Check Mate..

When I was a kid around 7 or 8 my dad taught me how to play the game chess. Now looking back and having girls that age I think it was kind of a young age to learn such a difficult game but as I would play he would beat me at the game over and over again. He would tell me he wasn't going to let me win and I had to earn a win on my own. If you know anything about the game it requires at every turn for the players to think ahead several moves at a time..always having a game plan in place and knowing what your next moves will be til the end...whoever has the better game plan in their mind gets to say "check mate" at the end and wins. Because I was so competitive I wanted to play him every few nights until I could say check mate to him...it took me years..literally I was that unrelenting. I remember the day I finally had all the right moves in my head and I told him check mate...probably at around 10 or 11 years old it happened I got up out of the chair and started screaming (because that's what girls do) and yelling check mate, check mate, check mate dad! I beat you and you didn't let me win! I was so excited and thrilled that I conquered the game and beat him on my own without him helping me!

So, as I fast forward through this life of mine and from time to time review in my mind what turns my life journey have taken me on and think about where I am going I realized that at a young age I was taught a life lesson by my dad (whether he intended it or not). Two things really.

The first is, in my life, my mind always and I mean ALWAYS is thinking a few moves ahead. My mind always plays out everything...if this happens in life then I'll do this, if this person says this to me (in every conversation..whether easy convos or difficult) than I'll say that. My mind has played out life like a chess game. My. Whole. Life. Always looking down the road for the next "move". So, I guess I could make the argument that this wasn't the result of a silly game I played as a kid but rather the way God designed my brain to think. But, like with everything else in life a healthy perspective is needed. Yes, I can plan my "moves" but the Bible says that even though we plan our lives it is HIM and Him alone that determines our steps! Looking back over my life, your life (if anyone is reading this) and if you have been a Christian for any length of time you can see the hand of God on your life. I know I can! Over and over again I make a plan and God, at times, seems to derail it to bring purpose and glory to Him through my life...often times in ways I would have never planned or chosen! Yet, it truly works out for His good purpose like the Bible says. At times, it is difficult for me to let go of my agenda and let God have His way with my life but over and over and over again as I submit (which that isn't my favorite word) to Him and His ideas there is a fulfillment when I know I am walking in God's perfect plan for my life and I see Him working all the details out!

The second thing that game taught me is that I have never wanted anybody to go easy on me and let me "win". I push myself constantly to excel in everything and I expect everyone else to be painfully honest with me if they are giving me advice. I consider true friendships to be honest...not mean because there IS a difference..but honestly at times give constructive criticism. I was raised by an ex marine dad and a mom who never minced words...always done in love but they always let me know when I was off in anything resulting in me not being an over sensitive typical girl but rather somebody who wanted to know the truth about myself. I married Jim for that reason too. He is always honest and will tell me if I need to change something and I love that because who wants to stay the same?? We should all be striving to be growing in God and allowing Him to challenge us and stretch us!

Where it can become a problem is when I can't let it go and even if somebody, anybody, says that I am doing something good enough I don't believe them...I think I have to excel more or fix more or achieve more! And to that type of personality God tells you and I to rest and know that He alone is God and has got the plan and that striving for excellence (albeit good at times) can be damaging to your morale and your spirit when taken to the extreme and can cause you to just want to give up if you feel that you are not measuring up to a goal that you made up in your own mind. So, I am learning to stop sometimes, not push, not strive but just listen for the next step without trying to run ahead but just wait for God to give me direction by asking Him to encourage my heart and not expecting anyone else to do this because it is God alone who knows the plans He has for me and for you.

So, be free to allow God to plan your steps and give you direction! His map and His way of playing this "game" we call life is filled with peace and for our good and His glory!

The Backpack Give Back....A huge Success!

The Backpack Giveback was a huge success!! Thank you everyone who participated! Underprivileged kids from all over received a backpack! Including The Refuge Youth/Runaway Assistance, Turning Point Women's Shelter and Washington Elementary

in Mt. Clemens! 76 backpacks in all collected for these kids!

Hi everybody!

If you've signed up to give a backpack please drop it off to The Well 46000 N. Gratiot, Chesterfield, MI, 48051, by Friday August 26th or contact me to meet you to collect them from you!

So far we have 55 backpacks collected and wanted to get at least 70! We are giving them to some kids in Chesterfield, Mt. Clemens Washington Elementary and Turning Point Women's shelter.

There's still time...please consider donating to help these kids!

If you've already donated thank you so much for helping!!

Amy

Rita Springer was taking a break and Laine thought it would be a great idea for me to "sit" there and just play for a while! Ha!

You're alright...I'm alright...God's got it!

So, today I sit here at my computer with so many thoughts racing through my mind...nothing new for me really...but today's thoughts are a little different. My dad always used to tease me that I was the daughter that gave him gray hair. I would always laugh and tell him he was exaggerating because I wasn't that bad! Sure, at times I was a little driven or extreme..at times a little strong willed or opinionated. I just defined it a little different...I would say I am just passionate and focused dad that's all! None the less, he would laugh and just shake his head at me! After all I was most like him. My sister Sara is more the Mary type and I am Martha. I never have done well at sitting or waiting and letting things work themselves out. Sara my sister is sooo much better at that than I am...I always have to be moving and fixing something always trying to make things right...even if there wasn't an answer I tried to find one. I often have thought of myself as the one who had more questions than answers. I always thought because of my more outspoken nature I should be quieter like my mom and sister because it would be a lot easier...I probably wouldn't put my foot in my mouth so much!

Since my dads death 18 months ago I've done a ton of deep soul searching...really trying to define my life to see how something good come from his death. That's a hard concept I know to think about, but I truly believe it can happen...that God can and does bring something good out of a death. In my family I had an amazing mom and dad and I am the oldest of 3 girls and we always were so aware of who we were and our place in the family. I was the oldest who always wanted to be "on" always the talker and always wanted to be in front of everyone making them laugh, Lisa was our middle sister, the heart of our family with her disability that taught us so much more about life and compassion than any text book could ever teach and then there was Sara, a self proclaimed princess who always was more mature, more maternal, more patient than myself. In my mind I always knew Sara was like mom, I was like dad and lisa was a combination.

My mom decided a couple of months ago she wanted to sell the dream house her and my dad had built only a few years ago mainly because on the last day of his life his request was to be brought home to pass away in his own bed. My mom never really wanted to be back in that room again so in a matter of 1 month after listing it and one walk through she sold it. Totally a God ordained sale in this economy! But over the course of this last month...really 18 months I have been so aware of how I grieve and deal with all the stress that comes with this compared to how my mom and sisters do it. Friday was the closing...all the hoops we've had to jump through to get to it was ridiculous but still I sit here on the other side of yet. After all was said and done I realized this week leading up to Friday and even this weekend as we approach the closing for her new house that it's alright to have some questions and that my personality wasn't the wrong personality...it is just different from my mom and sisters. Her house still sold despite who I am or who my mom and sisters are...God is still God and can work in any situation at all times if we allow him! I so many times in the last 2 years of my life have just had to let go and not worry about the path or outcome but just trust that God has got every detail of my life already set and He created me and my mom and sisters all very different because He will use us all in different ways in different areas..such an easier way of living life...so freeing!

I just had a church sign up to donate 50+ backpacks to thewww.backpackgiveback.org to help kids in Macomb county with school supplies on August 27! Email me if you or your church or business want to participate, too!

So, this was the weekend I've been waiting for for about 2 years now...pretty exciting eh? Probably not to anybody else but me. Sometimes I feel so redundant when talking about the last 2 years of my life but the reality is...is that it has been the darkest time in my life until last weekend when I finally felt my heart again...finally felt something other than pain. Ok, so you would say but you've seemed so happy....I have had awesome times with my husband and kids and friends...I've kept living, pressing on, making the best out of every moment...everything I knew how to do...everything I've been taught in life to do when "storms" come. I almost got to good with going through all the motions and being strong enough on my own..or so I thought. While walking out the last couple years of my life while watching my dads sickness deteriorate the man I knew and then grieving his loss, I had built such a wall around my heart of pain that nobody could get through to it to touch it...not even God it seemed. I kept pursuing Him the only way I knew how...I loved Him with everything and I knew that he was the one carrying me through this whole mess but my heart felt cold and far from Him even though I didn't want it to. I'd beg him to speak to me and help me to feel His presence again like I used to but it just wasn't happening...it was horribly dark. You may say that I may be being slightly dramatic..maybe...but last weekend I got to be who I remembered being before my dad got sick! I was invited to go to a women's "retreat" getaway with an amazing friend of mine to spend a couple of days with worship leader/songwriter Rita Springer. I thought this would be a pretty good idea since I was going there mainly to ask her some questions about worship...that never happened..God had a different plan for me this weekend. I went there but not for the reason I thought I was going there for! As soon as she sat down at the piano to start the Friday night service tears began streaming down my face because for the first time in 2 years I felt the presence of God! We started to just worship God and tears kept streaming down my face as I pleaded with God to allow me to see His face again...to make my heart soft again...to infuse my soul with Joy again! That was, after all, what I was known for before this whole mess began...JOY! And with each song I began to feel all the walls I had been building around my broken heart just fall away. I could feel God around me again. For the last 2 years I've known in my head that God was around me, holding me, carrying me, bringing peace into a seemingly impossible situation, but Friday night it went from knowing it to finally feeling it...feeling something more than hurt or anger or frustration or pain or nothing at all...I can't tell you how liberating this feels! But then an even more amazing thing happened. Rita said a short phrase that has completely changed my life..she was talking in John 11 about when Lazarus died Jesus turned to Thomas and said let's go see Lazarus and, being obedient to Jesus, he said ok let's go...Thomas immediately followed Jesus...well when you think of Thomas what automatically comes to your mind? Doubting Thomas right? Rita made a connection at that point that rocked my world...she said Thomas was obedient to Jesus...after the death of Jesus the Bible said He doubted Jesus...in his grief he doubted Jesus. She said his doubt was his grief..The Bible wanted to make a statement before that grief that Thomas was obedient before to God and that's how God viewed him...obedient..his grief and doubt wasn't what God saw in Him and wasn't how God defined him! Do you know that after his grief and doubt Thomas was the disciple to take the gospel and spread it into Asia?! God used him AFTER his doubt because what was really in his heart that defined him was obedience! The grief tripped him up for a moment but God used him in an awesome way after that! At that point I literally had to take everything inside of me to not fall on the floor and weep! My heart has doubted for the last year and a half and I've hated every second of it...begging God to take this doubt from my heart and I kept trying to press in to make that horrible feeling go away! I've questioned more than I ever have until Friday night! God you can still use me despite my failures and questions and doubts!! He knows my heart and loves me still! I can sing about Him with confidence now knowing He still loves me and can work through my life even after all my doubts and my grief!! I can soar with eagles wings now because He brought freedom to my broken heart!