, give advice and opinions and work with people but ultimately people will have to make their own choices for their own lives and you cannot do that for them.
Here Saul is hunting David down to kill him and when given the opportunity to seize the day and take out his opponent, David doesn't go for it. He is only responsible for himself and not how Saul is responding. David is not responsible for Saul's irrational drive to kill him. David cannot control what Saul does or tries to do. When given the chance to kill Saul, David knew he couldn't control Saul's emotions and response. He could only control his and that is what he did. He choose to forgo the opportunity to kill the king even though he had the chance. He knew he was only responsible for what he did and not responsible for what Saul was going to do.
Liberating really when you think of it. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions…neither good or bad. When you spend your whole life making sure everyone is alright you begin to feel like it is your responsibility to make everyone's circumstance work out when in all actuality, God is responsible for outcomes and people are responsible for their own actions. It is not your job to get people to do what you think they should. You are only responsible for your life and choices and let God deal with everyone else.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Lessons From David's life - Trust, Gossip & Reactions
This year I have been focusing on the life of David. Not necessarily by choice but honestly because his story has came up everywhere I turn for the last couple of months. I finally have caught on that God is speaking to me this year through David's life. As I learn a few things I will share them as I go along….mostly short blogs to journal what I am learning (so I'm not sure how much it will help anyone as much as it helps me but still feel like I want to share).
Among several things I've learned so far (I will blog those later) the thing that stuck out to me today is in 1 Samuel 22:22 "Then David said to Abiathar, That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul…. (stop, he knew Doeg was going to tell Saul but talked anyways)…. I am responsible for the death of your whole family." Saul had Doeg the Edomite, (because he was so mad at what Doeg had told him about David earlier in that chapter), kill 85 priests, the town of the priests with its men & women, children and infants and its cattle, donkeys and sheep.
Now, I am not a Bible scholar but it seems as though David feels responsible for all these deaths because of what was said in front of Doeg the Edomite and then Doeg went and told Saul which in turn really angered Saul and he then reacted by killing all these priests (let's be honest though…Saul was a ticking time bomb and really didn't need a valid reason to kill anyone…he had some serious anger & jealousy issues & so seized the opportunity to kill with information given to him. Nonetheless, David felt responsible).
Ok. Quick lesson learned? I do not like girl drama or gossip…never have, never will. Because of that fact I generally am very cautious on who I trust. I was raised to not listen or react to gossip or drama. I am married to a man who can see those types of girls from miles away and will quickly let me know when he spots those traits in anyone. With that being said, I am very intentional about not joining in or adding to those types of conversations and do not make close friendships with them ever. Mainly because I figure if someone is talking to me about somebody else than chances are I'm not that special…they are talking to someone else about me and therefore cannot be trusted so I make a note in mind to never share anything personal with them. Sometimes, however, I make mistakes.
My caveat to the story...I had a friend last year tell me that year 3 in loss was going to be the hardest. I remember thinking…no I don't buy that. I was really hoping that statement wasn't true. Now looking back, I think my guard was down in a few areas because, yes, year 3, I really still was inadvertently working through loss stuff & because I was focused on that I was unable to discern some other things (which I could & will write a blog about how the enemy will really try to distract and ruin you in your weakest times…he truly works overtime during the times you are down the most). Don't let him get a foothold!
Anyways, with that being said, I had an acquaintance who I've only known a few years tell me something about a big situation that was not hers to talk about (and that I, quite honestly, did not even want to be a part of). When she told me the "facts' it didn't seem true at the time and I should have ignored what she said but I was so focused on other areas of my life that I didn't have the time or emotional energy to discern that what she was telling me was untrue...not excusing my behavior, just giving a fact now that I can look back with clarity. I let my guard down, believed her lie that was simply stirring the pot and when I normally walk away from those times, instead, I joined in and added my very unnecessary two cents….it spiraled…I thought I was angry (now I realize I was probably more hurt than angry at the thought of not being included in something ironically enough, I didn't want to be included in to begin with). I still allowed this girls words to stir me up, not think clearly and then over reacted to information that I learned later was false after the damage I did was done. Embarrassing to even admit in a blog but maybe my lesson learned will help somebody else.
I impulsively reacted to gossip and, in turn, really yelled and got mad at someone who did not deserve it! I have never ever in all my life stooped down to a level where I just lost it, yelled at someone and had no filter and said things that were beyond hurtful (all because Doeg the Edomite came and told me about a situation that was not hers to talk about). I have consistently in life made decisions to walk away from things and not let somebody else's foolish words stir me up enough to hurt somebody else like that ever…but I messed up.
After I read that section in 1 Samuel this morning, God quietly spoke to my heart about that situation that I had forgotten details of & have moved past from with lessons learned….but this morning I can see mistakes made last year here on the pages of Samuel. I have sent a card and texts saying sorry. I have asked for forgiveness but still my heart hurts because I hate how I got caught up in foolish gossip listening to untrue comments & reacted by hurting someone else.
Now obviously, unlike Saul, there were not priests or women or children killed but words are so powerful and can give life or death. I am such a huge proponent on how our words affect people and the enemy used what I always preached, against me and I sadly fell for it.
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that I let my guard down and listened to somebody like Doeg the Edomite and I reacted, in turn, like Saul I choose to hurt instead of walk away and not react. I know maybe this is a stretch but that is the lesson I am taking away from this chapter.
When somebody comes and tells you something they heard that is gossip and seems wrong, don't listen, don't react. Better yet stop them if it is gossip and information that does not belong to you. Walk away. You never want to react and "kill' someone with words because you foolishly let your guard down long enough to entertain the rants of a gossip only to be responsible for "killing some priests" with your reaction.
I learned that lesson last year…but here I see how God's word speaks to us and confirms the way we are to live and not live in so many ways. Just listen (unless it is a gossip…than don't listen and just walk away…it can save a life).
"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
"Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down" Proverbs 26:20
Among several things I've learned so far (I will blog those later) the thing that stuck out to me today is in 1 Samuel 22:22 "Then David said to Abiathar, That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul…. (stop, he knew Doeg was going to tell Saul but talked anyways)…. I am responsible for the death of your whole family." Saul had Doeg the Edomite, (because he was so mad at what Doeg had told him about David earlier in that chapter), kill 85 priests, the town of the priests with its men & women, children and infants and its cattle, donkeys and sheep.
Now, I am not a Bible scholar but it seems as though David feels responsible for all these deaths because of what was said in front of Doeg the Edomite and then Doeg went and told Saul which in turn really angered Saul and he then reacted by killing all these priests (let's be honest though…Saul was a ticking time bomb and really didn't need a valid reason to kill anyone…he had some serious anger & jealousy issues & so seized the opportunity to kill with information given to him. Nonetheless, David felt responsible).
Ok. Quick lesson learned? I do not like girl drama or gossip…never have, never will. Because of that fact I generally am very cautious on who I trust. I was raised to not listen or react to gossip or drama. I am married to a man who can see those types of girls from miles away and will quickly let me know when he spots those traits in anyone. With that being said, I am very intentional about not joining in or adding to those types of conversations and do not make close friendships with them ever. Mainly because I figure if someone is talking to me about somebody else than chances are I'm not that special…they are talking to someone else about me and therefore cannot be trusted so I make a note in mind to never share anything personal with them. Sometimes, however, I make mistakes.
My caveat to the story...I had a friend last year tell me that year 3 in loss was going to be the hardest. I remember thinking…no I don't buy that. I was really hoping that statement wasn't true. Now looking back, I think my guard was down in a few areas because, yes, year 3, I really still was inadvertently working through loss stuff & because I was focused on that I was unable to discern some other things (which I could & will write a blog about how the enemy will really try to distract and ruin you in your weakest times…he truly works overtime during the times you are down the most). Don't let him get a foothold!
Anyways, with that being said, I had an acquaintance who I've only known a few years tell me something about a big situation that was not hers to talk about (and that I, quite honestly, did not even want to be a part of). When she told me the "facts' it didn't seem true at the time and I should have ignored what she said but I was so focused on other areas of my life that I didn't have the time or emotional energy to discern that what she was telling me was untrue...not excusing my behavior, just giving a fact now that I can look back with clarity. I let my guard down, believed her lie that was simply stirring the pot and when I normally walk away from those times, instead, I joined in and added my very unnecessary two cents….it spiraled…I thought I was angry (now I realize I was probably more hurt than angry at the thought of not being included in something ironically enough, I didn't want to be included in to begin with). I still allowed this girls words to stir me up, not think clearly and then over reacted to information that I learned later was false after the damage I did was done. Embarrassing to even admit in a blog but maybe my lesson learned will help somebody else.
I impulsively reacted to gossip and, in turn, really yelled and got mad at someone who did not deserve it! I have never ever in all my life stooped down to a level where I just lost it, yelled at someone and had no filter and said things that were beyond hurtful (all because Doeg the Edomite came and told me about a situation that was not hers to talk about). I have consistently in life made decisions to walk away from things and not let somebody else's foolish words stir me up enough to hurt somebody else like that ever…but I messed up.
After I read that section in 1 Samuel this morning, God quietly spoke to my heart about that situation that I had forgotten details of & have moved past from with lessons learned….but this morning I can see mistakes made last year here on the pages of Samuel. I have sent a card and texts saying sorry. I have asked for forgiveness but still my heart hurts because I hate how I got caught up in foolish gossip listening to untrue comments & reacted by hurting someone else.
Now obviously, unlike Saul, there were not priests or women or children killed but words are so powerful and can give life or death. I am such a huge proponent on how our words affect people and the enemy used what I always preached, against me and I sadly fell for it.
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that I let my guard down and listened to somebody like Doeg the Edomite and I reacted, in turn, like Saul I choose to hurt instead of walk away and not react. I know maybe this is a stretch but that is the lesson I am taking away from this chapter.
When somebody comes and tells you something they heard that is gossip and seems wrong, don't listen, don't react. Better yet stop them if it is gossip and information that does not belong to you. Walk away. You never want to react and "kill' someone with words because you foolishly let your guard down long enough to entertain the rants of a gossip only to be responsible for "killing some priests" with your reaction.
I learned that lesson last year…but here I see how God's word speaks to us and confirms the way we are to live and not live in so many ways. Just listen (unless it is a gossip…than don't listen and just walk away…it can save a life).
"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
"Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down" Proverbs 26:20
Thursday, February 27, 2014
The Tale of Two Leaders.
A tale of two leaders.
There once was a young lady beginning her career. She was hired as an intern at a large, successful architectural firm with world wide recognition in design. She interned in a department where she had two very different bosses. The first boss she worked with for the first part of each week. This boss was demonstrative and demeaning and often so demanding and condescending it left her a bit nervous to work with him. She felt inadequate in each project she did with him. She often felt there was not a project she did well enough for him. Most of the time she questioned her talent and intelligence while working by his side. He questioned her work constantly and left her wondering if she was ever going to learn all she needed in order to be hired there full time. This boss talked about himself and his accomplishments constantly all while putting others down and questioning everyone's abilities and competence at the office. She was well aware of his great accomplishments and often felt unworthy and not good enough to be there. She often stood by watching him complete her projects because he didn't think she would complete it to his liking or he would just stand over her shoulder while she worked to make sure she completed the job to his liking. He would often times go back and re do projects to his liking. In his presence she was keenly aware of his abilities and her lack of abilities…it was seemingly clear, his talent and experience were both far greater than hers.
The second boss she interned with the second half of each week. This boss had a much different style. He often asked for her opinion on each project they worked on. He would ask her how to do the projects and often seemed like he knew much less than her because he asked constantly for her opinion for each job. She would leave each day thinking…I am so much smarter than this man and much more competent and talented because he won't even do these projects but rather hands them off to me. She would often think why is he even working beside me if he is having me do all the work? She thought his questions and encouragement for her to complete the projects was due to his lack of ability and flat out laziness. She would get frustrated because many times, as she interned with this boss, she would make mistakes that he wouldn't catch or even seem to care about. As the weeks went into months, she pushed herself to read up more on each project and not wait for him to help but just do it herself until she began to make fewer mistakes. She started to get excited for what she had been learning, no thanks to him. He was often distant and just handed projects off to her and said please complete this project and turn it in to me next week and would then disappear for the rest of the day.
After her 3 month internship was completed she was called in to the president's office for a review with the 2 bosses she had worked alongside of for the past 3 months. She was hoping to get a great review from both men and would be offered her dream job. She was so excited to meet the president of this widely successful architectural firm. It would be such an honor and accomplishment.
She walked in and sat down next to her first boss (the overpowering, arrogant and demonstrative man). The very sight of him made her so nervous wondering what kind of review he would give her, considering every project they had worked on together, he would undo and harshly critique. She thought he would surely judge her work much harsher than her other boss because she was seemingly so un talented and inept throughout her internship with him. She couldn't reconcile how she could doubt her ability so much with him but be so confident and accomplish so much in the second part of each week with her other boss.
She found it very odd that there were only 2 chairs for them to sit on. Her chair and her intimidating boss's chair both in front of the president's desk. Why was there not another chair for her other boss? She laughed to herself at the thought that he probably got fired for being such a horrible and incompetent boss and not teaching as much as he was suppose to her but expecting her to work on all the projects and learn from her own mistakes. Serves him right, she thought, for being so lazy. As she sat next to the other man she thought, I hope one day I can know as much as him and accomplish as much as he has accomplished.
The two of them sat quietly waiting for the second boss and president to get to the meeting. They both sat there looking forward in this top floor presidents office that took up the entire 78th floor of this beautiful skyscraper building. They looked at the huge presidential style desk up against the backdrop of New York City through the wall of windows. The view was breathtaking. It was taking a while and she was getting more and more nervous at the thought of the review.
The second boss walked in a few minutes late (of course he's late, she thought). As she turned around she told him there are only 2 chairs but go ahead and pull up a chair from the other side of the room and come sit up here by the desk. He humbly smiled and said no thank you I will sit over here….as he walked past her and sat down on the chair behind the presidents desk.
Perplexed by his behavior. She said what? What are you doing? He smiled and said she had done such an amazing job in the last 3 months of her internship. He was very impressed with her ability to problem solve, complete projects, work with others on the team and with her talent. She sat there with her jaw dropped. She was interning this entire time for the president of this enormous firm and he never mentioned that one time? He said what he loved the most was the fact that when he gave her a project she took the time to learn how to do it and complete it. He said she was so driven to do it well and that showed her ability and character. He added that he loved when he asked her questions she was so focused on getting the answers by working even harder. He said he knew she could do it and she proved that he was right and was glad he gave her so much to do.
Tears began to well up in her eyes…all those times he asked her questions wasn't because he didn't know the answer…it was because he did know the answer but wanted her to either find the answer herself or trust that she already knew the answer and had to implement it herself instead of second guessing what she already knew. He didn't want her to depend on her first boss to come in and tell her what she did wrong & redo it. He was encouraging her to step out and gain confidence in her ability instead of comparing herself to another person's work.
She was overwhelmed at the very clear fact now that she had been interviewing for the president for the last 3 months. He took the time to believe in her, encourage her and trusted that she knew what she was doing. She was humbled at the thought of his leadership and how he never bragged about his very obvious accomplishments as the president of this multi million dollar company. He took time to encourage and believe in some girl intern he didn't even know! She felt guilt for thinking he was, at times, incompetent and lazy and now realized that he was intentionally giving her projects to train her for the job he knew laid ahead for her. He wanted her to believe in what she had hoped was true about herself….she did have talent.
He turned to her and said you are hired. Through her glassy eyes she said thank you but for what position. He turned to her first boss and said….you are hired for his position. She gasped. His position? Why? He said, because of his arrogance and project over site, I have lost more money than I care to admit. The morale on his floor has been shattered because everyone on his team feels inadequate and inferior to him. They never feel good enough to work on his projects and he re did most of their work only to present it to several of our clients completely wrong and it cost us money….but more importantly he has cost us our reputation with a clients because of his arrogant attitude.
You see, his words, are far more competent than his ability and he consistently wanted everyone to know how great he was. That is not the kind of leadership I want for my company. In order to build a company and a successful team, you need to get your employees to believe in their own God given abilities and talent & not try to mimic a person whose ability they think they need. Each person on my team needs to work on the job they are suppose to do instead of all doing the same job as some arrogant guy who thinks everyone should do it like him. I want a team not a dictator. And a team has many different jobs all working towards the same goal.
She left that day with a very powerful life lesson. Leadership comes in all sorts of styles and walking in humility, may very well give you the keys to a way bigger job than you ever knew you were interviewing for.
She learned that day to be careful as to how you treat people. Value them and their God given abilities. Be the kind of leader who encourages and inspires people to walk in all that God calls them to instead of intimidating them into what you want them to do. Each of us has different gifts and callings so be humble because who knows, God may be preparing you to lead something you never even imagined God could call you to lead!
Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10
There once was a young lady beginning her career. She was hired as an intern at a large, successful architectural firm with world wide recognition in design. She interned in a department where she had two very different bosses. The first boss she worked with for the first part of each week. This boss was demonstrative and demeaning and often so demanding and condescending it left her a bit nervous to work with him. She felt inadequate in each project she did with him. She often felt there was not a project she did well enough for him. Most of the time she questioned her talent and intelligence while working by his side. He questioned her work constantly and left her wondering if she was ever going to learn all she needed in order to be hired there full time. This boss talked about himself and his accomplishments constantly all while putting others down and questioning everyone's abilities and competence at the office. She was well aware of his great accomplishments and often felt unworthy and not good enough to be there. She often stood by watching him complete her projects because he didn't think she would complete it to his liking or he would just stand over her shoulder while she worked to make sure she completed the job to his liking. He would often times go back and re do projects to his liking. In his presence she was keenly aware of his abilities and her lack of abilities…it was seemingly clear, his talent and experience were both far greater than hers.
The second boss she interned with the second half of each week. This boss had a much different style. He often asked for her opinion on each project they worked on. He would ask her how to do the projects and often seemed like he knew much less than her because he asked constantly for her opinion for each job. She would leave each day thinking…I am so much smarter than this man and much more competent and talented because he won't even do these projects but rather hands them off to me. She would often think why is he even working beside me if he is having me do all the work? She thought his questions and encouragement for her to complete the projects was due to his lack of ability and flat out laziness. She would get frustrated because many times, as she interned with this boss, she would make mistakes that he wouldn't catch or even seem to care about. As the weeks went into months, she pushed herself to read up more on each project and not wait for him to help but just do it herself until she began to make fewer mistakes. She started to get excited for what she had been learning, no thanks to him. He was often distant and just handed projects off to her and said please complete this project and turn it in to me next week and would then disappear for the rest of the day.
After her 3 month internship was completed she was called in to the president's office for a review with the 2 bosses she had worked alongside of for the past 3 months. She was hoping to get a great review from both men and would be offered her dream job. She was so excited to meet the president of this widely successful architectural firm. It would be such an honor and accomplishment.
She walked in and sat down next to her first boss (the overpowering, arrogant and demonstrative man). The very sight of him made her so nervous wondering what kind of review he would give her, considering every project they had worked on together, he would undo and harshly critique. She thought he would surely judge her work much harsher than her other boss because she was seemingly so un talented and inept throughout her internship with him. She couldn't reconcile how she could doubt her ability so much with him but be so confident and accomplish so much in the second part of each week with her other boss.
She found it very odd that there were only 2 chairs for them to sit on. Her chair and her intimidating boss's chair both in front of the president's desk. Why was there not another chair for her other boss? She laughed to herself at the thought that he probably got fired for being such a horrible and incompetent boss and not teaching as much as he was suppose to her but expecting her to work on all the projects and learn from her own mistakes. Serves him right, she thought, for being so lazy. As she sat next to the other man she thought, I hope one day I can know as much as him and accomplish as much as he has accomplished.
The two of them sat quietly waiting for the second boss and president to get to the meeting. They both sat there looking forward in this top floor presidents office that took up the entire 78th floor of this beautiful skyscraper building. They looked at the huge presidential style desk up against the backdrop of New York City through the wall of windows. The view was breathtaking. It was taking a while and she was getting more and more nervous at the thought of the review.
The second boss walked in a few minutes late (of course he's late, she thought). As she turned around she told him there are only 2 chairs but go ahead and pull up a chair from the other side of the room and come sit up here by the desk. He humbly smiled and said no thank you I will sit over here….as he walked past her and sat down on the chair behind the presidents desk.
Perplexed by his behavior. She said what? What are you doing? He smiled and said she had done such an amazing job in the last 3 months of her internship. He was very impressed with her ability to problem solve, complete projects, work with others on the team and with her talent. She sat there with her jaw dropped. She was interning this entire time for the president of this enormous firm and he never mentioned that one time? He said what he loved the most was the fact that when he gave her a project she took the time to learn how to do it and complete it. He said she was so driven to do it well and that showed her ability and character. He added that he loved when he asked her questions she was so focused on getting the answers by working even harder. He said he knew she could do it and she proved that he was right and was glad he gave her so much to do.
Tears began to well up in her eyes…all those times he asked her questions wasn't because he didn't know the answer…it was because he did know the answer but wanted her to either find the answer herself or trust that she already knew the answer and had to implement it herself instead of second guessing what she already knew. He didn't want her to depend on her first boss to come in and tell her what she did wrong & redo it. He was encouraging her to step out and gain confidence in her ability instead of comparing herself to another person's work.
She was overwhelmed at the very clear fact now that she had been interviewing for the president for the last 3 months. He took the time to believe in her, encourage her and trusted that she knew what she was doing. She was humbled at the thought of his leadership and how he never bragged about his very obvious accomplishments as the president of this multi million dollar company. He took time to encourage and believe in some girl intern he didn't even know! She felt guilt for thinking he was, at times, incompetent and lazy and now realized that he was intentionally giving her projects to train her for the job he knew laid ahead for her. He wanted her to believe in what she had hoped was true about herself….she did have talent.
He turned to her and said you are hired. Through her glassy eyes she said thank you but for what position. He turned to her first boss and said….you are hired for his position. She gasped. His position? Why? He said, because of his arrogance and project over site, I have lost more money than I care to admit. The morale on his floor has been shattered because everyone on his team feels inadequate and inferior to him. They never feel good enough to work on his projects and he re did most of their work only to present it to several of our clients completely wrong and it cost us money….but more importantly he has cost us our reputation with a clients because of his arrogant attitude.
You see, his words, are far more competent than his ability and he consistently wanted everyone to know how great he was. That is not the kind of leadership I want for my company. In order to build a company and a successful team, you need to get your employees to believe in their own God given abilities and talent & not try to mimic a person whose ability they think they need. Each person on my team needs to work on the job they are suppose to do instead of all doing the same job as some arrogant guy who thinks everyone should do it like him. I want a team not a dictator. And a team has many different jobs all working towards the same goal.
She left that day with a very powerful life lesson. Leadership comes in all sorts of styles and walking in humility, may very well give you the keys to a way bigger job than you ever knew you were interviewing for.
She learned that day to be careful as to how you treat people. Value them and their God given abilities. Be the kind of leader who encourages and inspires people to walk in all that God calls them to instead of intimidating them into what you want them to do. Each of us has different gifts and callings so be humble because who knows, God may be preparing you to lead something you never even imagined God could call you to lead!
Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10
Monday, February 3, 2014
Living in Community
My topic today is Community and I would really love to hear your feedback in the comment section at the end of the blog on today's subject, too. Feel free to share your heart.
Community.
I grew up in a small town further north. Came from a good family where family values and strong communication were always encouraged and expected. I grew up in a small church where everyone knew my name. I liked knowing that I was known and that my family was known. Actually, the whole town knew everyones name. Yes, kind of like that song.
How do you define community?
Connection and community were engrained into every fiber of who I (was) and am as a person. It was taught by example from very early on and expected unconditionally to be lived out and shared.
How do you define community?
It is the filter or lens I look through to see the world around me. It is how I view parenting, marriage, friendships, the Church and anything else I encounter involving people. It's how I view working relationships and serving or volunteering endeavors. To work together as a team. Appreciate each other. Listen and encourage one another. Share each others burdens. Acknowledge each other and not use one another for personal gain. Live with grace and mercy extended to those you are living life with, all while challenging each other.
Balance.
It is a concept I cannot escape. It is a concept that cannot be separated from who I am as a person. A concept I have never wanted to disconnect from or try to "weed" out of my personality….I loved it and it defined my world. Relational. Connected. Community driven & encouraged.
How do you define community?
A couple of weeks ago we were out to dinner with some good friends and church community was pretty much the topic of discussion for most of the night. The need by all of us to connect somewhere with someone, to be a part of a larger group of people we call home. To live life next to and share our lives with. There was a sense of how important this is in our lives.
There seemed to, at times, be an absence of opportunity to authenticaly connect to a body of believers throughout our lives. We tried to figure out why. (Not necessarily the absence of Christian friends because we all have those but more specifically a coming together each week to live life out together…connected more than the occasional dinner or coffee to catch up).
Maybe it is because we are all way to busy, over worked, over extended and stressed out to stop and take time to be involved in one another's lives. Maybe it's because somewhere along the line we had been hurt causing us to pull back from any community. No matter what the reasons were or are, I am sure that is not how God intended us to live….
Alone.
The very nature of God is relational. He is the Trinity. At His very core He is relationship driven and invites us to be the same with Him and with other believers.
Connecting with a community of believers takes some time and effort but the invested time does provide a return…community develops shared experiences while rejoicing with one another and carrying each other's burdens. A very Biblical principle.
Whenever people find it is easier to connect to their work, neighborhoods and non Christian friends, there is a problem. A real problem.
We are suppose to be surrounding ourselves with people where iron sharpens iron instead surrounding ourselves with groups where bad company is jeopardizing good character. Yet, so many churches are so often set up as great places to come on a Sunday morning but do not go beyond that to connect people past Sunday.
They are not challenged to live life together. Sunday becomes a cheerleading service but by Monday morning the lack luster of the pep rally has worn off leaving people to fight the faith alone or worse, not fight at all but rather drag themselves through the week disconnected from any other believer who can encourage, love and walk alongside them.
How do you define community?
I look back on difficult times in my own life and church community experiences both positive and negative have formed my outlook on what Church community should and should not look like. Now, those experiences in a huge way, motivate me to never let someone grieve or go through difficulties alone ever again if it is at all possible by me. I choose to continue to pursue a community of believers willing to live life out together and share in the ups and downs and encourage other Christians to do the same.
If you are a Christian but do not have community of believers you live life out with there is simply put, something pretty big and important missing in your life…. opportunities to share life with other Christians.
So many of us all asking the same question. How can I connect to a community of believers?
Maybe the owness falls on us. How do you connect though when you are not given opportunity? When the world offers a better opportunity to fit in their community than the Church does has become a problem. I grew up knowing what a church community or group of believers living life together should look like. It is what I pursue. It is what I was trying to do with Inspire…..connect lives. It is what I will continue to do for my entire life. Connect people.
How do you define community? Webster defines it as this...
Community defined: A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, goals and faith.
If you feel like you are missing this in your life, I want you to know that is not how God intended your Christian life to look. He does not want you to feel alone with no one involved in your life. He wants you to be connected to a community of believers!
Community.
I grew up in a small town further north. Came from a good family where family values and strong communication were always encouraged and expected. I grew up in a small church where everyone knew my name. I liked knowing that I was known and that my family was known. Actually, the whole town knew everyones name. Yes, kind of like that song.
How do you define community?
Connection and community were engrained into every fiber of who I (was) and am as a person. It was taught by example from very early on and expected unconditionally to be lived out and shared.
How do you define community?
It is the filter or lens I look through to see the world around me. It is how I view parenting, marriage, friendships, the Church and anything else I encounter involving people. It's how I view working relationships and serving or volunteering endeavors. To work together as a team. Appreciate each other. Listen and encourage one another. Share each others burdens. Acknowledge each other and not use one another for personal gain. Live with grace and mercy extended to those you are living life with, all while challenging each other.
Balance.
It is a concept I cannot escape. It is a concept that cannot be separated from who I am as a person. A concept I have never wanted to disconnect from or try to "weed" out of my personality….I loved it and it defined my world. Relational. Connected. Community driven & encouraged.
How do you define community?
A couple of weeks ago we were out to dinner with some good friends and church community was pretty much the topic of discussion for most of the night. The need by all of us to connect somewhere with someone, to be a part of a larger group of people we call home. To live life next to and share our lives with. There was a sense of how important this is in our lives.
There seemed to, at times, be an absence of opportunity to authenticaly connect to a body of believers throughout our lives. We tried to figure out why. (Not necessarily the absence of Christian friends because we all have those but more specifically a coming together each week to live life out together…connected more than the occasional dinner or coffee to catch up).
Maybe it is because we are all way to busy, over worked, over extended and stressed out to stop and take time to be involved in one another's lives. Maybe it's because somewhere along the line we had been hurt causing us to pull back from any community. No matter what the reasons were or are, I am sure that is not how God intended us to live….
Alone.
The very nature of God is relational. He is the Trinity. At His very core He is relationship driven and invites us to be the same with Him and with other believers.
Connecting with a community of believers takes some time and effort but the invested time does provide a return…community develops shared experiences while rejoicing with one another and carrying each other's burdens. A very Biblical principle.
Whenever people find it is easier to connect to their work, neighborhoods and non Christian friends, there is a problem. A real problem.
We are suppose to be surrounding ourselves with people where iron sharpens iron instead surrounding ourselves with groups where bad company is jeopardizing good character. Yet, so many churches are so often set up as great places to come on a Sunday morning but do not go beyond that to connect people past Sunday.
They are not challenged to live life together. Sunday becomes a cheerleading service but by Monday morning the lack luster of the pep rally has worn off leaving people to fight the faith alone or worse, not fight at all but rather drag themselves through the week disconnected from any other believer who can encourage, love and walk alongside them.
How do you define community?
I look back on difficult times in my own life and church community experiences both positive and negative have formed my outlook on what Church community should and should not look like. Now, those experiences in a huge way, motivate me to never let someone grieve or go through difficulties alone ever again if it is at all possible by me. I choose to continue to pursue a community of believers willing to live life out together and share in the ups and downs and encourage other Christians to do the same.
If you are a Christian but do not have community of believers you live life out with there is simply put, something pretty big and important missing in your life…. opportunities to share life with other Christians.
So many of us all asking the same question. How can I connect to a community of believers?
Maybe the owness falls on us. How do you connect though when you are not given opportunity? When the world offers a better opportunity to fit in their community than the Church does has become a problem. I grew up knowing what a church community or group of believers living life together should look like. It is what I pursue. It is what I was trying to do with Inspire…..connect lives. It is what I will continue to do for my entire life. Connect people.
How do you define community? Webster defines it as this...
Community defined: A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, goals and faith.
If you feel like you are missing this in your life, I want you to know that is not how God intended your Christian life to look. He does not want you to feel alone with no one involved in your life. He wants you to be connected to a community of believers!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Black & White & Gray All Over - Teens
My husband and I have 3 daughters 14, almost 12 and 10 years old. A house full of tweens and a teen have left us asking ourselves a few questions lately. How do we raise them in this age of technology when everywhere they turn they are getting inundated with some request for a social media site, endless available apps, movies and music. The long list of things to check on and watch for goes on and on.
Of course everyone has opinions of what to do and what not to do when your kids reach this age. Depending on the setting you hear anywhere from Instagram is alright but not FB, FB is alright but not twitter, I let me kids listen to Justin Beiber he's alright because (fill in the blank), or I let my kids watch Hunger Games because they know it's fake it's not real killing, Twilight is simple romance or they watched Harry Potter because everything is Disney magic anyways, monster high dolls are just dolls like Barbies, of course boy/girl parties are alright at 14 because I've taught them not to bad stuff (whatever line they have arbitrarily set & told themselves the bad stuff is). The lines and rules can make you dizzy with decisions.
I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:23 "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive."
I could write a ton of what my own convictions are or speak from some of my soap boxes but why? I mean, really, they are just that my opinions. Rather, around my house these days I keep directing my girls to the Word of God which is always correct and always perfect. Never a word misspoken…just Truth. My opinions are just that, my opinions.
When faced today with a crazy insane amount of choices thrown our way as parents. Every day we are faced with questions from our kids for a new social media site to connect to, or an new app, a new song, a new book or movie. There are so many lines, we as parents, are left asking ourselves if that is a black or white answer or is that a gray zone. Lately, when we we are asked if they can do something I have turned it around and now ask them a question. Is what you are asking us to do permissible or beneficial?
Not in a legalistic sense. Simply from a heart perspective on what will benefit them and not hold them back or make them stumble in an area.
The heart is the wellspring of life and we are to guard it. We know that out of the heart the mouth speaks….so those are truths we have learned from the beginning. To follow that line of thinking out, whatever we are putting in our hearts will come back out….eventually and inevitably.
While, you can do all the gray areas that are permissible in your life I leave them with the question…will it benefit your life? And if yes, how?
We are teaching them at this age to ask God for themselves what He has for their lives. Like I said, my oldest is 14. I have 4 years left before she goes away to college and will be making so many of her decisions on her own. I want her and and my other 2 girls to learn the voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to them on their own. To know right and wrong and to discern what is alright to put in their hearts and what is not. To decipher the difference between things that are permissible and you can get away with and the things that are beneficial. I know a few adults that could benefit from learning this lesson, too. It would save them a world of hurt and addiction.
As you are parenting your tweens and teens today, take a moment and ask yourself that same question for your own life. Is this that I am about to watch, listen to or do simply permissible or will it be beneficial in my own walk with God and then teach your kids that same concept. Give yourselves and your kids a Biblical gauge to remember when making choices.
Permissible or beneficial? Your choice.
***As a side note, if you've said yes to anything especially social media continue asking them questions, check up on their accounts to see what is going on. Always be involved and connected…don't be oblivious to what is going on under your own roof. Keep them safe and never be afraid of shutting down an account or deciding to change your mind and say no if you see a potential danger…it is your right and responsibility as a parent***
I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:23 "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive."
I could write a ton of what my own convictions are or speak from some of my soap boxes but why? I mean, really, they are just that my opinions. Rather, around my house these days I keep directing my girls to the Word of God which is always correct and always perfect. Never a word misspoken…just Truth. My opinions are just that, my opinions.
When faced today with a crazy insane amount of choices thrown our way as parents. Every day we are faced with questions from our kids for a new social media site to connect to, or an new app, a new song, a new book or movie. There are so many lines, we as parents, are left asking ourselves if that is a black or white answer or is that a gray zone. Lately, when we we are asked if they can do something I have turned it around and now ask them a question. Is what you are asking us to do permissible or beneficial?
Not in a legalistic sense. Simply from a heart perspective on what will benefit them and not hold them back or make them stumble in an area.
The heart is the wellspring of life and we are to guard it. We know that out of the heart the mouth speaks….so those are truths we have learned from the beginning. To follow that line of thinking out, whatever we are putting in our hearts will come back out….eventually and inevitably.
While, you can do all the gray areas that are permissible in your life I leave them with the question…will it benefit your life? And if yes, how?
We are teaching them at this age to ask God for themselves what He has for their lives. Like I said, my oldest is 14. I have 4 years left before she goes away to college and will be making so many of her decisions on her own. I want her and and my other 2 girls to learn the voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to them on their own. To know right and wrong and to discern what is alright to put in their hearts and what is not. To decipher the difference between things that are permissible and you can get away with and the things that are beneficial. I know a few adults that could benefit from learning this lesson, too. It would save them a world of hurt and addiction.
As you are parenting your tweens and teens today, take a moment and ask yourself that same question for your own life. Is this that I am about to watch, listen to or do simply permissible or will it be beneficial in my own walk with God and then teach your kids that same concept. Give yourselves and your kids a Biblical gauge to remember when making choices.
Permissible or beneficial? Your choice.
***As a side note, if you've said yes to anything especially social media continue asking them questions, check up on their accounts to see what is going on. Always be involved and connected…don't be oblivious to what is going on under your own roof. Keep them safe and never be afraid of shutting down an account or deciding to change your mind and say no if you see a potential danger…it is your right and responsibility as a parent***
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