Run the race...

So, I really should be doing my ridiculous amount of homework but I just can't seem to get the focus I need right now and would rather just write then do my sales presentation part 3 million 200 thousand (I'm slightly exaggerating) or study for my algebra/trig exam (which, by the way, it turns out 20 years later my high school teachers really did lie to me...you really don't need algebra for everyday life!)

I'm 4 weeks away from finishing (well almost finishing...I have one more class in the spring) and completing the degree I started four years ago. I sat here on the couch tonight and told Jim I just don't have the focus or energy to complete this and I don't want to put all my energy in this for the next month because I'm tired...but then as soon as I said that I quickly said out loud...Nope, I can do this...just a little more time and my payoff is near! When I think about that and running the "race" my mind jumps to the obvious verse....I have fought the fight I have finished the race. It's what my sisters and I were raised always being told (fight the good fight run the race), it's what is on my dad's grave stone, it's what Jim and I live by and what we teach our girls. This is an action...not something that just happens...it's an action verb.

I look back over the last 4 years of my life and think, wow, has my life changed dramatically. Never in my craziest thoughts did I think I would have to take a year and a half off from school to grieve the loss of a parent, or that my husband would quit an awesome job to begin his own ad agency in a crazy economy but I think, no, I know that with God all things are possible and it is possible to run the race in the midst of storms! I was reading this week about the Israelites being brought out of Egypt and something struck me as odd...I've read the story a million times but this time I read something I had never seen. The Israelites were walking before they got to the red sea and they were complaining to Moses, they said WE didn't want to leave Egypt Moses you brought us out here it wasn't our choice. We know the rest of the story, that they just wandered around the desert for years and complained even though God showed Himself to them over and over and OVER again. And it hit me, they were walking a walk that they said they didn't choose so therefore they complained...and I applied that to our modern day world. Everyone knows somebody in the "church" who complains about everything and it occurred to me that if you, me, anyone who calls themselves a Christian does not make it their own choice, they will constantly be complaining because their heart is not in it, whereas, if it is YOUR choice to pursue God and love and serve Him, even though life can and will be hard, you know that you are running a race for a reason and that because you love Him all you can think about is your life glorifying Him alone.

Have you ever been in a situation where you thought, hey, I didn't choose this situation?? I know I have! About 6 months after my dad passed away I hit a brick wall and was an absolute mess. I didn't share it with anyone because I knew I just needed to step back and re assess what I was doing and as I sat there I remembered the day my dad died, in the morning I had my girls conferences and I knew I would go to the hospital after I talked with their teachers. As I pulled into the school I looked down and saw that my diamond had fallen out of my wedding ring, I've never taken my ring off, never lost it and definitely had never lost a diamond. I just sat in the car and thought, yeah, I could really have gone without that happening today...he died that night and as I looked down at him I remembered I had lost my diamond...banner bad day I thought! Two days later (after Jim searched the entire house and car for it he couldn't find it) it was the morning of his funeral and I got out of the shower and walked over to where I always pray in my bedroom...I collapsed on the floor, face to the ground just crying out to God for strength and as I wiped the tears from eyes right in front of my eyes, exactly where I kneel to always pray was the diamond to my ring..and I just felt God say "Amy, kneeling before me right here will be the only way you are going to get through this next year." I thought that was weird because that would be an obvious thing to do....it wasn't though... through the grief I didn't take time to pray because I was in a situation I didn't choose!

Everyone kept saying that I would just have to live with this sadness and I would just get used to it! That always infuriated me because my whole life I was a glass half full kind of person and now my glass was not only not full but it had been picked up and thrown against a wall and I didn't want to "get used to" being so sad...so for 6 months I didn't kneel or choose to ask for His help to run this crazy race I was thrown into....until a friend said Amy your life doesn't stop here...you keep going and instead of thinking everything is done begin to think about all the things God is going to use you to do and when you get to Heaven then you can tell your dad everything. It was at that point those few words encouraged me to get up and begin running the race again and making a choice to walk even when I was in a situation I didn't choose...even though I found myself in a difficult time I could still choose God! It literally changed the way I looked at my situation! I didn't learn to live with the sadness I let God use it to grow and eventually there was joy again.

So, here I am ready to complete my degree and it's so cool to see how God just works everything out in our lives if we allow Him! I get to be a designer which is something I've always wanted to do and I get to sing almost every Sunday which is the other thing I love to do and I count it all a privilege to have an amazing husband and awesome kids and be able to pour my life into so many things while hoping to bring glory to God through everything I do on this race...and all the while collecting quite a list to share with my dad when I get home...

Check Mate..

When I was a kid around 7 or 8 my dad taught me how to play the game chess. Now looking back and having girls that age I think it was kind of a young age to learn such a difficult game but as I would play he would beat me at the game over and over again. He would tell me he wasn't going to let me win and I had to earn a win on my own. If you know anything about the game it requires at every turn for the players to think ahead several moves at a time..always having a game plan in place and knowing what your next moves will be til the end...whoever has the better game plan in their mind gets to say "check mate" at the end and wins. Because I was so competitive I wanted to play him every few nights until I could say check mate to him...it took me years..literally I was that unrelenting. I remember the day I finally had all the right moves in my head and I told him check mate...probably at around 10 or 11 years old it happened I got up out of the chair and started screaming (because that's what girls do) and yelling check mate, check mate, check mate dad! I beat you and you didn't let me win! I was so excited and thrilled that I conquered the game and beat him on my own without him helping me!

So, as I fast forward through this life of mine and from time to time review in my mind what turns my life journey have taken me on and think about where I am going I realized that at a young age I was taught a life lesson by my dad (whether he intended it or not). Two things really.

The first is, in my life, my mind always and I mean ALWAYS is thinking a few moves ahead. My mind always plays out everything...if this happens in life then I'll do this, if this person says this to me (in every conversation..whether easy convos or difficult) than I'll say that. My mind has played out life like a chess game. My. Whole. Life. Always looking down the road for the next "move". So, I guess I could make the argument that this wasn't the result of a silly game I played as a kid but rather the way God designed my brain to think. But, like with everything else in life a healthy perspective is needed. Yes, I can plan my "moves" but the Bible says that even though we plan our lives it is HIM and Him alone that determines our steps! Looking back over my life, your life (if anyone is reading this) and if you have been a Christian for any length of time you can see the hand of God on your life. I know I can! Over and over again I make a plan and God, at times, seems to derail it to bring purpose and glory to Him through my life...often times in ways I would have never planned or chosen! Yet, it truly works out for His good purpose like the Bible says. At times, it is difficult for me to let go of my agenda and let God have His way with my life but over and over and over again as I submit (which that isn't my favorite word) to Him and His ideas there is a fulfillment when I know I am walking in God's perfect plan for my life and I see Him working all the details out!

The second thing that game taught me is that I have never wanted anybody to go easy on me and let me "win". I push myself constantly to excel in everything and I expect everyone else to be painfully honest with me if they are giving me advice. I consider true friendships to be honest...not mean because there IS a difference..but honestly at times give constructive criticism. I was raised by an ex marine dad and a mom who never minced words...always done in love but they always let me know when I was off in anything resulting in me not being an over sensitive typical girl but rather somebody who wanted to know the truth about myself. I married Jim for that reason too. He is always honest and will tell me if I need to change something and I love that because who wants to stay the same?? We should all be striving to be growing in God and allowing Him to challenge us and stretch us!

Where it can become a problem is when I can't let it go and even if somebody, anybody, says that I am doing something good enough I don't believe them...I think I have to excel more or fix more or achieve more! And to that type of personality God tells you and I to rest and know that He alone is God and has got the plan and that striving for excellence (albeit good at times) can be damaging to your morale and your spirit when taken to the extreme and can cause you to just want to give up if you feel that you are not measuring up to a goal that you made up in your own mind. So, I am learning to stop sometimes, not push, not strive but just listen for the next step without trying to run ahead but just wait for God to give me direction by asking Him to encourage my heart and not expecting anyone else to do this because it is God alone who knows the plans He has for me and for you.

So, be free to allow God to plan your steps and give you direction! His map and His way of playing this "game" we call life is filled with peace and for our good and His glory!

The Backpack Give Back....A huge Success!

The Backpack Giveback was a huge success!! Thank you everyone who participated! Underprivileged kids from all over received a backpack! Including The Refuge Youth/Runaway Assistance, Turning Point Women's Shelter and Washington Elementary

in Mt. Clemens! 76 backpacks in all collected for these kids!

Hi everybody!

If you've signed up to give a backpack please drop it off to The Well 46000 N. Gratiot, Chesterfield, MI, 48051, by Friday August 26th or contact me to meet you to collect them from you!

So far we have 55 backpacks collected and wanted to get at least 70! We are giving them to some kids in Chesterfield, Mt. Clemens Washington Elementary and Turning Point Women's shelter.

There's still time...please consider donating to help these kids!

If you've already donated thank you so much for helping!!

Amy

Rita Springer was taking a break and Laine thought it would be a great idea for me to "sit" there and just play for a while! Ha!

You're alright...I'm alright...God's got it!

So, today I sit here at my computer with so many thoughts racing through my mind...nothing new for me really...but today's thoughts are a little different. My dad always used to tease me that I was the daughter that gave him gray hair. I would always laugh and tell him he was exaggerating because I wasn't that bad! Sure, at times I was a little driven or extreme..at times a little strong willed or opinionated. I just defined it a little different...I would say I am just passionate and focused dad that's all! None the less, he would laugh and just shake his head at me! After all I was most like him. My sister Sara is more the Mary type and I am Martha. I never have done well at sitting or waiting and letting things work themselves out. Sara my sister is sooo much better at that than I am...I always have to be moving and fixing something always trying to make things right...even if there wasn't an answer I tried to find one. I often have thought of myself as the one who had more questions than answers. I always thought because of my more outspoken nature I should be quieter like my mom and sister because it would be a lot easier...I probably wouldn't put my foot in my mouth so much!

Since my dads death 18 months ago I've done a ton of deep soul searching...really trying to define my life to see how something good come from his death. That's a hard concept I know to think about, but I truly believe it can happen...that God can and does bring something good out of a death. In my family I had an amazing mom and dad and I am the oldest of 3 girls and we always were so aware of who we were and our place in the family. I was the oldest who always wanted to be "on" always the talker and always wanted to be in front of everyone making them laugh, Lisa was our middle sister, the heart of our family with her disability that taught us so much more about life and compassion than any text book could ever teach and then there was Sara, a self proclaimed princess who always was more mature, more maternal, more patient than myself. In my mind I always knew Sara was like mom, I was like dad and lisa was a combination.

My mom decided a couple of months ago she wanted to sell the dream house her and my dad had built only a few years ago mainly because on the last day of his life his request was to be brought home to pass away in his own bed. My mom never really wanted to be back in that room again so in a matter of 1 month after listing it and one walk through she sold it. Totally a God ordained sale in this economy! But over the course of this last month...really 18 months I have been so aware of how I grieve and deal with all the stress that comes with this compared to how my mom and sisters do it. Friday was the closing...all the hoops we've had to jump through to get to it was ridiculous but still I sit here on the other side of yet. After all was said and done I realized this week leading up to Friday and even this weekend as we approach the closing for her new house that it's alright to have some questions and that my personality wasn't the wrong personality...it is just different from my mom and sisters. Her house still sold despite who I am or who my mom and sisters are...God is still God and can work in any situation at all times if we allow him! I so many times in the last 2 years of my life have just had to let go and not worry about the path or outcome but just trust that God has got every detail of my life already set and He created me and my mom and sisters all very different because He will use us all in different ways in different areas..such an easier way of living life...so freeing!

I just had a church sign up to donate 50+ backpacks to thewww.backpackgiveback.org to help kids in Macomb county with school supplies on August 27! Email me if you or your church or business want to participate, too!