This year I have been focusing on the life of David. Not necessarily by choice but honestly because his story has came up everywhere I turn for the last couple of months. I finally have caught on that God is speaking to me this year through David's life. As I learn a few things I will share them as I go along….mostly short blogs to journal what I am learning (so I'm not sure how much it will help anyone as much as it helps me but still feel like I want to share).
Among several things I've learned so far (I will blog those later) the thing that stuck out to me today is in 1 Samuel 22:22 "Then David said to Abiathar, That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul…. (stop, he knew Doeg was going to tell Saul but talked anyways)…. I am responsible for the death of your whole family." Saul had Doeg the Edomite, (because he was so mad at what Doeg had told him about David earlier in that chapter), kill 85 priests, the town of the priests with its men & women, children and infants and its cattle, donkeys and sheep.
Now, I am not a Bible scholar but it seems as though David feels responsible for all these deaths because of what was said in front of Doeg the Edomite and then Doeg went and told Saul which in turn really angered Saul and he then reacted by killing all these priests (let's be honest though…Saul was a ticking time bomb and really didn't need a valid reason to kill anyone…he had some serious anger & jealousy issues & so seized the opportunity to kill with information given to him. Nonetheless, David felt responsible).
Ok. Quick lesson learned? I do not like girl drama or gossip…never have, never will. Because of that fact I generally am very cautious on who I trust. I was raised to not listen or react to gossip or drama. I am married to a man who can see those types of girls from miles away and will quickly let me know when he spots those traits in anyone. With that being said, I am very intentional about not joining in or adding to those types of conversations and do not make close friendships with them ever. Mainly because I figure if someone is talking to me about somebody else than chances are I'm not that special…they are talking to someone else about me and therefore cannot be trusted so I make a note in mind to never share anything personal with them. Sometimes, however, I make mistakes.
My caveat to the story...I had a friend last year tell me that year 3 in loss was going to be the hardest. I remember thinking…no I don't buy that. I was really hoping that statement wasn't true. Now looking back, I think my guard was down in a few areas because, yes, year 3, I really still was inadvertently working through loss stuff & because I was focused on that I was unable to discern some other things (which I could & will write a blog about how the enemy will really try to distract and ruin you in your weakest times…he truly works overtime during the times you are down the most). Don't let him get a foothold!
Anyways, with that being said, I had an acquaintance who I've only known a few years tell me something about a big situation that was not hers to talk about (and that I, quite honestly, did not even want to be a part of). When she told me the "facts' it didn't seem true at the time and I should have ignored what she said but I was so focused on other areas of my life that I didn't have the time or emotional energy to discern that what she was telling me was untrue...not excusing my behavior, just giving a fact now that I can look back with clarity. I let my guard down, believed her lie that was simply stirring the pot and when I normally walk away from those times, instead, I joined in and added my very unnecessary two cents….it spiraled…I thought I was angry (now I realize I was probably more hurt than angry at the thought of not being included in something ironically enough, I didn't want to be included in to begin with). I still allowed this girls words to stir me up, not think clearly and then over reacted to information that I learned later was false after the damage I did was done. Embarrassing to even admit in a blog but maybe my lesson learned will help somebody else.
I impulsively reacted to gossip and, in turn, really yelled and got mad at someone who did not deserve it! I have never ever in all my life stooped down to a level where I just lost it, yelled at someone and had no filter and said things that were beyond hurtful (all because Doeg the Edomite came and told me about a situation that was not hers to talk about). I have consistently in life made decisions to walk away from things and not let somebody else's foolish words stir me up enough to hurt somebody else like that ever…but I messed up.
After I read that section in 1 Samuel this morning, God quietly spoke to my heart about that situation that I had forgotten details of & have moved past from with lessons learned….but this morning I can see mistakes made last year here on the pages of Samuel. I have sent a card and texts saying sorry. I have asked for forgiveness but still my heart hurts because I hate how I got caught up in foolish gossip listening to untrue comments & reacted by hurting someone else.
Now obviously, unlike Saul, there were not priests or women or children killed but words are so powerful and can give life or death. I am such a huge proponent on how our words affect people and the enemy used what I always preached, against me and I sadly fell for it.
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that I let my guard down and listened to somebody like Doeg the Edomite and I reacted, in turn, like Saul I choose to hurt instead of walk away and not react. I know maybe this is a stretch but that is the lesson I am taking away from this chapter.
When somebody comes and tells you something they heard that is gossip and seems wrong, don't listen, don't react. Better yet stop them if it is gossip and information that does not belong to you. Walk away. You never want to react and "kill' someone with words because you foolishly let your guard down long enough to entertain the rants of a gossip only to be responsible for "killing some priests" with your reaction.
I learned that lesson last year…but here I see how God's word speaks to us and confirms the way we are to live and not live in so many ways. Just listen (unless it is a gossip…than don't listen and just walk away…it can save a life).
"A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." Proverbs 16:28
"Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down" Proverbs 26:20
