Have you ever felt like if you could only get away from your mind and your thoughts you would be alright? You're not alone. Scores of people find themselves wishing the same thing.
Ok, well maybe not everyone has this problem. For instance, my husband. When we first got married I remember asking him what he thought about when he sat down on the couch after a long day. He said nothing. Static. I think of nothing. I said nothing? Nothing goes through your mind? Nope. He told me he just shuts it all off.
I remember thinking to myself that is hilarious because I seriously could make an entire two hour feature length film all up in my head in about 2.3 seconds! Maybe it was because I was creative or maybe it was because I was just nuts but seriously I would pay big money to have someone tell me how I can just shut my mind off. Is there a switch somewhere? Is there a trick to it? I searched for years wondering how I could get all those thoughts I didn't want in my mind to just shut up! How can I shut them off? I'm not talking about crazy nefarious types of thoughts. No, more just like crazy questions, scenarios or stories I could make up at the drop of a dime and then play them on loop over and over and over and....you get the point.
Maybe, you're like that too. Maybe, your rogue thoughts are a bit deeper or maybe more destructive. Maybe they are the thoughts of derogatory things people of said to you. Hurtful things that tore you apart but you never said they did but now they have taken root and they've played on loop so much in your mind that you believe them. Thoughts of inadequacy, incompetence, jealousy or fear. Maybe, they are lies and thoughts of suicide, affairs, bitterness and anger. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just stuff that takes up too much time wasted on useless things. It's wasting energy.
When I had my 3rd baby almost 12 years ago by way of c-section it did not go as planned and I ended up paralyzed for over 24 hours from my chest down. I had a serious staff infection and difficulties breathing with no explanations why. As I laid in the hospital my mind went into over drive with fear, panic and questions if I would ever walk again. I remember thinking I have to gain clarity on this. Panicking will only compound this. I remember saying outloud in the hospital bed. Stop. Stop thinking all these crazy thoughts even though my situation was ridiculous! I began to repeat over and over in my mind take every thought captive. Take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Over and over I said that out loud. Whatever is true, noble, excellent, trustworthy (Philippians 4:8)....these were scriptures I had hidden in my heart that now in crisis were becoming my life line to stop all the other lies and voices from being louder than Truth.
My paralysis eventually just stopped. I could walk again. Nobody could ever give an exact answer as to why I was paralyzed for a brief period but it did leave me with a bunch of irrational fears for about 2 years. Each time the fear would come I would quote scriptures to bring a peace to my mind and situation. Sometimes hundreds of times in a day. It became my habit. I wouldn't always get it right but I was learning how to get a hold of my crazy thoughts.
The crazy thing was and is that those thoughts don't stop coming just because I know how to control them. They still come. I still have moments where I know I have a choice to allow the 2 hour feature length movie of fearful thoughts unfold in my mind which would produce no good fruit or do I choose to trust God with my life and thoughts and think on things above not on earthly things?
Several years back, I went through something similar again when my dad died. Only the thoughts this time were even darker and more painful to walk through and were not fear based but potentially could have been destructive if not stopped. The lesson I took from that valley of extreme thoughts is that there are times in life you not only need to take every thought captive and make it obedient to God you sometimes need to take yourself completely out of a situation that is perpetuating those thoughts. Run. Flee. It does not matter if it makes sense to people around you. If God is telling you to leave a situation because it is harming you or your walk with Him and causing you to feel defeated, I think it is alright to walk away. Regain your composure. Take every thought and give them to God so He can bring restoration to your life.
Be encouraged today that you do have a choice on what to think on. You are stronger than you think you are. Don't believe the lies on loop in your mind. Greater is He who is in you than He who is in the world. (1 John 4:4).
Refocus your thoughts on God and His Truth about you and your situation today. It may not mean your situation will necessarily change but your perspective will and with a Godly perspective comes His peace which is so desperately lacking in the world we live in today. You can do it! If I could and can so can you! There is such a feeling of overcoming when you come through a season of intense depth and you know that you choose to think on God and His Word to carry you through it!
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
What is the definition of true beauty?
Here is an inspired clip on the definition of what true beauty, worth and value are. I was asked to speak and inspire the women attending the Fashion for Freedom event hosted by Ashley Lorano's Party with a Purpose event highlighting the Michigan Abolitionist Project (MAP) and what they are doing to fight modern day slavery (human trafficking).
Be inspired! You are beautiful and have value!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWZeVk0oNas
Monday, January 19, 2015
February 8th - My Dad Knows Best
January and February are filled with many different emotions. February 8th at 7:30pm marks the 5 year anniversary of that cold winter night my dad took his last breath here and entered into eternity.
5 years. 5 years without talking to him. 5 years without him making us all laugh at all the times we were 'suppose' to be serious. 5 years have passed and all 5 of his granddaughters have all grown 5 years older. 5 years without his advice, tough love and encouragement helping me through things when I would rather fall down and not move forward. 5 years of seeing the pain behind my moms smile because she lost the love of her life of 40 years. 5 years where my husband has had to go without the only father figure he ever had.
I could write a blog 50 pages long that would chronicle the million and one lessons learned from this loss, grief and even the purpose given to all of it but, instead, I am left with this reoccurring lesson that my dad taught me through his life and death and I will hold onto until the day I take my very last breath.
Time stops for nobody. It keeps moving forward so choose wisely what you do with it. That is the only choice we do have in regards to time. What we do with it & what we pour it into.
Our choice and solution to that question has something to do with people. Eternity will be filled with them. I am left with the understanding that, because the very nature of God is relational, then our life should model that, too, with an emphasis on building relationship with Him and with others.
How we choose to spend our time here pouring into relationships with Him and building relationships with other people is really what time is all about. The 'how' is for you to figure out and seek God for but it should always be about investing your time into other people.
Giving time to your kids even when you're tired and can't possibly answer one more 'why' question from your toddler or one more math question from you junior higher. It is time spent wiping away one more tear because of a broken little heart due to girl drama she didn't want to be in. It is time spent with your spouse even though you want to tell him he was loading the dishwasher wrong...again. Instead, you choose to see the big picture with a life spent with him building your future together, raising kids and choosing to enjoy the journey, chaos and all. It's about time spent helping friends, serving people, and giving back to those who need it. It's about helping those who have no hope, no voice, no direction or understanding of God's love and redemption. It's about offering that hope to everyone God puts in your path. It's investing our time into those people around us.
How we choose to spend our time here pouring into relationships with Him and building relationships with other people is really what time is all about. The 'how' is for you to figure out and seek God for but it should always be about investing your time into other people.
Giving time to your kids even when you're tired and can't possibly answer one more 'why' question from your toddler or one more math question from you junior higher. It is time spent wiping away one more tear because of a broken little heart due to girl drama she didn't want to be in. It is time spent with your spouse even though you want to tell him he was loading the dishwasher wrong...again. Instead, you choose to see the big picture with a life spent with him building your future together, raising kids and choosing to enjoy the journey, chaos and all. It's about time spent helping friends, serving people, and giving back to those who need it. It's about helping those who have no hope, no voice, no direction or understanding of God's love and redemption. It's about offering that hope to everyone God puts in your path. It's investing our time into those people around us.
Time. Such a precious commodity. One that can't be taken back at the end of the day. There are no real life ground hogs day. No do over's. Live life with no regrets. Say I love you. Choose to say sorry over having to be right and win all the time. Don't throw away a relationship because it didn't serve you well enough (excluding toxic relationships obviously). Believe the best in people and use your words to build up not tear down.
People matter and spending your time on that will never be a waste. You have the choice as to how you spend your time. Why not use it to invest in other lives? I promise the return on it is of eternal importance.
5 years later and that has been my greatest lesson learned from my dad and our loss. Time stops for no one and relationships will be the only thing we can bring into eternity so make every moment count by investing your time into building relationships.
5 years later and that has been my greatest lesson learned from my dad and our loss. Time stops for no one and relationships will be the only thing we can bring into eternity so make every moment count by investing your time into building relationships.
When I take my last breath, like my dad did, and his final words to me were reaffirming how much he loved me...I want to know I spent my time wisely doing all the things that mattered most by loving and pouring into the lives around me all the while sharing who God was in the time given to me.
So, if you see me on or around February 8th, please understand this time of year I become reflective and may tear up a bit about the time my dad invested into my life and everyone else around me and how his life profoundly impacted me. He choose to spend his time wisely in relationships all around and I chose to follow in his footsteps all the days of my life, too.
Thanks, dad, for showing me that people and relationships matter most. I miss you and I love you. See you when I get home.
Amy Elizabeth
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Top 10 Things I've Learned in 2014.
As we roll to the end of another year I am left with a few thoughts. One of my favorite quotes of all times is this: Life consists of 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to that 10%.
Brilliant quote. It's even better when you can take those few words and allow them to sink in and apply it to your own life. God works all things out for His good, right? Take a moment today to reflect on this last year. Pause for a bit to ask God, how do you want me to respond to all the things that this past year has thrown my way? When you respond to all your stuff with an open heart asking Him to work it out, God really can use it all to shape what He has called you to accomplish in this life.
Here is what I've learned this year and am asking God to direct my steps in responding to how He wants to use it all in 2015. So here it goes....
1. I stopped apologizing for being a strong willed woman on a mission and for my personality. I began to think, if God gave me this personality (and when our personalities are submitted to Him and His will) then it must be for a reason. We are each given our own personality. Why? For His purpose. So stop apologizing, too, and let God use who He created you to be for His Kingdom.
2. To be inspired is great but is only the first step. Going out and doing is inspiration's fruit.
3. Forgiving is the first step. Letting go is the road that follows.
4. Everyone needs a sister or friend like my sister, Sara. One who you wholeheartedly let in. A person you know you are safe enough to let your guard down with in order to give and receive from. Yes, a good friendship gives and receives. It does both....well. I also have a couple of other friends in my life who do that as well. They are gems and I guard those friendships with my life. We, as girls, need a girlfriend or two who will speak truth into us (even when we don't want to hear it) love us enough to let us be ourselves but will also love us enough to challenge us to not stay stagnant.
5. Everyone talks about the orphan...but what about the widow? It's in the same verse. Both causes are true religion.
6. Do not forsake the fellowship doesn't necessarily mean don't forsake the church building on Sunday morning. Fellowship is choosing to surround yourself with people all week long who challenge you, inspire you, dream with you, correct you and live life next to you all while loving Jesus. Don't forsake that.
7. I was born to parent teen girls. So much so, that I think that might be where I'm headed with Inspire! (maybe some teen girls, creative arts and a God given purpose).
8. A good marriage consists of choosing to be intentional in your relationship. Every. Day. (maybe multiple times). A good marriage doesn't just happen...it's worked on. I've learned this one years ago but it bares repeating because it is a constant choice. When you both are intentional it can be amazing all that God does in and through it.
9. It doesn't matter what church you go to as long as they are preaching good sound theology and pointing you towards Jesus. Your walk with Jesus and what you're doing with the talent He gives you, wherever your are, matters more than the building you choose to sit in on Sunday morning. Being a doer is the key. The Church doesn't consist of just 4 walls. It is global. So be a part of what God is doing, wherever you are at. Do something.
10. Choosing to pull away from negative and complaining people in life is a brilliant choice because it frees you up from being held back in an endless cycle of listening to people who only want to focus on the 10% rather than the 90.
Happy New Year, friends!! Make 2015 amazing. Better yet, let God make your 2015 amazing by responding with a yes to however He leads!
Brilliant quote. It's even better when you can take those few words and allow them to sink in and apply it to your own life. God works all things out for His good, right? Take a moment today to reflect on this last year. Pause for a bit to ask God, how do you want me to respond to all the things that this past year has thrown my way? When you respond to all your stuff with an open heart asking Him to work it out, God really can use it all to shape what He has called you to accomplish in this life.
Here is what I've learned this year and am asking God to direct my steps in responding to how He wants to use it all in 2015. So here it goes....
1. I stopped apologizing for being a strong willed woman on a mission and for my personality. I began to think, if God gave me this personality (and when our personalities are submitted to Him and His will) then it must be for a reason. We are each given our own personality. Why? For His purpose. So stop apologizing, too, and let God use who He created you to be for His Kingdom.
2. To be inspired is great but is only the first step. Going out and doing is inspiration's fruit.
3. Forgiving is the first step. Letting go is the road that follows.
4. Everyone needs a sister or friend like my sister, Sara. One who you wholeheartedly let in. A person you know you are safe enough to let your guard down with in order to give and receive from. Yes, a good friendship gives and receives. It does both....well. I also have a couple of other friends in my life who do that as well. They are gems and I guard those friendships with my life. We, as girls, need a girlfriend or two who will speak truth into us (even when we don't want to hear it) love us enough to let us be ourselves but will also love us enough to challenge us to not stay stagnant.
5. Everyone talks about the orphan...but what about the widow? It's in the same verse. Both causes are true religion.
6. Do not forsake the fellowship doesn't necessarily mean don't forsake the church building on Sunday morning. Fellowship is choosing to surround yourself with people all week long who challenge you, inspire you, dream with you, correct you and live life next to you all while loving Jesus. Don't forsake that.
7. I was born to parent teen girls. So much so, that I think that might be where I'm headed with Inspire! (maybe some teen girls, creative arts and a God given purpose).
8. A good marriage consists of choosing to be intentional in your relationship. Every. Day. (maybe multiple times). A good marriage doesn't just happen...it's worked on. I've learned this one years ago but it bares repeating because it is a constant choice. When you both are intentional it can be amazing all that God does in and through it.
9. It doesn't matter what church you go to as long as they are preaching good sound theology and pointing you towards Jesus. Your walk with Jesus and what you're doing with the talent He gives you, wherever your are, matters more than the building you choose to sit in on Sunday morning. Being a doer is the key. The Church doesn't consist of just 4 walls. It is global. So be a part of what God is doing, wherever you are at. Do something.
10. Choosing to pull away from negative and complaining people in life is a brilliant choice because it frees you up from being held back in an endless cycle of listening to people who only want to focus on the 10% rather than the 90.
Happy New Year, friends!! Make 2015 amazing. Better yet, let God make your 2015 amazing by responding with a yes to however He leads!
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Being Content - Loneliness
Over the last 5 years my tolerance for complaining has gotten down to about 0. I distance myself from people who have a habit of complaining about every little detail honestly because I feel like complaining can be contagious and I don't want to be a part of it because it is easy to slip into. I chalk my growing lack of tolerance up to going through a tragedy and through that, my perspective began to change and my tolerance for complaining waned.
I remember being a kid and would cry about something silly and my parents would say Amy, stop crying otherwise I will give you something good to cry about! What does that phrase even mean? I don't know. What were they going to give me to cry about? I never found out because I quit crying until I had something to cry about almost 5 years ago.
Out of that experience I now have a limited amount of tolerance for complaining. Obviously talking through difficult life things is different than complaining and is extremely necessary and needed to walk through life's difficult seasons but complaining is entirely different than talking through loss, death, divorce, affairs, sickness, financial troubles. The list of tough stuff people go through is long. Constant complaining is staying in the state of discontentment & dissatisfaction. Perspective in your situation, however, is what changes the outcome (or at the very least your mindset) of what you are talking about. Complaining, however, about it does not change a thing...in fact it can make it worse.
Phillipians 4 lays it out the right perspective for us. How to be content in all things. That doesn't mean we have to love what we are going through. It doesn't mean we should be fake about it or not confront what we are going through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't admit that we need help. We should do all those things but Paul does teach us how to go through everything as we are going through it. He tells us to rejoice in the Lord. To be thankful in all things. Thankful that we know God is with us and working all things for our good all the time. He teaches us to think on good things and not dwell on our complaints. He teaches us to lift our sights higher than what we see at the moment.
There was a 4 year season in our marriage where every single familiar "community" we had roots down in had been changed, uprooted or moved to another place. I hated. every. single. moment. I still am not fond of all the changes. A couple of years ago I went through an intensely lonely period of time due to all the changes and uprooting. All the changes (I hope) have passed and I still sit at a place where I don't have a great answer to how wonderful the change was. I don't have an answer that it was for a better sense of community and deeper relationships at all the new places God moved me to. It hasn't been an easy or clean answer wrapped perfectly with a happy ending bow (at least not yet). However, God is teaching me that sometimes He takes us through things to bring us closer to Him. Sometimes our perspective gets challenged a bit in order to see if we will complain or just surrender to Him and say, I don't get it but I am walking with you anyways and I trust that you have a bigger plan than I can see.
My perspective began to shift as God was speaking to me through every change I went through and through every lonely moment I felt. I wanted to throw my hands up and complain about the 'injustice' & discomfort of every change. Howevery, my new perspective began to allow me to ask a few hard questions of each change. Maybe I wasn't meant to be known in every circle I walked into anymore. Maybe I wasn't suppose to be comfortable in walking up to a group of friends who know me well in every place I walked into. Maybe God was keeping me from 'familiar' because He was doing something bigger than I could see or can see right now.
Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk across water to Himself (Matt 14) all by himself. Peter wasn't walking with a bunch of friends. He was alone walking across the water to Jesus. The winds started blowing and Peter panicked, started to sink and cried out to Jesus and Jesus immediately reached out to Peter and caught him.
Peter was walking alone and knew nobody else could do what Jesus did for him. Jesus alone could meet Peter and catch him. Sometimes in our familiar groups of friends we unknowingly think they are the ones that can help us. Walk with us. Give us answers that maybe God alone has the answers to. Sometimes Jesus asks us to leave our familiar "boat" to walk outside our comforts and follow Him. Not complain but rather change our perspective and simply run to Him.
Don't get me wrong I love being in a nice comfortable, familiar group of friends who have known me forever and know everything about me just as much as the next girl. However, I am finding the longer I walk with God, He often gets us alone with Him to direct our steps better and through that allows us to hear His voice more clearly. He calls us to walk alone sometimes without all the comforts of a familiar scenery. No particular group in my life is familiar anymore and I'm learning to trust that God knows that and has a reason for it.
As I re read Phillipians 4 I am reminded about our perspective in every season of life. No matter what season you are in, no matter what you are going through, it might very well be that Jesus is calling you outside the boat to spend time with Him so He can be the one that leads and directs you. Through that experience our perspective can be like Paul when he says
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Through the whole chapter he repeatedly reveals the answer to how he learned to be content in every situation. He teaches us to change our perspective. Rejoice in the Lord, give thanksgiving, be content. He gives a list of things to think on like Truth, whatever is noble, pure, right, excellent trustworthy (among many other things) in order to be able to do all things through Christ. In other words, in all things, shift your perspective from complaining to thinking, trusting and walking with Jesus (with or without your group of people) and then you will be able to do all things that Christ has called you to.
God may I always be able to trust that you are working all things for my good and that my perspective is always towards you instead of what my eyes see in the natural which can lead me to a complaining and discontent heart. Keep my perspective on you at all times and in all things. Amen.
I remember being a kid and would cry about something silly and my parents would say Amy, stop crying otherwise I will give you something good to cry about! What does that phrase even mean? I don't know. What were they going to give me to cry about? I never found out because I quit crying until I had something to cry about almost 5 years ago.
Out of that experience I now have a limited amount of tolerance for complaining. Obviously talking through difficult life things is different than complaining and is extremely necessary and needed to walk through life's difficult seasons but complaining is entirely different than talking through loss, death, divorce, affairs, sickness, financial troubles. The list of tough stuff people go through is long. Constant complaining is staying in the state of discontentment & dissatisfaction. Perspective in your situation, however, is what changes the outcome (or at the very least your mindset) of what you are talking about. Complaining, however, about it does not change a thing...in fact it can make it worse.
Phillipians 4 lays it out the right perspective for us. How to be content in all things. That doesn't mean we have to love what we are going through. It doesn't mean we should be fake about it or not confront what we are going through. It doesn't mean we shouldn't admit that we need help. We should do all those things but Paul does teach us how to go through everything as we are going through it. He tells us to rejoice in the Lord. To be thankful in all things. Thankful that we know God is with us and working all things for our good all the time. He teaches us to think on good things and not dwell on our complaints. He teaches us to lift our sights higher than what we see at the moment.
There was a 4 year season in our marriage where every single familiar "community" we had roots down in had been changed, uprooted or moved to another place. I hated. every. single. moment. I still am not fond of all the changes. A couple of years ago I went through an intensely lonely period of time due to all the changes and uprooting. All the changes (I hope) have passed and I still sit at a place where I don't have a great answer to how wonderful the change was. I don't have an answer that it was for a better sense of community and deeper relationships at all the new places God moved me to. It hasn't been an easy or clean answer wrapped perfectly with a happy ending bow (at least not yet). However, God is teaching me that sometimes He takes us through things to bring us closer to Him. Sometimes our perspective gets challenged a bit in order to see if we will complain or just surrender to Him and say, I don't get it but I am walking with you anyways and I trust that you have a bigger plan than I can see.
My perspective began to shift as God was speaking to me through every change I went through and through every lonely moment I felt. I wanted to throw my hands up and complain about the 'injustice' & discomfort of every change. Howevery, my new perspective began to allow me to ask a few hard questions of each change. Maybe I wasn't meant to be known in every circle I walked into anymore. Maybe I wasn't suppose to be comfortable in walking up to a group of friends who know me well in every place I walked into. Maybe God was keeping me from 'familiar' because He was doing something bigger than I could see or can see right now.
Jesus called Peter out of the boat to walk across water to Himself (Matt 14) all by himself. Peter wasn't walking with a bunch of friends. He was alone walking across the water to Jesus. The winds started blowing and Peter panicked, started to sink and cried out to Jesus and Jesus immediately reached out to Peter and caught him.
Peter was walking alone and knew nobody else could do what Jesus did for him. Jesus alone could meet Peter and catch him. Sometimes in our familiar groups of friends we unknowingly think they are the ones that can help us. Walk with us. Give us answers that maybe God alone has the answers to. Sometimes Jesus asks us to leave our familiar "boat" to walk outside our comforts and follow Him. Not complain but rather change our perspective and simply run to Him.
Don't get me wrong I love being in a nice comfortable, familiar group of friends who have known me forever and know everything about me just as much as the next girl. However, I am finding the longer I walk with God, He often gets us alone with Him to direct our steps better and through that allows us to hear His voice more clearly. He calls us to walk alone sometimes without all the comforts of a familiar scenery. No particular group in my life is familiar anymore and I'm learning to trust that God knows that and has a reason for it.
As I re read Phillipians 4 I am reminded about our perspective in every season of life. No matter what season you are in, no matter what you are going through, it might very well be that Jesus is calling you outside the boat to spend time with Him so He can be the one that leads and directs you. Through that experience our perspective can be like Paul when he says
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Through the whole chapter he repeatedly reveals the answer to how he learned to be content in every situation. He teaches us to change our perspective. Rejoice in the Lord, give thanksgiving, be content. He gives a list of things to think on like Truth, whatever is noble, pure, right, excellent trustworthy (among many other things) in order to be able to do all things through Christ. In other words, in all things, shift your perspective from complaining to thinking, trusting and walking with Jesus (with or without your group of people) and then you will be able to do all things that Christ has called you to.
God may I always be able to trust that you are working all things for my good and that my perspective is always towards you instead of what my eyes see in the natural which can lead me to a complaining and discontent heart. Keep my perspective on you at all times and in all things. Amen.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Parenting - Top 10 List of Do's and Don'ts
We are now in late summer and it is flying by quick. That's just crazy! My oldest just started drivers ed & as we prepare for this next school year I'm still in denial that I am a parent of two junior highers and a high schooler. How does life go this incredibly and ridiculously fast? I know I sound old saying that...but really, time flies.
In honor of standing at the precipice of a new school year, I wanted to make a top 10 list of parenting lessons my husband and I have learned along the way. With the knowledge that every day we walk further into the world of teenager'dom', we realize we seriously do not have all the answers but here are a few of the tried and trues we are holding on to....are you ready?
1. Learn. The first thing I learned is that I had a lot to learn. I remember the first night we brought home, Emma, our oldest daughter and, as she laid there wide awake in my arms at 3am in the morning, (as if it were 3 o'clock in the afternoon instead). I remember whispering to her, Emma, I am so not equip for this whole parenting thing. How did I get myself into this? I seriously did not know what I was doing. Not a clue. Fourteen and three quarter years later, we still don't know everything but what we have learned is that we keep on learning. Learning each of their personalities. Learning how to be better parents. Learning how to grow as a family. We are still learning...often.
2. Time. We don't have a list of magical formulas that will answer every parenting question but what we do have are a couple of lessons learned. I've learned that each day is important. Each moment is important. Each opportunity spent with them is important. You can't get those moments back. So, seize every moment. The texts can wait. The calls can wait. So can the laundry, dishes, vaccum lines and dusting (it will all be there tomorrow anyway). The friends can wait (unless, of course, you're all together with the kids and can exchange some tears, laughs and coffee). All those things can wait. Time does not. Not for anyone. Take time to spend with each kid you have. You won't regret it....and neither will they.
3. Be present. We all know when someone we are talking to isn't listening. It's annoying and frustrating. Kids know that, too. They know when you are not present or engaged in a conversation. They know this from a very young age. My middle daughter when she was around 2 would put her sweet little hands one on each cheek of mine and say talk to my eyes, mama. She needed me present in her conversation. It was important to her. It still is. This is a lesson I have to remind myself often. I get caught up in the busy"ness" of the day & have to remind myself to stop & be present.
4. Listen. Ok, I guess that would be a no brainer if you are looking in their eyes as they are talking to you but seriously you can even zone out while you are looking straight at them. Let's be honest, we all have a billion and one things on our 'to do' list and our minds can race through everything that needs to be done but if you don't prove to them at a little age that you want to listen and communicate then they will eventually stop talking to you & find someone else to talk to. That can prove to be dangerous as they get into junior high. Because, even though listening to the "how Barbie has purple shoes on with her orange skirt and wants your opinion on that outfit" isn't that interesting at 3 years old, you can bet your life on the fact that at 13 you will want to be able to give your opinion about an outfit or two then...and they won't be Barbie's.
5. Ask questions. Keep asking questions. Engage and keep the lines open to asking & answering any and all questions. They will love that dialogue when they are 5 and 6 but not so much by the time they are 13 or 14. Keep asking them anyways. It shows them you are interested in their lives and what is going on. They may not say that they like it (and may actually even say they don't) but they do. It makes them feel secure. It makes them feel important. It makes them know you love them enough to ask them about their life.
6. Give your opinions. All. The. Time. You are the parent. Don't forget that. You pay the bills. You have the right to speak into their lives, provide direction, teach them boundries, show how consequences work. As I got older into my teens years, there were times I wanted to go do something I knew would be stupid or wrong and I swear I could hear my mom and dad's voice in my head giving their opinions. It stopped me from doing a lot of dumb stuff....more times than I can count.
7. Don't be afraid to hug your kids. Kiss their little faces from the time they are born til the time they leave for college and return again. There is never too much affection. Especially girls. I've written blogs about this before about daddy's and their daughters. Don't shy away from hugging your tween and teen daughter. If you are not giving a hug or a kiss on the forehead to show them proper affection, they will crave it. They will seek it and they will find it. And generally the boys that are willing to give attention and affection to your affection starved girl is not looking for just a hug or a kiss on the forehead. Dad's, your roll plays such a huge part in giving your daughter a healthy perspective on how she should be treated by a guy. What she receives (or doesn't receive) from you will dictate what she feels she deserves from other guys. You are important. Parents (of both sons and daughters), constantly reinforce to them that they have value and worth in God.
Teach them that their value isn't caught up in whether or not some guy or girl is paying attention to them that day. Or if they can get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Teach them that their true value and worth rests in the fact that they are a child of God made for a purpose to bring Him glory.
8. Laugh. Play games. Interact. Have fun. Make an environment where they can relax & have a blast. Not because you want to be their friends (remember you are the parent) but because you want an environment where they will want to bring their friends around. That's good. You want to see their friends and who they are hanging out with. You can speak into their lives better when you see who they are hanging around with. Don't turn a blind eye to the kind of friends they are hanging with. My dad used to say to my sisters and I...if you lie with the dogs you'll get flees. We had a pool so all the kids were always over. My parents got to see real quick the type of girls I was becoming friends with and they nicely gave their opinions about many of my them. Often. Until I could start choosing my friends wisely for myself. I have to be honest with this one though...that took a while. Be patient.
9. Stop complaining about everything. Really. Just stop. It's annoying and exhausting to hear moms complain and yell constantly. It's annoying to their spouses and kids, too. If you know this is something you struggle with, if you were honest with yourself, you're probably sick of your own voice complaining, too. Then you turn around and get mad at your kids for arguing, yelling and complaining. Where did they learn that from? Like the old adage goes if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all. Seriously. Silence is golden and so much better than the broken record complaining about the same things year after year. It's old and your kids are watching and learning that habit, too. He who holds is tongue is wise so, hold it.
10. Don't gossip. Don't play the victim. Let it go & don't hold grudges. Forgive and show mercy. (I guess that's six topics in one). Teach them to be aware that so many people are going through things and sometimes react to their own situations and may unknowingly or sometimes knowingly hurt people in their process. Allow your kids to understand that most everything people or friends do is not to intentionally hurt them. My parents would tell us girls that the world does not revolve around us & most likely the things friends do is not to intentionally hurt me. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That lesson was invaluable. Don't teach your kids to hold a grudge. Forgive & give 2nd chances. Thank God, He doesn't give us only one opportunity to get it right. I would have been out of the game 41 years ago if that were the case. Obviously, use wisdom in friendships and steer clear of toxic relationships but if a good friend makes a mistake, forgive and accept them where they are at in the moment & teach your kids to be aware of where their friends are at in life, too. Turns out my parents were right…the world really doesn't revolve around me or you so let things go and know it's not about you. Sometimes there is a bigger picture going on.
11. Be real. Be honest and learn how to apologize. We all make mistakes and by humbly saying sorry to your kids it teaches them such a huge lesson. They will understand that nobody is perfect (parents included) and that it is okay to admit to not having it all together all the time. It gives them room to come to you when they make their own mistakes and gives you the opportunity to walk them through it in a Godly way instead of trying to hide it from you and figure out a different way out of a mistake.
12. Teach them about God by living it in your home when nobody but your family is watching. Teaching them doesn't mean sending them to youth group, Christian school or another great family you know. None of those things will teach them if they see hypocrisy at home. Live out your faith in plain site in front of them to learn from. I didn't say it will be perfect. It won't be...none of us are but they will see a sincere pursuit of who God is in your life and that will profoundly affect them (even if that doesn't seem to show for a while). All your rules for them without a relationship is futile if they don't see you living with the conviction you are telling them to have. Kids have a crazy way of just knowing if you are living what you profess to believe or not.
13. Be people of conviction and integrity. Kids know what that is and they see whether you have it or not. Don't cheat on things because you think nobody outside the home knows. The more important group is inside your home and they are watching and learning.
14. Love them. Love them. Love them. Tell them you love them often. Show them you love them daily. Simply said but profoundly impactful.
Ok, so I went over my limit, I gave you my 14 things on my list (maybe one for each year of our parenting) but this list is not all inclusive. We are still learning each day and there are so many other things I could add. Maybe I will another time. Happy parenting. Don't ever forget they are gifts that God gave you to raise. Don't ever take that responsibility too lightly. You are raising world changers!
Amy Elizabeth
Be Inspired
In honor of standing at the precipice of a new school year, I wanted to make a top 10 list of parenting lessons my husband and I have learned along the way. With the knowledge that every day we walk further into the world of teenager'dom', we realize we seriously do not have all the answers but here are a few of the tried and trues we are holding on to....are you ready?
1. Learn. The first thing I learned is that I had a lot to learn. I remember the first night we brought home, Emma, our oldest daughter and, as she laid there wide awake in my arms at 3am in the morning, (as if it were 3 o'clock in the afternoon instead). I remember whispering to her, Emma, I am so not equip for this whole parenting thing. How did I get myself into this? I seriously did not know what I was doing. Not a clue. Fourteen and three quarter years later, we still don't know everything but what we have learned is that we keep on learning. Learning each of their personalities. Learning how to be better parents. Learning how to grow as a family. We are still learning...often.
2. Time. We don't have a list of magical formulas that will answer every parenting question but what we do have are a couple of lessons learned. I've learned that each day is important. Each moment is important. Each opportunity spent with them is important. You can't get those moments back. So, seize every moment. The texts can wait. The calls can wait. So can the laundry, dishes, vaccum lines and dusting (it will all be there tomorrow anyway). The friends can wait (unless, of course, you're all together with the kids and can exchange some tears, laughs and coffee). All those things can wait. Time does not. Not for anyone. Take time to spend with each kid you have. You won't regret it....and neither will they.
3. Be present. We all know when someone we are talking to isn't listening. It's annoying and frustrating. Kids know that, too. They know when you are not present or engaged in a conversation. They know this from a very young age. My middle daughter when she was around 2 would put her sweet little hands one on each cheek of mine and say talk to my eyes, mama. She needed me present in her conversation. It was important to her. It still is. This is a lesson I have to remind myself often. I get caught up in the busy"ness" of the day & have to remind myself to stop & be present.
4. Listen. Ok, I guess that would be a no brainer if you are looking in their eyes as they are talking to you but seriously you can even zone out while you are looking straight at them. Let's be honest, we all have a billion and one things on our 'to do' list and our minds can race through everything that needs to be done but if you don't prove to them at a little age that you want to listen and communicate then they will eventually stop talking to you & find someone else to talk to. That can prove to be dangerous as they get into junior high. Because, even though listening to the "how Barbie has purple shoes on with her orange skirt and wants your opinion on that outfit" isn't that interesting at 3 years old, you can bet your life on the fact that at 13 you will want to be able to give your opinion about an outfit or two then...and they won't be Barbie's.
5. Ask questions. Keep asking questions. Engage and keep the lines open to asking & answering any and all questions. They will love that dialogue when they are 5 and 6 but not so much by the time they are 13 or 14. Keep asking them anyways. It shows them you are interested in their lives and what is going on. They may not say that they like it (and may actually even say they don't) but they do. It makes them feel secure. It makes them feel important. It makes them know you love them enough to ask them about their life.
6. Give your opinions. All. The. Time. You are the parent. Don't forget that. You pay the bills. You have the right to speak into their lives, provide direction, teach them boundries, show how consequences work. As I got older into my teens years, there were times I wanted to go do something I knew would be stupid or wrong and I swear I could hear my mom and dad's voice in my head giving their opinions. It stopped me from doing a lot of dumb stuff....more times than I can count.
7. Don't be afraid to hug your kids. Kiss their little faces from the time they are born til the time they leave for college and return again. There is never too much affection. Especially girls. I've written blogs about this before about daddy's and their daughters. Don't shy away from hugging your tween and teen daughter. If you are not giving a hug or a kiss on the forehead to show them proper affection, they will crave it. They will seek it and they will find it. And generally the boys that are willing to give attention and affection to your affection starved girl is not looking for just a hug or a kiss on the forehead. Dad's, your roll plays such a huge part in giving your daughter a healthy perspective on how she should be treated by a guy. What she receives (or doesn't receive) from you will dictate what she feels she deserves from other guys. You are important. Parents (of both sons and daughters), constantly reinforce to them that they have value and worth in God.
Teach them that their value isn't caught up in whether or not some guy or girl is paying attention to them that day. Or if they can get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Teach them that their true value and worth rests in the fact that they are a child of God made for a purpose to bring Him glory.
8. Laugh. Play games. Interact. Have fun. Make an environment where they can relax & have a blast. Not because you want to be their friends (remember you are the parent) but because you want an environment where they will want to bring their friends around. That's good. You want to see their friends and who they are hanging out with. You can speak into their lives better when you see who they are hanging around with. Don't turn a blind eye to the kind of friends they are hanging with. My dad used to say to my sisters and I...if you lie with the dogs you'll get flees. We had a pool so all the kids were always over. My parents got to see real quick the type of girls I was becoming friends with and they nicely gave their opinions about many of my them. Often. Until I could start choosing my friends wisely for myself. I have to be honest with this one though...that took a while. Be patient.
9. Stop complaining about everything. Really. Just stop. It's annoying and exhausting to hear moms complain and yell constantly. It's annoying to their spouses and kids, too. If you know this is something you struggle with, if you were honest with yourself, you're probably sick of your own voice complaining, too. Then you turn around and get mad at your kids for arguing, yelling and complaining. Where did they learn that from? Like the old adage goes if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything at all. Seriously. Silence is golden and so much better than the broken record complaining about the same things year after year. It's old and your kids are watching and learning that habit, too. He who holds is tongue is wise so, hold it.
10. Don't gossip. Don't play the victim. Let it go & don't hold grudges. Forgive and show mercy. (I guess that's six topics in one). Teach them to be aware that so many people are going through things and sometimes react to their own situations and may unknowingly or sometimes knowingly hurt people in their process. Allow your kids to understand that most everything people or friends do is not to intentionally hurt them. My parents would tell us girls that the world does not revolve around us & most likely the things friends do is not to intentionally hurt me. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That lesson was invaluable. Don't teach your kids to hold a grudge. Forgive & give 2nd chances. Thank God, He doesn't give us only one opportunity to get it right. I would have been out of the game 41 years ago if that were the case. Obviously, use wisdom in friendships and steer clear of toxic relationships but if a good friend makes a mistake, forgive and accept them where they are at in the moment & teach your kids to be aware of where their friends are at in life, too. Turns out my parents were right…the world really doesn't revolve around me or you so let things go and know it's not about you. Sometimes there is a bigger picture going on.
11. Be real. Be honest and learn how to apologize. We all make mistakes and by humbly saying sorry to your kids it teaches them such a huge lesson. They will understand that nobody is perfect (parents included) and that it is okay to admit to not having it all together all the time. It gives them room to come to you when they make their own mistakes and gives you the opportunity to walk them through it in a Godly way instead of trying to hide it from you and figure out a different way out of a mistake.
12. Teach them about God by living it in your home when nobody but your family is watching. Teaching them doesn't mean sending them to youth group, Christian school or another great family you know. None of those things will teach them if they see hypocrisy at home. Live out your faith in plain site in front of them to learn from. I didn't say it will be perfect. It won't be...none of us are but they will see a sincere pursuit of who God is in your life and that will profoundly affect them (even if that doesn't seem to show for a while). All your rules for them without a relationship is futile if they don't see you living with the conviction you are telling them to have. Kids have a crazy way of just knowing if you are living what you profess to believe or not.
13. Be people of conviction and integrity. Kids know what that is and they see whether you have it or not. Don't cheat on things because you think nobody outside the home knows. The more important group is inside your home and they are watching and learning.
14. Love them. Love them. Love them. Tell them you love them often. Show them you love them daily. Simply said but profoundly impactful.
Ok, so I went over my limit, I gave you my 14 things on my list (maybe one for each year of our parenting) but this list is not all inclusive. We are still learning each day and there are so many other things I could add. Maybe I will another time. Happy parenting. Don't ever forget they are gifts that God gave you to raise. Don't ever take that responsibility too lightly. You are raising world changers!
Amy Elizabeth
Be Inspired
Sunday, July 13, 2014
What's Your Story? - The Value of a Life.
In the last year and a half of my life I have had the privilege of meeting an insane amount of ladies since our Inspire launch last year in March.
With meeting all these different women and girls I began to see a theme woven through each of our ministry events, meetings and opportunities to serve the community around us. The theme? Every single one of us has a story. A story that pushes us, motivates us, drives us to pursue or do something more in this life. To give back.
I had to smile when I began to realize that through Inspire the gift God has most given to me has been people and awesome friendships. Friends who have spoken into my life, come along side of me, shared with me their lives & journey's. I am overcome with gratitude for this gift. I have learned through so many of them and am continuing to learn now how to share my life and story with others.
After this last Inspire event I felt more confident than ever that I was sharing exactly what I felt was the heart of God on rest & beauty in our lives. As I spoke about resting in what God can do in our lives and who God created us to be, God allowed me to actually speak from that place of rest in Him. He wants to speak and work through each of our lives and stories. There is such freedom in knowing that God can bring His beauty from all of our brokenness and pain and then use it in other lives.
That night as we highlighted several stories, I began to realize that there is something so indescribably powerful about each of our stories and the way we connect to people through what we go through. When we submit our lives and stories to the One who created us He will use the trials, the failures, the pain, the loss and ultimately the victory we have to connect and help other people. When we connect our lives to the stories of restored people & redeemed lives we are given that same God given hope that God can and will work all things out for His good.
With that being said, my heart is to publicly show each story we showed that night plus few more we have in our back pockets. My hope is that through these quick glimpses into a few friends journey's that you will see yourself and the realness of lives. We pray that you will experience hope in each short synopsis from their walk. My prayer is that possibly their tirals but more importantly their victory will speak volumes to you as you see first hand how God's hand was on them and His story and was written all throughout their lives.
Watch as you see how God takes what the devil intends for evil and uses it for His glory and good over and over again. He continues to speak through these ladies lives to inspire others to rise up and allow God to use their story to help others receive hope that God truly works all things out for His glory. Be encouraged that God's desire is the same for you...He has purpose for your life and wants to work through your story too.
So, take a moment to encourage your heart, connect with a few of these stories and be inspired to heal and walk in all that God calls you to today.
Our first story is from Erin Rohling, an absolute dear friend & inspiration. This clip just scratches the surface of her story but listen and let God speak to your heart. She and her husband, Paul pastor a growing church in Marlette, Mi called Hope Community Christian Church. http://www.hopeccchurch.org/
If you have a story of how you have overcome something, how God used it and would like to be featured in our Inspire. What's Your Story? summer video series, please email me and we can talk. My email is amyterm@gmail.com
Be Inspired!
Amy
With meeting all these different women and girls I began to see a theme woven through each of our ministry events, meetings and opportunities to serve the community around us. The theme? Every single one of us has a story. A story that pushes us, motivates us, drives us to pursue or do something more in this life. To give back.
I had to smile when I began to realize that through Inspire the gift God has most given to me has been people and awesome friendships. Friends who have spoken into my life, come along side of me, shared with me their lives & journey's. I am overcome with gratitude for this gift. I have learned through so many of them and am continuing to learn now how to share my life and story with others.
After this last Inspire event I felt more confident than ever that I was sharing exactly what I felt was the heart of God on rest & beauty in our lives. As I spoke about resting in what God can do in our lives and who God created us to be, God allowed me to actually speak from that place of rest in Him. He wants to speak and work through each of our lives and stories. There is such freedom in knowing that God can bring His beauty from all of our brokenness and pain and then use it in other lives.
With that being said, my heart is to publicly show each story we showed that night plus few more we have in our back pockets. My hope is that through these quick glimpses into a few friends journey's that you will see yourself and the realness of lives. We pray that you will experience hope in each short synopsis from their walk. My prayer is that possibly their tirals but more importantly their victory will speak volumes to you as you see first hand how God's hand was on them and His story and was written all throughout their lives.
Watch as you see how God takes what the devil intends for evil and uses it for His glory and good over and over again. He continues to speak through these ladies lives to inspire others to rise up and allow God to use their story to help others receive hope that God truly works all things out for His glory. Be encouraged that God's desire is the same for you...He has purpose for your life and wants to work through your story too.
So, take a moment to encourage your heart, connect with a few of these stories and be inspired to heal and walk in all that God calls you to today.
Our first story is from Erin Rohling, an absolute dear friend & inspiration. This clip just scratches the surface of her story but listen and let God speak to your heart. She and her husband, Paul pastor a growing church in Marlette, Mi called Hope Community Christian Church. http://www.hopeccchurch.org/
If you have a story of how you have overcome something, how God used it and would like to be featured in our Inspire. What's Your Story? summer video series, please email me and we can talk. My email is amyterm@gmail.com
Be Inspired!
Amy
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