So, as I fast forward through this life of mine and from time to time review in my mind what turns my life journey have taken me on and think about where I am going I realized that at a young age I was taught a life lesson by my dad (whether he intended it or not). Two things really.
The first is, in my life, my mind always and I mean ALWAYS is thinking a few moves ahead. My mind always plays out everything...if this happens in life then I'll do this, if this person says this to me (in every conversation..whether easy convos or difficult) than I'll say that. My mind has played out life like a chess game. My. Whole. Life. Always looking down the road for the next "move". So, I guess I could make the argument that this wasn't the result of a silly game I played as a kid but rather the way God designed my brain to think. But, like with everything else in life a healthy perspective is needed. Yes, I can plan my "moves" but the Bible says that even though we plan our lives it is HIM and Him alone that determines our steps! Looking back over my life, your life (if anyone is reading this) and if you have been a Christian for any length of time you can see the hand of God on your life. I know I can! Over and over again I make a plan and God, at times, seems to derail it to bring purpose and glory to Him through my life...often times in ways I would have never planned or chosen! Yet, it truly works out for His good purpose like the Bible says. At times, it is difficult for me to let go of my agenda and let God have His way with my life but over and over and over again as I submit (which that isn't my favorite word) to Him and His ideas there is a fulfillment when I know I am walking in God's perfect plan for my life and I see Him working all the details out!
The second thing that game taught me is that I have never wanted anybody to go easy on me and let me "win". I push myself constantly to excel in everything and I expect everyone else to be painfully honest with me if they are giving me advice. I consider true friendships to be honest...not mean because there IS a difference..but honestly at times give constructive criticism. I was raised by an ex marine dad and a mom who never minced words...always done in love but they always let me know when I was off in anything resulting in me not being an over sensitive typical girl but rather somebody who wanted to know the truth about myself. I married Jim for that reason too. He is always honest and will tell me if I need to change something and I love that because who wants to stay the same?? We should all be striving to be growing in God and allowing Him to challenge us and stretch us!
Where it can become a problem is when I can't let it go and even if somebody, anybody, says that I am doing something good enough I don't believe them...I think I have to excel more or fix more or achieve more! And to that type of personality God tells you and I to rest and know that He alone is God and has got the plan and that striving for excellence (albeit good at times) can be damaging to your morale and your spirit when taken to the extreme and can cause you to just want to give up if you feel that you are not measuring up to a goal that you made up in your own mind. So, I am learning to stop sometimes, not push, not strive but just listen for the next step without trying to run ahead but just wait for God to give me direction by asking Him to encourage my heart and not expecting anyone else to do this because it is God alone who knows the plans He has for me and for you.
So, be free to allow God to plan your steps and give you direction! His map and His way of playing this "game" we call life is filled with peace and for our good and His glory!
