I remember being a teenager always looking forward to the busy month of May because I thought it was fun....well, now as I have become a mom my excitement for this busy month has waned. I sat at my island last night staring at my schedule wondering how in the world I am going to complete everything on my to do list....tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at Jim and told him there was no way I was going to be able to get it all done!
This weekend was back to back events that I had no way out of...in fact, in an effort to get Brooke to not go to a Sunday afternoon bday party in Port Huron I tried to bribe her with $20 and she said no so I said $50? How about $50 to stay home so I could study for my mid term this week. Emma jumped at the chance and said take it...I quickly realized I was being irrational and said $50 was to much....but how about $20? You're laughing, I know, bad parenting at its finest, right? She didn't take it and yes I was desperate! I know I could have just told her no but all her friends were there and she really wanted to go and very rarely will beg me for anything so I knew she really wanted to be there.
So, as we went from event to event...birthday party to play practice to a field trip to my physical therapy...I kept thinking how am I going to study for this mid term....well I finally got time to study by Tuesday morning only to get the test back yesterday and got a 69% on it...69%!!! I have never in all of my life gotten that bad of a grade! So, last night I panicked and told Jim what if I can't pass this class...what if I can't get my degree...what if...what if...what if? I have a 50 page (not exaggerating) business plan and floor plan that is due in 4 weeks. Then I sat there as he was just looking at me and I was reminded that for months he was telling me to pull out of a couple of things that were time consuming because he knew these spring months were going to be crazy! I kept telling him no and that he was wrong and kept getting mad at him...until I had to check my heart and realize he wasn't telling me to slow down and focus my attention on a few things (instead of 100 different things) because he didn't want to see me doing something I enjoyed but rather he saw what was up ahead (the stress of a crazy month) and was saving me the heartache of being completely overwhelmed (instead minimally overwhelmed, which is where I am today).
So, I am so glad I listened to him so I can now focus on this semester (because clearly I need to...business law isn't my strong suit apparently! lol), Emma's play, and the next 5 weeks of our chaotic schedule! So, Jim you were right! I tend to drive myself so hard and say yes to everything until I hit a brick wall and can't go any further! He uses a little more wisdom and tries to stop me before I hit a wall....he is much better at pacing himself then I am!! Instead I just get mad at him and tell him I can do it all....when in all reality I needed to check my heart and realize (now) that he knew what he was talking about....and has seen me in this cycle before and loved me enough to say something (even though I'm kind of stubborn and it took a couple of months before I listened). Sometimes, I tend to be a little myopic in effort to check things off my to do list!
So, I'm sure I will pass the class, I just can't talk to anybody for the next 5 weeks....so please don't be offended when I don't return calls, texts, emails (you laugh, but it happened last week when somebody was offended when I didn't call back). I sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough if I can't accomplish it all but my life's lesson is that I'm not super woman and that it's alright if I can't do it all. There is not some nefarious reason as to why I pull back....just the reality that I simply cannot accomplish all that I've placed on my plate and that I need to prioritize correctly according to my husband and family. Still learning that....I think I can conquer the world when really all I'm asked to do is love my husband and girls the best way I know how and let everyone else worry about all the other stuff....and maybe, from time to time, admit that my husband knows what he's talking about.... ;) I love you James for loving me in my extreme times! And, with all that being said...I'm off to write an exciting 50 page business plan....
