Married with Children

My oldest daughter will be 13 next month.  My husband and I are looking at each other in amazement wondering how time can fly so quick and how in the world a couple of 25 year olds can have a 13 year old?  But time keeps moving, fast.  Throughout our marriage we have been asked a million and one times by friends and outsiders how our marriage works out this great, how it is we are more than thrilled to have all girls and how is there not more drama in the whole process of raising them?

We often laugh when people ask why we aren't complaining about each others Idiosyncrasies or why we aren't complaining about how "difficult" it is to raise girls. The very quick follow up to these questions are often one of two responses. One, well you must have just married a really great husband and two, we must have been lucky to get 3 easy personality types with our girls.  Those responses are always followed up with a warning of just wait til they are teens because you are going to be in so much trouble with all those girls!

I have 3 responses to these statements.

Marriage. Isn't it funny when people do not want to work at something they look around at what everybody else has and will complain that they don't have that same thing.  What this person maybe does not realize is that anything that is good requires work. Lots of work. Yes, it can be fun (Jim & I are living proof of that) but that is because we have worked hard at our marriage.  It doesn't happen by accident...it is intentional. It is a commitment to talk everything out, choose to spend time together, pray together, and most importantly to put God first, then your spouse (not yourself).  Choose to laugh together, choose to not take everything so seriously or pick apart your spouses faults...pick up a mirror and realize you are not perfect either. Value each others opinions and dreams....take time to dream together and realize when you made a commitment to each other, your happily ever after was going to be a team effort and you will be working at it happily ever after...it won't just be an accidental, magical fairy tale.  The benefits of choosing your spouse over yourself, compromising or even relinquishing your "right" to be right every single time, is unbelievably awesome when both the husband and wife are doing the same thing at the same time. 

Children. Daddies, pour into your baby girls, your elementary girls, your jr high girls and, yes, even your high school aged girls. They need and crave your input! Tell them their value and worth to you and your wife and to your family! Say I love you. Often. If you don't they will find someone who does. Tell them it is alright or better yet expected from them to be modest.  That your girls are worth being fought for and deserve a man who treats them with respect.  Show them the love of an unconditional father...in your hands you hold the opportunity to show them in earthly terms how much their Heavenly Father loves them! You will help form how they see God the Father.  Communicate.  Communicate.  Communicate.  And, oh yeah, communicate.  Start from the time they are baby girls in a crib.  If you talk and listen to them talk during those little tea parties they throw every few hours, that will carry over (if you continue keeping those lines of communication open) to when they are invited to their first "real" party whatever that may look like.  She will come home and tell you all the events that happened at those parties as well.  Trust me, I know. I did.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the tears, the pain, the drama, my dad heard it all.  Jim hears it all from our 3 sweet little girls.  He loves every moment of it.  My dad did too.  Choose to be intentional in your relationship with your daughters.

Ok, moms, you are not off the hook when it comes to raising your daughters! 95% of the time it is other ladies who tell me the dread they feel in the relationship with their daughters.  Why? This may sting a little, but most of the time it is because their daughters are a direct reflection of the mom and what that mother did in raising their girls.  Moms, your daughters are watching your every move to see how they are suppose to act as girls, young ladies and as woman.  Be an example.  Period. Be a Godly example.  Walk out in front of them how they are suppose to handle situations, both positive and negative.  However you want your girls to act like, you must act like! I remember waking up for school every day as a kid and going to my back family room and would see my mom with a cup of coffee, open Bible on her lap as she would turn to me and smile and say she was talking to Jesus, he calls me Margaret and I'm listening to Him.  Show them how to love the mess out of Jesus, show them how to walk out purpose in their lives, show them how to dress appropriately, show them how to love unconditionally, show them how to laugh at themselves and not take life so seriously, show them it is possible as ladies to live drama free lives, show them what an intentional, passionate purpose filled life looks like, show them how to overlook an offense and how to be a wife, friend, sister, daughter, overcomer!  Don't compete with your girls for attention. Ever. Build them up and encourage them with your words.  Notice I've said "show" them? Daughters will watch your every move to see if your life is real and sincere....they don't want to hear you say, do something, when you are not showing them that you yourself aren't willing to do it.  You will lose credibility. Live your life in front of them.  That's not to say you won't go through trials. You will. Go through them together...show your daughters how to go through the storms of life with grace....that is the biggest lesson my mom has shown me in her pain.  How to hold on to Jesus through storms and receive his grace and strength through each season both good and bad.  I can hope & pray that I can give my girls the same gift.

All this to say, if you didn't have this growing up or do not have this right now with your marriage or with your daughters, God is the God of second, third, one hundred chances.  Today is the day you can start making a difference in your marriage and in the lives of your kids! You can do it.  Open up your Bible and it has tons of instructions as to what love looks like, how to be a great wife or husband or parent.  Grab a friend who can help keep you accountable where you feel like maybe you are falling short.  Do not condemn yourself....every morning God's mercy is new for that day! You can receive that mercy and extend it to everyone else in your family....you will be pleasantly surprised at the responses and outcomes!

Much love,
Amy