Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
This verse was given to me a few years back smack dab in the middle of my chaotic grief-filled life. My heart was silenced at the power of those words. I knew at that moment that I may not have had all the reasons as to why my dad died but I did have the purpose I was to take up after the grief had lifted.
This morning I sit here, saddened by the fact that, yet, another one of my friends have begun their journey in grief this past weekend. She lost her daddy. My heart broke as I spoke with her. It broke because of the pain in her voice that I was all to familiar with, it broke because I know the journey she is now on but did not choose to take and it broke because, in an instant, I could put myself back to that very second I lost my daddy, and the pain that was indescribable yet so very tangible.
I vowed to myself the moment I received that Bible verse several years ago that I would be the one that did exactly what that verse said to do. Quite
honestly people failed miserably (other than a very small few) but God
did not fail me. Ever. His comfort and Words were perfect. He comforted me so I could comfort somebody else. I will share that concept for the rest of my life.
Time & grief have passed. The God of all comfort comforted me so that my heart would be opened to show that same comfort I received to anyone I get the opportunity to talk to. I realize now that often times people who have not gone through that pain do not know what to say or do....and that is alright. However, because I have been comforted, I want to show comfort. It is only God that can truly heal a broken heart. My prayer is simply that He would use me as a catalyst to share even just a small fraction of that comfort with a friend. God will take it from there and heal. It is only God that can bring peace to a broken heart. It is only God that can restore and mend. I just get to point my friends to Him.
Today my friend begins her journey and my heart hurts for her but I know that the God of all comfort will comfort her just like He comforted me and anyone else that begins this unexpected journey.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Lessons from the Life of David - Worship is More than a Song.
As I've been studying the life of David, I think the thing that has stood out to me the most was that he was a worshiper and a warrior. That would seem like a disconnect to most but when you begin to study his life you realize those two things were very much interwoven into the fabric of his personality and calling. Even during the times he wasn't playing his harp but rather fighting instead, he was still writing songs (psalms). His heart for worship defined his life even during the times of battle. As worshipers we, too, are fighting battles in worship. Battles are fought and won while worshiping God. That time spent with God (whether in a corporate or personal time) bears a lot of weight to Him and accomplishes so much. Through worship God can bring healing, peace, joy, breakthrough and answers. He calls us to worship Him so many times throughout His Word. When we are sad. We are to worship. When we are happy. We worship. When we are afraid. Worship. There are battles fought and won and in His presence. So, we are worshipers and warriors too.
God has always spoken to me through songs and I hope He always will. A couple of years ago I stepped away from leading worship not knowing if I would ever do it again. It felt like another sort of death. When I stepped down, quite honestly I was heartbroken for many many months over that decision I needed to make. Eventually I stopped crying about it and started asking God why I needed to lay that down. I took a year and pulled back from everyone to seek God, clear my head and focused on Him.
Throughout the last couple of years my prayer has been constantly that I would learn how to trust Him and worship Him when nobody saw me up front leading worship. I wanted to know how to worship Him even when I didn't have a microphone in front of me or even when singing wasn't public.
As I have been studying the life of David I began to see David's heart for worship written in the pages throughout each season of his life. There was a long time between when he was anointed & promised to be king and actually taking his seat as king and yet, through it all, he was worshiping and writing songs and had a heart after God in every season.
My sister sent me this song Clear the Stage a while back and it honestly seems as though this man wrote the last couple years of my life in a song. Go ahead & listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6smGew7dGto
There is a line in the song that says "You can sing all you want to and still get it wrong because worship is more than a song. We must not worship something that is not even worth it. Clear the stage for the one that deserves it. Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I want more than God is an idol." That means anything.
The are times you need to take a step back and check that your heart is doing something for the right reasons. You can, at times, become so consumed by doing something really awesome that you lose sight of who you are doing it for. When the singing, music, performing, working, parenting, leading ministries (or whatever you are doing) takes the place of God you need to stop and evaluate some things. Albeit great things but if it takes the place of God than it is an idol. Doing things for God is not necessarily what worship is.
In the last couple of years God has spoken to me about what worship really is. Worship is not necessarily music. Worship is not always the song or the lights, or the people. It isn't your calling or the show or even the feeling. Worship is something you do with your life. It is giving everything you are to everything He is because He is worthy of all our worship. I still have an undeniable passion for worship and the music and I have started singing again but I know that the object of this passion is not the music but for God whether I am singing it or living it....worshiping God should be a lifestyle not a song set.
It is laying anything and everything down so He gets the glory in every area of life. It is a heart resting and trusting in His goodness and faithfulness. It is a heart pursuing Him and walking in your gifts and callings because He is good not because you are good.
Do you have something in your life that is your calling or passion & seems like this amazing thing but tends to consume you and has become your idol? Pray like David "Create in my a clean heart, oh God. Renew a right spirit within in me". David knew he was anointed to be king very early in life but his journey was long before he took that place. In all his ups and downs, failures and victories, David continued to live a life given to worship and sought the Lord for direction constantly. He was a man after God's own heart in everything he did and sang about in his life.
We are to worship God at all times and in all things with our lives not just our songs. Even if that means we do not have a microphone in front of us. I would actually argue that we can worship Him best when there are no microphones in front of us, no audience, no show. Just you, Him and your heart & life given to God in complete surrender and worship. That is a life of worship.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Lesson's from David's Life - Free from Control
Ok, so if you have been in the church any longer than a second then you know the next story by heart (or at least can paraphrase it).
1 Samuel 24. Saul has been searching for David to kill him. Saul finds himself in a cave relieving himself not realizing that David was even further back in the cave. David does not seize the opportunity to kill Saul but instead cuts off a corner of his cloak. Later walks outside to tell Saul, hey, just so you know I could have killed you in that cave but I didn't…and here is proof with a piece of your cloak. David, in doing the right thing by not killing him, caused Saul to have great remorse (for the moment) and asked that God would bless David greatly. David couldn't control Saul's feelings rather David's actions set the stage for Saul to feel that remorse. Saul had to choose that for himself (and honestly David risked Saul not responding positively but choose not to kill him anyway).
I am the oldest of 3 girls with one of my sisters having a learning disability. My entire childhood I heard, Amy, take care of your sisters, make sure Lisa is alright, watch out for her, make sure nobody teases her, make sure she gets on the bus. Watch that Sara crosses the road to Victoria's alright. Call her home, start the bath for her when she was a toddler (she is 6 years younger than me), feed them, get the bandaids and take care of her scrape…on and on it goes. I loved being in charge.
Now married with 3 of my own girls. As a mom it is engrained to make sure you take care of everything for your young kids until they can do it on their own. I could write down that very long to do list on caring for them but I do not have enough space….you get the idea. After my dad died I felt this innate responsibility as the oldest to take care of things and make sure everything was alright (now looking back I have to laugh at the ridiculous thought of trying to make death alright). Control.
As the oldest it is often your responsibility growing up to be in control of any and all the situations. It is engrained in you from your earliest memories to make sure everything is alright. Your parents call on you to take care of your siblings. Parenting, for a first born, is a natural transition because you still get to be bossy and control people and stuff. Then you begin to realize you take that into every situation you come into contact with. Your natural bent is to control and take care of situations (which, in and of itself, can be very helpful because you are deemed trustworthy and able to be counted on) but there comes a point that you realize that you are not in control of everyone else's outcomes and life. You cannot control their actions like you were raised to think you could.
At that point you have a decision to make. You can decide to get frustrated that people are not doing it like you want them to or you can let it go and realize that everyone has their own responsibility to make their own choices and decisions. Freeing really, when the reality that you are not responsible for anybody's choices, decisions and outcomes..only God is. Obviously, you can still help, give advice and opinions and work with people but ultimately people will have to make their own choices for their own lives and you cannot do that for them.
Here Saul is hunting David down to kill him and when given the opportunity to seize the day and take out his opponent, David doesn't go for it. He is only responsible for himself and not how Saul is responding. David is not responsible for Saul's irrational drive to kill him. David cannot control what Saul does or tries to do. When given the chance to kill Saul, David knew he couldn't control Saul's emotions and response. He could only control his and that is what he did. He choose to forgo the opportunity to kill the king even though he had the chance. He knew he was only responsible for what he did and not responsible for what Saul was going to do.
Liberating really when you think of it. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions…neither good or bad. When you spend your whole life making sure everyone is alright you begin to feel like it is your responsibility to make everyone's circumstance work out when in all actuality, God is responsible for outcomes and people are responsible for their own actions. It is not your job to get people to do what you think they should. You are only responsible for your life and choices and let God deal with everyone else.
1 Samuel 24. Saul has been searching for David to kill him. Saul finds himself in a cave relieving himself not realizing that David was even further back in the cave. David does not seize the opportunity to kill Saul but instead cuts off a corner of his cloak. Later walks outside to tell Saul, hey, just so you know I could have killed you in that cave but I didn't…and here is proof with a piece of your cloak. David, in doing the right thing by not killing him, caused Saul to have great remorse (for the moment) and asked that God would bless David greatly. David couldn't control Saul's feelings rather David's actions set the stage for Saul to feel that remorse. Saul had to choose that for himself (and honestly David risked Saul not responding positively but choose not to kill him anyway).
I am the oldest of 3 girls with one of my sisters having a learning disability. My entire childhood I heard, Amy, take care of your sisters, make sure Lisa is alright, watch out for her, make sure nobody teases her, make sure she gets on the bus. Watch that Sara crosses the road to Victoria's alright. Call her home, start the bath for her when she was a toddler (she is 6 years younger than me), feed them, get the bandaids and take care of her scrape…on and on it goes. I loved being in charge.
Now married with 3 of my own girls. As a mom it is engrained to make sure you take care of everything for your young kids until they can do it on their own. I could write down that very long to do list on caring for them but I do not have enough space….you get the idea. After my dad died I felt this innate responsibility as the oldest to take care of things and make sure everything was alright (now looking back I have to laugh at the ridiculous thought of trying to make death alright). Control.
As the oldest it is often your responsibility growing up to be in control of any and all the situations. It is engrained in you from your earliest memories to make sure everything is alright. Your parents call on you to take care of your siblings. Parenting, for a first born, is a natural transition because you still get to be bossy and control people and stuff. Then you begin to realize you take that into every situation you come into contact with. Your natural bent is to control and take care of situations (which, in and of itself, can be very helpful because you are deemed trustworthy and able to be counted on) but there comes a point that you realize that you are not in control of everyone else's outcomes and life. You cannot control their actions like you were raised to think you could.
At that point you have a decision to make. You can decide to get frustrated that people are not doing it like you want them to or you can let it go and realize that everyone has their own responsibility to make their own choices and decisions. Freeing really, when the reality that you are not responsible for anybody's choices, decisions and outcomes..only God is. Obviously, you can still help, give advice and opinions and work with people but ultimately people will have to make their own choices for their own lives and you cannot do that for them.
Here Saul is hunting David down to kill him and when given the opportunity to seize the day and take out his opponent, David doesn't go for it. He is only responsible for himself and not how Saul is responding. David is not responsible for Saul's irrational drive to kill him. David cannot control what Saul does or tries to do. When given the chance to kill Saul, David knew he couldn't control Saul's emotions and response. He could only control his and that is what he did. He choose to forgo the opportunity to kill the king even though he had the chance. He knew he was only responsible for what he did and not responsible for what Saul was going to do.
Liberating really when you think of it. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions…neither good or bad. When you spend your whole life making sure everyone is alright you begin to feel like it is your responsibility to make everyone's circumstance work out when in all actuality, God is responsible for outcomes and people are responsible for their own actions. It is not your job to get people to do what you think they should. You are only responsible for your life and choices and let God deal with everyone else.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Lessons From David's life - Trust, Gossip & Reactions
This year I have been focusing on the life of David. Not necessarily by choice but honestly because his story has came up everywhere I turn for the last couple of months. I finally have caught on that God is speaking to me this year through David's life. As I learn a few things I will share them as I go along….mostly short blogs to journal what I am learning (so I'm not sure how much it will help anyone as much as it helps me but still feel like I want to share).
Among several things I've learned so far (I will blog those later) the thing that stuck out to me today is in 1 Samuel 22:22 "Then David said to Abiathar, That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul…. (stop, he knew Doeg was going to tell Saul but talked anyways)…. I am responsible for the death of your whole family." Saul had Doeg the Edomite, (because he was so mad at what Doeg had told him about David earlier in that chapter), kill 85 priests, the town of the priests with its men & women, children and infants and its cattle, donkeys and sheep.
Now, I am not a Bible scholar but it seems as though David feels responsible for all these deaths because of what was said in front of Doeg the Edomite and then Doeg went and told Saul which in turn really angered Saul and he then reacted by killing all these priests (let's be honest though…Saul was a ticking time bomb and really didn't need a valid reason to kill anyone…he had some serious anger & jealousy issues & so seized the opportunity to kill with information given to him. Nonetheless, David felt responsible).
Ok. Quick lesson learned? I do not like girl drama or gossip…never have, never will. Because of that fact I generally am very cautious on who I trust. I was raised to not listen or react to gossip or drama. I am married to a man who can see those types of girls from miles away and will quickly let me know when he spots those traits in anyone. With that being said, I am very intentional about not joining in or adding to those types of conversations and do not make close friendships with them ever. Mainly because I figure if someone is talking to me about somebody else than chances are I'm not that special…they are talking to someone else about me and therefore cannot be trusted so I make a note in mind to never share anything personal with them. Sometimes, however, I make mistakes.
My caveat to the story...I had a friend last year tell me that year 3 in loss was going to be the hardest. I remember thinking…no I don't buy that. I was really hoping that statement wasn't true. Now looking back, I think my guard was down in a few areas because, yes, year 3, I really still was inadvertently working through loss stuff & because I was focused on that I was unable to discern some other things (which I could & will write a blog about how the enemy will really try to distract and ruin you in your weakest times…he truly works overtime during the times you are down the most). Don't let him get a foothold!
Anyways, with that being said, I had an acquaintance who I've only known a few years tell me something about a big situation that was not hers to talk about (and that I, quite honestly, did not even want to be a part of). When she told me the "facts' it didn't seem true at the time and I should have ignored what she said but I was so focused on other areas of my life that I didn't have the time or emotional energy to discern that what she was telling me was untrue...not excusing my behavior, just giving a fact now that I can look back with clarity. I let my guard down, believed her lie that was simply stirring the pot and when I normally walk away from those times, instead, I joined in and added my very unnecessary two cents….it spiraled…I thought I was angry (now I realize I was probably more hurt than angry at the thought of not being included in something ironically enough, I didn't want to be included in to begin with). I still allowed this girls words to stir me up, not think clearly and then over reacted to information that I learned later was false after the damage I did was done. Embarrassing to even admit in a blog but maybe my lesson learned will help somebody else.
I impulsively reacted to gossip and, in turn, really yelled and got mad at someone who did not deserve it! I have never ever in all my life stooped down to a level where I just lost it, yelled at someone and had no filter and said things that were beyond hurtful (all because Doeg the Edomite came and told me about a situation that was not hers to talk about). I have consistently in life made decisions to walk away from things and not let somebody else's foolish words stir me up enough to hurt somebody else like that ever…but I messed up.
After I read that section in 1 Samuel this morning, God quietly spoke to my heart about that situation that I had forgotten details of & have moved past from with lessons learned….but this morning I can see mistakes made last year here on the pages of Samuel. I have sent a card and texts saying sorry. I have asked for forgiveness but still my heart hurts because I hate how I got caught up in foolish gossip listening to untrue comments & reacted by hurting someone else.
Now obviously, unlike Saul, there were not priests or women or children killed but words are so powerful and can give life or death. I am such a huge proponent on how our words affect people and the enemy used what I always preached, against me and I sadly fell for it.
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that I let my guard down and listened to somebody like Doeg the Edomite and I reacted, in turn, like Saul I choose to hurt instead of walk away and not react. I know maybe this is a stretch but that is the lesson I am taking away from this chapter.
When somebody comes and tells you something they heard that is gossip and seems wrong, don't listen, don't react. Better yet stop them if it is gossip and information that does not belong to you. Walk away. You never want to react and "kill' someone with words because you foolishly let your guard down long enough to entertain the rants of a gossip only to be responsible for "killing some priests" with your reaction.
I learned that lesson last year…but here I see how God's word speaks to us and confirms the way we are to live and not live in so many ways. Just listen (unless it is a gossip…than don't listen and just walk away…it can save a life).
"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
"Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down" Proverbs 26:20
Among several things I've learned so far (I will blog those later) the thing that stuck out to me today is in 1 Samuel 22:22 "Then David said to Abiathar, That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul…. (stop, he knew Doeg was going to tell Saul but talked anyways)…. I am responsible for the death of your whole family." Saul had Doeg the Edomite, (because he was so mad at what Doeg had told him about David earlier in that chapter), kill 85 priests, the town of the priests with its men & women, children and infants and its cattle, donkeys and sheep.
Now, I am not a Bible scholar but it seems as though David feels responsible for all these deaths because of what was said in front of Doeg the Edomite and then Doeg went and told Saul which in turn really angered Saul and he then reacted by killing all these priests (let's be honest though…Saul was a ticking time bomb and really didn't need a valid reason to kill anyone…he had some serious anger & jealousy issues & so seized the opportunity to kill with information given to him. Nonetheless, David felt responsible).
Ok. Quick lesson learned? I do not like girl drama or gossip…never have, never will. Because of that fact I generally am very cautious on who I trust. I was raised to not listen or react to gossip or drama. I am married to a man who can see those types of girls from miles away and will quickly let me know when he spots those traits in anyone. With that being said, I am very intentional about not joining in or adding to those types of conversations and do not make close friendships with them ever. Mainly because I figure if someone is talking to me about somebody else than chances are I'm not that special…they are talking to someone else about me and therefore cannot be trusted so I make a note in mind to never share anything personal with them. Sometimes, however, I make mistakes.
My caveat to the story...I had a friend last year tell me that year 3 in loss was going to be the hardest. I remember thinking…no I don't buy that. I was really hoping that statement wasn't true. Now looking back, I think my guard was down in a few areas because, yes, year 3, I really still was inadvertently working through loss stuff & because I was focused on that I was unable to discern some other things (which I could & will write a blog about how the enemy will really try to distract and ruin you in your weakest times…he truly works overtime during the times you are down the most). Don't let him get a foothold!
Anyways, with that being said, I had an acquaintance who I've only known a few years tell me something about a big situation that was not hers to talk about (and that I, quite honestly, did not even want to be a part of). When she told me the "facts' it didn't seem true at the time and I should have ignored what she said but I was so focused on other areas of my life that I didn't have the time or emotional energy to discern that what she was telling me was untrue...not excusing my behavior, just giving a fact now that I can look back with clarity. I let my guard down, believed her lie that was simply stirring the pot and when I normally walk away from those times, instead, I joined in and added my very unnecessary two cents….it spiraled…I thought I was angry (now I realize I was probably more hurt than angry at the thought of not being included in something ironically enough, I didn't want to be included in to begin with). I still allowed this girls words to stir me up, not think clearly and then over reacted to information that I learned later was false after the damage I did was done. Embarrassing to even admit in a blog but maybe my lesson learned will help somebody else.
I impulsively reacted to gossip and, in turn, really yelled and got mad at someone who did not deserve it! I have never ever in all my life stooped down to a level where I just lost it, yelled at someone and had no filter and said things that were beyond hurtful (all because Doeg the Edomite came and told me about a situation that was not hers to talk about). I have consistently in life made decisions to walk away from things and not let somebody else's foolish words stir me up enough to hurt somebody else like that ever…but I messed up.
After I read that section in 1 Samuel this morning, God quietly spoke to my heart about that situation that I had forgotten details of & have moved past from with lessons learned….but this morning I can see mistakes made last year here on the pages of Samuel. I have sent a card and texts saying sorry. I have asked for forgiveness but still my heart hurts because I hate how I got caught up in foolish gossip listening to untrue comments & reacted by hurting someone else.
Now obviously, unlike Saul, there were not priests or women or children killed but words are so powerful and can give life or death. I am such a huge proponent on how our words affect people and the enemy used what I always preached, against me and I sadly fell for it.
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that I let my guard down and listened to somebody like Doeg the Edomite and I reacted, in turn, like Saul I choose to hurt instead of walk away and not react. I know maybe this is a stretch but that is the lesson I am taking away from this chapter.
When somebody comes and tells you something they heard that is gossip and seems wrong, don't listen, don't react. Better yet stop them if it is gossip and information that does not belong to you. Walk away. You never want to react and "kill' someone with words because you foolishly let your guard down long enough to entertain the rants of a gossip only to be responsible for "killing some priests" with your reaction.
I learned that lesson last year…but here I see how God's word speaks to us and confirms the way we are to live and not live in so many ways. Just listen (unless it is a gossip…than don't listen and just walk away…it can save a life).
"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
"Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down" Proverbs 26:20
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)