Being Present in the Moment

It's been far too long since I have written a blog entry. Time flies when you're having fun? Or working or living or just keeping up. Time always seems to fly.  I have intended to write something many times over but just didn't have anything to say yet and life just happens to, well, fly. Have I mentioned that already?

The thing that has been most on my mind lately is being present in our lives. What happens when life gets too busy to keep up? What do you do when your life is ohhverwhelmed by your 'to do' lists? Do we forge ahead? Do we overlook having lunch with our mom or dad? Do we overlook all the belly laughs of our babies? Do we breeze past the opportunities to sit and listen to our teen tell us everything that happened at school that day....for the millionth time? Do we neglect a close friend or do we not stop to listen to our husband when he asks that we just sit next to him and relax or do we bypass all of those things in our lives because we take for granted that they will all be there tomorrow? Do we forfeit being present in their lives in order to cross off every item on our list so we can feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of our day?

After all, our lists and crossing the things off are what really matter most in life, right? Right? Have you been guilty of that, too? We run through the myriad of things to do in our minds so quickly that we lose focus on what really matters. Then we look around at other women and think how in the world are they doing it all? How am I not keeping up?

My husband and I went last month for 10 days to visit some of our dearest friends who are missionaries in Durban, South Africa to film their ministry and just hang out. Durban is AIDS capital of the world and that was a sobering thought as I was there. The whole trip was amazing and changed my perspective on life.  My prayer leading up to our trip and every single day of the trip (often multiple times throughout each day) was that God would allow me to be present in every moment of every day with every child and person I came into contact with. He was faithful to answer that prayer and I was able to embrace every moment I had there (that was no small feat for me).  I knew I would have to be extremely intentional in living present for that week because, if you know me well, then you know that staying still in a moment does not come natural for me.  I am one that loves to see the big picture of life and tends to run ahead quickly and eagerly to see and do it all but, in doing so, I sometimes miss the details of every day life because I'm so busy running ahead to get to it all done. I'm running and missing things in order to cross everything off my list.

When I came home I realized that my intentional prayer of living in the present while with those AIDS orphans could also translate in my own life here at home, in my kids lives, my husband's life and in the friendships around me that I hold close to my heart. As this last month has blown by I realized that I had (again) forgotten to stop and live in the moment as I said 'yes' to far too many things and quickly added them all to my 'to do' list. How can I forget how to be present in only a matter of a month? Life. Life happens and we hold on for the ride rushing around doing it all instead of realizing we can say no to a few things in order to be present in the things that really do matter.

How many times do we put off what really matters most in life in order to return an unimportant text, read a useless article that will never benefit any part of our lives, watch a tv show that maybe is a waste of our time, or take a call that we know can wait until tomorrow and in doing so, we forfeit time with our husband and kids? All in order to feel that sense of accomplishment of crossing off everything on our list only to find that tomorrow another long list of things to do awaits us again when we wake up.

I'm obviously not saying to shirk your responsibilities. I know we are all busy with our schedules, jobs and obligations. All I want to suggest to you is this...take a moment to breathe and enjoy life. Can it be that maybe we put too many things on our list that really don't need to be there?  I mean seriously there will always be more schedules, career ladders and laundry to do but you may not always have that toddler running through your house squealing play with me, mommy. Or you may not always have that teenager plop down on the couch next to you asking for advice on how to respond to that boy who just asked her for math advice but really was asking her out and used the math as an excuse, or maybe your husband may eventually get tired of asking you to sit down and watch a movie with him. You will, however, always have that list of chores, those work responsibilities and all this life stuff that will keep you so busy forging ahead that you may wake up one day to realize that you missed all those little moments of life in between the day you said 'I do' and that empty nest thing everyone talks about. For what? Laundry? A job promotion? An important position in a church ministry? (Yes, church stuff can take up time better spent with your husband and kids too if done out of proportion).

My all time favorite kids movie is Meet the Robertsons and there is a song in that movie called Little Wonders and it sings over and over again 'our lives are made in these small hours'. The weight of those words are profound. Our lives are made in the small intentional moments with our husbands and kids. It is reminder to be intentionally present in each one of your days...for your kids and for your husband. Don't let your busy life steal those small moments from you. It is hard to be intentionally present. Really, really hard when you have seemingly endless things on your list to cross off. However,  I am confident that you and I can take time from our crazy lives and take a few meaningless things off our lists of things to do to intentionally be present in the lives of those around us who we love the most.

What do you say? Down with the endless list of things to do and the dishes and laundry....go make some memories with your kids and husband! Let's be honest, they will make more laundry and dirty dishes for us tomorrow anyways, so we might as well enjoy our life before they grow up and don't want to hang out anymore because we've taught them that our lists are more important than their lives.

Let's be intentionally present today, together!

Grief & Friendship

A short blog....As I knew friends who were grieving this past wknd, I had one thought & one request to those others who have been fortunate enough to not yet have undergone the pain of grief through the death of a loved one.

 My request is simple to those of you unaffected by this personal type of grief...give those you know grieving, room. They really are overwhelmed and are not trying to hurt anyone else in their process of grief. Give them room to walk through this process and be understanding that their pain is not about you. Give them room & allow them to choose who they open up to and be alright if it's not you. It's truly not something they are doing to intentionally hurt you. They may share their pain with you, they may not. They may go inward. They may not. Grief looks different for every single person. They may instead find another who can relate to their indescribable pain more than you. That's alright, it's simply because they cannot even articulate (sometimes for years) their process of pain but rather just need someone who simply 'knows' what they are going through without explanation. 

Do not take up offense in this time. Try to be understanding & selfless in your friendship during this long season. They may choose a friend who has gone through similar pain. They may not be able to carry your burdens or complaints during this time like they did before their loss. They want to...but emotionally cannot find that extra energy to do so. 

Don't be offended if a friend can't handle your things for a season or can't open up to you during that time. It is not personal. I promise. They may not say sorry over and over again (nor should they have to say sorry for grieving or how they are doing it). They may forget to be present in your friendship during their grief because their grief was and is an overwhelming process that takes years to work through and more emotions than words can describe. Through that time friendships change. It's not fun but it is inevitable. Loss changes a person. 

Please do not be offended or hold a grudge when someone who has lost a loved one changes (they honestly wish they did not have to go through this awful process & they are aware of how they have changed..it may take years to come to terms with all the ways they've changed but they do see it) so allow them that time to work through it all. 

Don't be hurt if they are not capable of responding to you the way you need them to. Give them room. Their grief is all they can handle for that season. There might not be an apology because when a person grieves, the pain is so much to carry, a person often lets go of the trivial day to day things they were always able to keep up with only to cling to Jesus alone because they know it is Him alone that will carry them through it all. For anyone that has held an offense against someone who was grieving, your friend knows after many years go by who they have unintentionally hurt and it breaks their heart...however, grief was all they could handle at that time and your response to them shows your heart and the depth of your friendship or lack of depth your friendship has. That may determine the friendship going forward. Grief changes a person in a few hundred big ways and millions of little ways. Grief can be beyond their control. 

Don't hold the death of a loved one against your friend...one day you, too, will be walking in their shoes and you will need a friend to sit quietly next to you and simply say 'I know' and not expect one single thing more from you. This is it this month for my deep philosophical status.

Are You a Prisoner of Your Mind?

Have you ever felt like if you could only get away from your mind and your thoughts you would be alright? You're not alone. Scores of people find themselves wishing the same thing.

Ok, well maybe not everyone has this problem. For instance, my husband. When we first got married I remember asking him what he thought about when he sat down on the couch after a long day. He said nothing. Static. I think of nothing. I said nothing? Nothing goes through your mind? Nope. He told me he just shuts it all off. 

I remember thinking to myself that is hilarious because I seriously could make an entire two hour feature length film all up in my head in about 2.3 seconds! Maybe it was because I was creative or maybe it was because I was just nuts but seriously I would pay big money to have someone tell me how I can just shut my mind off.  Is there a switch somewhere? Is there a trick to it? I searched for years wondering how I could get all those thoughts I didn't want in my mind to just shut up! How can I shut them off? I'm not talking about crazy nefarious types of thoughts.  No, more just like crazy questions, scenarios or stories I could make up at the drop of a dime and then play them on loop over and over and over and....you get the point.

Maybe, you're like that too.  Maybe, your rogue thoughts are a bit deeper or maybe more destructive.  Maybe they are the thoughts of derogatory things people of said to you. Hurtful things that tore you apart but you never said they did but now they have taken root and they've played on loop so much in your mind that you believe them. Thoughts of inadequacy, incompetence, jealousy or fear. Maybe, they are lies and thoughts of suicide, affairs, bitterness and anger. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just stuff that takes up too much time wasted on useless things.  It's wasting energy. 

When I had my 3rd baby almost 12 years ago by way of c-section it did not go as planned and I ended up paralyzed for over 24 hours from my chest down. I had a serious staff infection and difficulties breathing with no explanations why. As I laid in the hospital my mind went into over drive with fear, panic and questions if I would ever walk again. I remember thinking I have to gain clarity on this. Panicking will only compound this. I remember saying outloud in the hospital bed. Stop. Stop thinking all these crazy thoughts even though my situation was ridiculous! I began to repeat over and over in my mind take every thought captive. Take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Over and over I said that out loud. Whatever is true, noble, excellent, trustworthy (Philippians 4:8)....these were scriptures I had hidden in my heart that now in crisis were becoming my life line to stop all the other lies and voices from being louder than Truth.

My paralysis eventually just stopped. I could walk again. Nobody could ever give an exact answer as to why I was paralyzed for a brief period but it did leave me with a bunch of irrational fears for about 2 years. Each time the fear would come I would quote scriptures to bring a peace to my mind and situation. Sometimes hundreds of times in a day. It became my habit. I wouldn't always get it right but I was learning how to get a hold of my crazy thoughts.

The crazy thing was and is that those thoughts don't stop coming just because I know how to control them. They still come. I still have moments where I know I have a choice to allow the 2 hour feature length movie of fearful thoughts unfold in my mind which would produce no good fruit or do I choose to trust God with my life and thoughts and think on things above not on earthly things?

Several years back, I went through something similar again when my dad died. Only the thoughts this time were even darker and more painful to walk through and were not fear based but potentially could have been destructive if not stopped.  The lesson I took from that valley of extreme thoughts is that there are times in life you not only need to take every thought captive and make it obedient to God you sometimes need to take yourself completely out of a situation that is perpetuating those thoughts.  Run. Flee. It does not matter if it makes sense to people around you. If God is telling you to leave a situation because it is harming you or your walk with Him and causing you to feel defeated, I think it is alright to walk away. Regain your composure. Take every thought and give them to God so He can bring restoration to your life.  

Be encouraged today that you do have a choice on what to think on. You are stronger than you think you are. Don't believe the lies on loop in your mind. Greater is He who is in you than He who is in the world. (1 John 4:4).

Refocus your thoughts on God and His Truth about you and your situation today.  It may not mean your situation will necessarily change but your perspective will and with a Godly perspective comes His peace which is so desperately lacking in the world we live in today. You can do it! If I could and can so can you! There is such a feeling of overcoming when you come through a season of intense depth and you know that you choose to think on God and His Word to carry you through it!

What is the definition of true beauty?

Here is an inspired clip on the definition of what true beauty, worth and value are.  I was asked to speak and inspire the women attending the Fashion for Freedom event hosted by Ashley Lorano's Party with a Purpose event highlighting the Michigan Abolitionist Project (MAP) and what they are doing to fight modern day slavery (human trafficking).

Be inspired! You are beautiful and have value!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWZeVk0oNas

February 8th - My Dad Knows Best

 
January and February are filled with many different emotions.  February 8th at 7:30pm marks the 5 year anniversary of that cold winter night my dad took his last breath here and entered into eternity.

5 years.  5 years without talking to him. 5 years without him making us all laugh at all the times we were 'suppose' to be serious. 5 years have passed and all 5 of his granddaughters have all grown 5 years older. 5 years without his advice, tough love and encouragement helping me through things when I would rather fall down and not move forward. 5 years of seeing the pain behind my moms smile because she lost the love of her life of 40 years. 5 years where my husband has had to go without the only father figure he ever had.

I could write a blog 50 pages long that would chronicle the million and one lessons learned from this loss, grief and even the purpose given to all of it but, instead, I am left with this reoccurring lesson that my dad taught me through his life and death and I will hold onto until the day I take my very last breath.

Time stops for nobody. It keeps moving forward so choose wisely what you do with it. That is the only choice we do have in regards to time. What we do with it & what we pour it into.

Our choice and solution to that question has something to do with people. Eternity will be filled with them. I am left with the understanding that, because the very nature of God is relational, then our life should model that, too, with an emphasis on building relationship with Him and with others. 

How we choose to spend our time here pouring into relationships with Him and building relationships with other people is really what time is all about. The 'how' is for you to figure out and seek God for but it should always be about investing your time into other people. 

Giving time to your kids even when you're tired and can't possibly answer one more 'why' question from your toddler or one more math question from you junior higher. It is time spent wiping away one more tear because of a broken little heart due to girl drama she didn't want to be in. It is time spent with your spouse even though you want to tell him he was loading the dishwasher wrong...again. Instead, you choose to see the big picture with a life spent with him building your future together, raising kids and choosing to enjoy the journey, chaos and all. It's about time spent helping friends, serving people, and giving back to those who need it. It's about helping those who have no hope, no voice, no direction or understanding of God's love and redemption. It's about offering that hope to everyone God puts in your path. It's investing our time into those people around us.

Time. Such a precious commodity. One that can't be taken back at the end of the day. There are no real life ground hogs day. No do over's. Live life with no regrets. Say I love you. Choose to say sorry over having to be right and win all the time.  Don't throw away a relationship because it didn't serve you well enough (excluding toxic relationships obviously). Believe the best in people and use your words to build up not tear down. 

People matter and spending your time on that will never be a waste.  You have the choice as to how you spend your time. Why not use it to invest in other lives? I promise the return on it is of eternal importance.

5 years later and that has been my greatest lesson learned from my dad and our loss. Time stops for no one and relationships will be the only thing we can bring into eternity so make every moment count by investing your time into building relationships.

When I take my last breath, like my dad did, and his final words to me were reaffirming how much he loved me...I want to know I spent my time wisely doing all the things that mattered most by loving and pouring into the lives around me all the while sharing who God was in the time given to me.

So, if you see me on or around February 8th, please understand this time of year I become reflective and may tear up a bit about the time my dad invested into my life and everyone else around me and how his life profoundly impacted me.  He choose to spend his time wisely in relationships all around and I chose to follow in his footsteps all the days of my life, too.  

Thanks, dad, for showing me that people and relationships matter most.  I miss you and I love you.  See you when I get home.

Amy Elizabeth