I was in line at the store the other day and I overheard a couple of ladies talking about their "friend's" post. They went on and on about how she is always bragging and had posted about going out with some other friends. Apparently these two talking about her were not invited but rather saw pictures of the girls night out posted and they were not happy about not being invited. They felt slighted even though, from the sounds of their convo, they seemed to dislike this chic but yet their jealousy over the event and not being invited was pretty clear.
I had to laugh a little and think of the ridiculous amount of times I have heard that same story from countless girls (from tweens, teens, young adults and beyond). Clearly, this crazy phenomenon of social media has enhanced so many of our social circles (can you denote my sarcastic tone)?
I thought of the endless and hopeless conversations I have had with girls over their sadness about similar situations....non invites to patio parties, GNO's, birthday parties, retirement parties, school parties on and on. The seeming torture of seeing pictures of events they weren't invited to by people they secretly didn't even like and "friends" they did not get to hang out with. So many people lament over this crazy thing we call social media for a million different reasons.
My question is simple. Are we really being that social and developing in depth relationships online? A place where you can embellish, exaggerate or flat out lie without many who can or will challenge you on it. Is this even healthy? Typing away behind the mask of the internet. No consequences. Just statements, parties and pictures. Making your world look picture perfect and dreamy. It is a junior higher’s worst nightmare and yet it goes well beyond pimples, glasses and braces. Ah, yes, now it goes well into adulthood...parties you weren't invited to, people you didn't get to hang out with, lives you wished you had, perfect lives and families paraded for all to see. Realty inflated. It is the equivalent of being held back in junior high for eternity!
A recent study I read in Huffington Post was challenging this exact concept as the article was talking about the negative consequence this online display is having on our youth (and I would add to that...our adults, too).
Clearly these couple of girls are not alone in their feelings over their 'friend' and her posts. Reading braggadocios posts about a fake perfect life or the most amazing life ever when, in all reality, you just got off the phone with your real life best friend or sister after crying about how horrible your marriage is, your friends are, or your family is but then you post how amazing everything is. Or in real life telling a friend how much you really do not like some person and list their flaws and next thing you know they are having a great conversation on a wall stating how much they love being friends. Or playing favorites with your friends by publicly praising one instead of the other....can't a private phone call or text let them know they are your favorite friend in the whole world instead of making that statement for all to see, leaving the other friends wondering why? It breeds insecurity for even the most secure girl. I think a new social media rule should be if you can't say the next postable statement to your closest friends and family without them laughing and telling you that is a flat out lie or gross exaggeration than you can't post it. Can that be the new rule?
There is an old adage moms used to say to us in junior high that I feel we, in this age of social media, have veered far from. If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all and that doesn't mean make up something good when it really isn't that good....just don't say anything.
Don't get me wrong. I love social media just as much as the next girl but what I absolutely hate is hearing how inadequate, unloved, hurt or angry it makes so many people. You could use the line of thinking that you are not responsible for how everyone else takes your posts and you are right. Your page. Your posts. True. I would argue, however, if you are posting with a vindictive, ulterior motive to 'get back' at someone, make them jealous or hurt someone passively aggressively, then just stop. Conversely, if it is truth and sincere then post away with all your thoughts, jokes, event PR, invites and pictures of your Pinterest dinners and I will too.
My husband has often said, Amy, your FB "friends" are mostly cyber friends who do not have a vested interest in your real life. Real life friends sit across the table from you with a cup of coffee, listen to you, cry over spilled milk with you, or rejoice over tiny milestones with you. They know the in's and out's of your personality and love you still the same. They don't talk to you often through FB instead they talk through face to face visits, phone calls and texts.
They are the ones, when they unexpectedly see you somewhere, they run up to you, hug your neck and start talking a hundred miles an hour to catch up (sometimes in Target, Sarah P. :) ), rather than duck away down an aisle in effort to not see you or have to talk to you. Cyber kind of friendships are generally superficial but are the first ones to get their panties in a bunch if they find out they have been unfriended by someone because, dear Lord, that would mean their number of 'friends' have gone down.
Real friends (vs cyber social media friends) are those who know your birthday without a cyber prompt or know when an important meeting is coming up even if you don't post about it, or they know that you have crazy week planned even though you never breathed a word of anything online, or simply the miles, states or countries need to be overcome by keeping in touch through social media (those friends are awesome too even though the miles keep you separate for most of the year).
They are the people who will spend hours laughing with you (or at you depending on the subject) or even more hours listening to your pain, hurt and disappointments and then cheering you on to press in and keep going. They go beyond the trite "praying" post in response to a real life problem...they take the time to actually pray because you are a friend who is so important to them that they couldn't imagine their world without you in it.
So, to all the girls (and maybe a guy or two) that has been hurt by social media, just take this one piece of advice.
Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.” ― Edgar Allan Poe (on social media sites anyways).
Rather, go find your real friends (the ones who have stuck with through thick and thin and the ones you have just met and love spending time with too) and grab a cup of coffee. Realize the reality, that cyber "friends" are generally not real close friends and that nobody's life is that picture perfect.
Know that true face to face meaningful friendships will never be replaced by a FB/IG/Twitter account and that fictional posts are just that...fictional. True perfection in life and relationships comes from not having to be perfect but from being loved despite your imperfections by those who love you and challenge you to keep pressing on in this messy and very real life and that is a fact.
